scared and lonely

[salladbowl]

i'm sick of being pissed off, depressed, and just the over all feeling of shit.

its sickening to go through an entire day at work or where ever i'm at thinking about wanting to die or wanting to just get high because its the only thing that gives me some form of entertainment.

i want so much just to give up and kill myself but the only thing that stops me from doing so is the fact that my brain just doesn't want to give up the thought of "things will get better soon."

i'm desperate for anything.

i can feel it under my eyes.

and i can see it on everyone else here but spooky.

he seems to be content with his schooling and katie.

i'm constantly feeling like i'm waiting for something, only i don't know what it is and i don't know when its gonna happen.

with everyday that i wake up and discover that the thing i'm waiting for doesn't happen i get more and more upset thinking that it never will.

i don't understand.

i don't even know what i'm waiting for.

i hate the feeling of constant shit and contradiction.

being pissed at others for feeling the same way as i.

maybe its because we do it with style.

our apartment is a reflection of our mental state.

helter skelter.

we're either destined for failure or our lenses are just blurred with vaseline.