TRAVEL
Why is it that when one travels, one finds all of the things that need to be done immediately before they leave? Things that will be due upon my return...which reminds me...phone bill...Good, done. I have everything placed by the door for packing in the morning for you see, I get to whisk everything away from my current squat in Mill Valley, books, clothes, various remaining special food items (you want a list? half a block of goat cheese, uncooked buckwheat noodles, one carton of non-chicken broth, half a box of crackers, sesame seed salt stuff, an Izzy tangerine soda), six pairs of shoes (how did they all add up??), my zine bag...two months living in a place makes it almost like home. More of a home base than I have had in a while. I am coming to terms with the fact that I really enjoy heat and electricity. A lot. Like, I don't want to go through another winter without them. Ack! Does this mean that I have entered the technological age, and can no longer staunchly defend my ludite status? I love the concept of being able to leave my computer on and plugged into my printer so that when I need to print something out, I do not have to drive to an electrical outlet, plug in the printer, plug in the computer, find the paper, and let the ink resettle itself. Shocking. I know. but I love the modern age. I LOVE IT!
In writing news...finished the newsletter, and the zine is in its final draft form. I shall peruse it upon the beaches of Negril whilst drinking mojitos...I think that as soon as I stop giving myself deadlines for writing projects I feel a lot better about myself. It is not as if I am not working, it is just that my timeframe is much longer these days. Who tells me when I should have things done? Only me. Strange to allow myself time to finish things.
I have recently had the experiance of having many old spirits enter back into my life. As I bemoan the fact that so many people that I have loved have left my life, harshly or not, I am seemingly innundated with a resurgance of old faces. From high school, college, my JYA program. I guess that I let go of enough of my anger towards those who had left me to be able to accept the next round, or to accept the people who may have been lingering on the fringes. Funny this. Increased communication? An astrological thing? Space in my psyche? At last?
Also talked to an ex today who I am still quite fond of (one of two truth be told...well the two who I would want to sit down and have dinner with, or spend an entire day with. love the others, don't like them I guess I could say). Just love the guy. He is about to move off to Montana with the girl he is with (whom he has been dating since we broke up, and who made me cry at one point, merely by him pointing out, very innocently, that she had huge breasts...my normally strong chest crumbled under this news and hid for five days in protest. I don't hold it against her now of course, but this is the memory of her that sticks in my mind.) which leads me to think, does anyone else but me try to understand the relationships held by ex's with their new flames? It is as if I try to see them from a different light, and why that person, when and why and how and because of what. I want to know if they are happy and I keep trying to think that if I pay close enough attention I may be able to see what it is that they always really longed for. And have they found it yet? Is he moving to Montana because it is fullfilling something in him that I didn't pick up on years ago?
In the process of course, I am realizing what I have always longed for, and refinding that on a regularly, and irregularly, schedule.
the impenitrable arc of change...I do...
In writing news...finished the newsletter, and the zine is in its final draft form. I shall peruse it upon the beaches of Negril whilst drinking mojitos...I think that as soon as I stop giving myself deadlines for writing projects I feel a lot better about myself. It is not as if I am not working, it is just that my timeframe is much longer these days. Who tells me when I should have things done? Only me. Strange to allow myself time to finish things.
I have recently had the experiance of having many old spirits enter back into my life. As I bemoan the fact that so many people that I have loved have left my life, harshly or not, I am seemingly innundated with a resurgance of old faces. From high school, college, my JYA program. I guess that I let go of enough of my anger towards those who had left me to be able to accept the next round, or to accept the people who may have been lingering on the fringes. Funny this. Increased communication? An astrological thing? Space in my psyche? At last?
Also talked to an ex today who I am still quite fond of (one of two truth be told...well the two who I would want to sit down and have dinner with, or spend an entire day with. love the others, don't like them I guess I could say). Just love the guy. He is about to move off to Montana with the girl he is with (whom he has been dating since we broke up, and who made me cry at one point, merely by him pointing out, very innocently, that she had huge breasts...my normally strong chest crumbled under this news and hid for five days in protest. I don't hold it against her now of course, but this is the memory of her that sticks in my mind.) which leads me to think, does anyone else but me try to understand the relationships held by ex's with their new flames? It is as if I try to see them from a different light, and why that person, when and why and how and because of what. I want to know if they are happy and I keep trying to think that if I pay close enough attention I may be able to see what it is that they always really longed for. And have they found it yet? Is he moving to Montana because it is fullfilling something in him that I didn't pick up on years ago?
In the process of course, I am realizing what I have always longed for, and refinding that on a regularly, and irregularly, schedule.
the impenitrable arc of change...I do...