I'm so bad at dealing with perceived ambivalence.
Click to viewi think i'm just gonna always be the sad girl.
the one who hides all of this insecurity, shitty self-esteem and abandonment issues behind a veneer of sauciness and self-deprecation.
i almost told you i loved you today.
it was right there under the surface, ready to roll off my tongue, through my fingers, onto my text.
but then i remembered i don't do that anymore.
i don't hand anyone the ammo for the weapon they're already carrying.
i'm worried about you.
but part of me knows that there's absolutely nothing we can do to help each other if someone doesn't ask... it's all on us.
but i so desperately wanna be someplace you seek solace.
is that just part of my brokenness?
my need to be needed?
i'm terrified that you just tolerate me.
i'm an amusement.
someone you feel sorry for.
"poor, sad, emotional girl just can't help herself, can she?
just has to fall in love with the ones that she lets see her...
see the jagged, rusty edges."
it's starting to feel like the only thing i excel at is being discarded and unnecessary.
