"Mrs. Dalloway Said She Would Buy he Flowers Herself.."
A woman's whole life in a single day..just one day... it's on this day...this day of all days...that her fate becomes clear to her.
I took things into my own hands tonight. Went to the Pharmacist for information and a point in the right direction. My Doctor is incompetent and my Doctor's nurse (Cheryl, so helpful and so understanding) can only do so much. I'm concerned about the symptoms that I seem to be having from the Dilantin, Trileptal and Lexapro together. I never got information brocheures on any of the medications, so I assumed very irresponsibly that I would be fine. Wrong.
"This medicine may cause drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, vision changes, double vision, tiredness, dry mouth, headache, confusion, memory loss, difficulty speaking, loss of cooridination, trouble walking and may increase these effects if the patient is on anti-depressants." (Possible side effects for Trileptal and Dilantin)
Also, the Lexapro has similar side effects. My point here is that I am having all of these effects. The Pharmacist said that only about 10% of patients have these problems and that I should probably be OK. Unfortunately, after I explained my case to him (basically that I've been on the Trileptal for a year and a half, the Lexapro for 2 years and the Dilantin for four months), he raised his eyebrows and asked if my Doctor knew of all of these problems. I told him yes, he did, and he said only to continue taking the medications. Sometimes he would raise or lower the dosage when he felt that it would be in my best interest, but that only occured once in a great while. Also, I told the poor man that I was continuing to have seizures on every variety of pill my Neurologist put me on. I swear that his eyebrows almost disappeared into his hair.
Also I told him about what the Nurses recommended. He immediately agreed, told me that to switch Doctors was a good idea and printed out the information I needed for the medications.
Why is it that Nurses are more helpful than the goddamned doctors? All I need is a push in the right direction. *sighs*
Anyway, my head hurts. I cried again tonight for the first time in awhile. I'm confused, upset, tired, elated, anxious, nauseated...the list goes on.
"You feel like a martyr?"
(watching the snow fall) "No!"
"You can't save him, Kels."
Don't you think I know that? I am not looking for pity. I'm looking for understanding. And reasoning. Not a fucking relationship. That hope went out the window a long time ago, dearest...Do you remember the last time we were in the hospital? Do you remember when I turned away from you and Erica after you got off the phone with him? You told me he was high or asleep or whatever...I knew that what I sought was gone. But I do believe that it is alright to mourn for a friend. Have you never mourned for a friend, darling?
It's going to take time. I only ask for your understanding and your friendship...And I have the Lexapro. It'll happen. Just accept it.
I love you and Erica for being here for me. Why do you think I stayed? I'm sorry if I confused you or made you upset, it was not my intention.
When something this...hard comes up, something this difficlt comes up, it is not the time to be selfish. It doesn't matter how I seem. To hell with how I seem. Before I can explain myself, I need time to process it, to process my own thoughts and to prepare what I want to say. Ask me another time, Athos.
Love,
Lydia
In a haze, a stormy haze, I’ll be round
I’ll be loving you always, always
Here I am and I’ll take my time
Here I am and I’ll wait in line always
Always
I took things into my own hands tonight. Went to the Pharmacist for information and a point in the right direction. My Doctor is incompetent and my Doctor's nurse (Cheryl, so helpful and so understanding) can only do so much. I'm concerned about the symptoms that I seem to be having from the Dilantin, Trileptal and Lexapro together. I never got information brocheures on any of the medications, so I assumed very irresponsibly that I would be fine. Wrong.
"This medicine may cause drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, vision changes, double vision, tiredness, dry mouth, headache, confusion, memory loss, difficulty speaking, loss of cooridination, trouble walking and may increase these effects if the patient is on anti-depressants." (Possible side effects for Trileptal and Dilantin)
Also, the Lexapro has similar side effects. My point here is that I am having all of these effects. The Pharmacist said that only about 10% of patients have these problems and that I should probably be OK. Unfortunately, after I explained my case to him (basically that I've been on the Trileptal for a year and a half, the Lexapro for 2 years and the Dilantin for four months), he raised his eyebrows and asked if my Doctor knew of all of these problems. I told him yes, he did, and he said only to continue taking the medications. Sometimes he would raise or lower the dosage when he felt that it would be in my best interest, but that only occured once in a great while. Also, I told the poor man that I was continuing to have seizures on every variety of pill my Neurologist put me on. I swear that his eyebrows almost disappeared into his hair.
Also I told him about what the Nurses recommended. He immediately agreed, told me that to switch Doctors was a good idea and printed out the information I needed for the medications.
Why is it that Nurses are more helpful than the goddamned doctors? All I need is a push in the right direction. *sighs*
Anyway, my head hurts. I cried again tonight for the first time in awhile. I'm confused, upset, tired, elated, anxious, nauseated...the list goes on.
"You feel like a martyr?"
(watching the snow fall) "No!"
"You can't save him, Kels."
Don't you think I know that? I am not looking for pity. I'm looking for understanding. And reasoning. Not a fucking relationship. That hope went out the window a long time ago, dearest...Do you remember the last time we were in the hospital? Do you remember when I turned away from you and Erica after you got off the phone with him? You told me he was high or asleep or whatever...I knew that what I sought was gone. But I do believe that it is alright to mourn for a friend. Have you never mourned for a friend, darling?
It's going to take time. I only ask for your understanding and your friendship...And I have the Lexapro. It'll happen. Just accept it.
I love you and Erica for being here for me. Why do you think I stayed? I'm sorry if I confused you or made you upset, it was not my intention.
When something this...hard comes up, something this difficlt comes up, it is not the time to be selfish. It doesn't matter how I seem. To hell with how I seem. Before I can explain myself, I need time to process it, to process my own thoughts and to prepare what I want to say. Ask me another time, Athos.
Love,
Lydia
In a haze, a stormy haze, I’ll be round
I’ll be loving you always, always
Here I am and I’ll take my time
Here I am and I’ll wait in line always
Always