System Error. Please refer to your "how to" manual. Read page 100 on how to fix this problem.
I am literally pulling my own trigger, over and over again. Am I masochistic? Can't I be, for once, normal?
I'm still head over heels for Peter. I've fallen for Dan (and look where that got me). And now I'm travelling down the same road with Patrick. Well. By myself, really. Patrick is gay. So I'm alone on this journey. I'm becoming numb quite quickly.
"I don't care, I don't care, why are you telling me this if you know it means nothing to me?"
He tells me that if I overanalyze, I will find truth. But he doesn't understand that my overanalyzations would take me down a road that he will never go down with me. Emphasis on the "never" part.
The sad part is is the fact that I hold myself responsible for all of this mess. I can put no blame on anyone but me. I can't bring myself to play the blame game. Infact, I love the enduring silence all around me. Feeling like i'm on the outside looking in. Like tonight. Watching Erica and Matt and Patrick interacting. Oh, yes, they tried to include me, but I played the oddball out. Not really because I didn't want to have fun with them, but because I was busy being vain and looking at my reflection in the window. And thinking.
"System Failure" This machinery falls for men too fast. Please take note that slowing down will actually cause the machinery to work properly. And to take care of the problem in a more efficient way. For further instructions, please note the index in the back of your manual.
Well, Patrick. My overanalyzation is naught but a fantasy. A hope that when you look at me you see more than a friend, more than an amigo. But sees a woman who cares for you. A woman that backs away from you because she is afraid of your refusal and afraid of your rejection. Why do you think I don't speak it outloud? I'm terrified to see your facial expression. And could never deal with hearing you stamp your rejection onto my forehead. Or..."Frontal Cortex."
Peter took a piece of me with him. Dan took a piece and doesn't realize it. And you have a piece of me as well. And you've already acknowledged it. And yet...you haven't given me finality. And i'm afraid of your words.
Don't hurt me.
- L.W
I'm still head over heels for Peter. I've fallen for Dan (and look where that got me). And now I'm travelling down the same road with Patrick. Well. By myself, really. Patrick is gay. So I'm alone on this journey. I'm becoming numb quite quickly.
"I don't care, I don't care, why are you telling me this if you know it means nothing to me?"
He tells me that if I overanalyze, I will find truth. But he doesn't understand that my overanalyzations would take me down a road that he will never go down with me. Emphasis on the "never" part.
The sad part is is the fact that I hold myself responsible for all of this mess. I can put no blame on anyone but me. I can't bring myself to play the blame game. Infact, I love the enduring silence all around me. Feeling like i'm on the outside looking in. Like tonight. Watching Erica and Matt and Patrick interacting. Oh, yes, they tried to include me, but I played the oddball out. Not really because I didn't want to have fun with them, but because I was busy being vain and looking at my reflection in the window. And thinking.
"System Failure" This machinery falls for men too fast. Please take note that slowing down will actually cause the machinery to work properly. And to take care of the problem in a more efficient way. For further instructions, please note the index in the back of your manual.
Well, Patrick. My overanalyzation is naught but a fantasy. A hope that when you look at me you see more than a friend, more than an amigo. But sees a woman who cares for you. A woman that backs away from you because she is afraid of your refusal and afraid of your rejection. Why do you think I don't speak it outloud? I'm terrified to see your facial expression. And could never deal with hearing you stamp your rejection onto my forehead. Or..."Frontal Cortex."
Peter took a piece of me with him. Dan took a piece and doesn't realize it. And you have a piece of me as well. And you've already acknowledged it. And yet...you haven't given me finality. And i'm afraid of your words.
Don't hurt me.
- L.W