(no subject)
i want it to be summer. i want joanlie riding shotgun, with the windows down and legends of rodeo blaring. i want it to be dusk and have nowhere to go. i want a certain level of certainty and the carelessness that accompanies it. i want security back, even though i never recognized it as such until now. i want to run, and not constantly hit brick walls. i want to decide! i want things to go my way. i want to spend five dollars and have it give me half a tank. i want to constantly write in my diary and have interesting things to say to myself. i want to walk into guernseys and be recognized. i want to feel supported. i want to remember the lilies, always. i want to not be such a rollercoaster/train wreck. i want to have the time and energy and space to do the things i want to do. i want to not hate mirrors. i want more God. i want to have the option of sleeping in, even though i probably won't. i want to sit in the sunroom that i don't have anymore during a thunderstorm and read for hours. i want to talk to somebody that knows what i am talking about. i want to not feel like a piece of crap. i want to be more poetic so i don't have to resort to uninspired lists to express myself. i'd like to be taken seriously. i want to feel liked. i want my own space. i want to not worry about why friends dont' call me or write. i want to not constantly compare my life to other people's. i want to appreciate the adventure. i want to not fake smile as much as i do. i want to see old friends more often. i wish i wasn't so needy, whiny, desperate. too late for that.
i'm going through a rather emotional time right now.
i'm going through a rather emotional time right now.