DW Fic- Falling to Pieces 1/3?
Title: Falling to Pieces 1/3?
Author: Salimali
Rating: PG 12 ANGST ANGST and more ANGST
Characters: Ten/Rose, Jackie
Disclaimer: I don't own DW or any of its affiliated characters.
Spoilers: Set sometime during series 2 AU as if series 3,4 & 5 neever happened.
Summary: Can the Doctor save Rose from her greatest enemy- her health?
Author Notes: This is very angsty, with warnings of possible character death. Don't shoot me!!!
I've had not a good day today, so I thought I'd share my angst ;-) Just remember when reading this, I am a BIG Ten/Rose shipper ;-)
The Doctor sat alongside Rose and listened to the doctor’s diagnosis. He clutched her hand so tightly he was afraid he was cutting off her blood supply. The sounds of the hospital faded into the background as they both focused on what the doctor was saying. The Doctor felt the bottom fall out of his world when he heard the words ‘terminal’ and ‘three to four weeks; everything else just blurred as he fought to not cry or shout or smash something with the unfairness of it all. He looked over at Rose to gauge how she was taking the news. The tears were silently falling down her cheeks and she looked over to him and smiled weakly. He squeezed her hand tightly again and forced himself to smile back at her, knowing the smile didn’t reach his eyes. As if in a dream, he shook the doctor’s hand and thanked him for all his help, then ushered Rose out of the office, through the hospital and into the waiting taxi.
No words were spoken between them as they reached the flat where Rose turned and kissed him violently. He took a second to respond but knew she needed this. As they moved through the flat the Doctor undressed Rose, reverently taking each piece of clothing from her beautiful body. He kissed her gently and laid her down on the bed. Her hand rose to him and beckoned him to join her. He swallowed back the tears as he took in her body, wondering how it could look so perfect outside while it was fighting a losing battle within. He quickly undressed and stood at the bottom of the bed. He wanted Rose to know that she was loved and worshipped.
He had kissed most of her body when her sighs turned to contented moans. He lifted his head and gently thrust into her, frightened of hurting her even more. Leaning down to kiss Rose, he set up a gentle rocking motion, pushing harder as her moans turned to a full on shout. He followed her soon after, muffling his own shout with a passionate kiss.
He rolled off Rose and gathered her to him, holding her tightly to his body. He wondered how he could ever let his precious girl go. His arms clutched at her in desperation as the tears at last began to flow, and burying his head in her hair he silently begged her not to leave him alone.
The Doctor became aware of the cold wet liquid of Rose’s tears on his chest, and lifting his head, he reached down to tilt her face to his. Gently, reverently, he kissed her tears away and promised himself he wouldn’t cry in front of her again.
Rose shifted in his arms and he moved to make her more comfortable, gently covering her with the duvet and blanket.
“I’m sorry,” Rose whispered.
“For what?” the Doctor asked, confused.
“For failing.”
“Failing?” The Doctor’s face scrunched up. “You’ve never failed me.”
“For failing to keep my promise. I can’t give you forever anymore. I’m sorry.” she sobbed.
The Doctor pulled her gently up to his face and kissed her, quietly making love to her again, the only sounds their whispered ‘I love you’s.
The next morning the Doctor was awake early. He put on his borrowed blue dressing gown, made sure Rose was all covered by the duvet and crept out into the kitchen to find Jackie making tea. The bright sunshine bounced off the walls of the room, mocking his mood. She motioned to him to sit down as she grabbed another cup and dunked a tea bag inside. When the tea was to her liking, she fished out the bags and added milk and sugar to both. It was only as she brought his tea over to him could he see that she had been crying. He placed his hand over hers as it rested on the table.
“I’ll fix this, Jackie. I promise.” He tried to sound reassuring, but was aware his words sounded hollow. What could he really do? To fix Rose he’d have to take her out of her time and he didn’t know how he could bring her back all cured. How would they explain that away to the doctors in the hospital? Looking at the way Jackie was trying to cope with the news that her beautiful daughter was dying, he resolved to talk to Rose and see what they could do.
“I know you will - you won’t let her down.” Jackie leaned over the table to give him an awkward little hug and kiss on the cheek. He felt as if he’d been given the seal of approval by his almost mother in law, and yet he felt so helpless.
“You know, I can take her somewhere to cure her, if she’s willing to go. But I worry that I’ll never be able to bring her home to you, Jackie. How do we explain her getting better?” he pleaded with her to understand what he was saying.
“I don’t care what it takes, Doctor. I’ll never see her ever again if I don’t have to, as long as she is alive. Please, Doctor, I know you love her as I do, please save my baby” Jackie begged. Her face looked ragged and old suddenly, as if the thought of burying her child was too much to bear.
The Doctor rose from his chair and crossed the room. In two strides he’d enveloped Jackie in a huge hug and held her as she cried for her child, rocking her and soothing her as he made plans to save his darling Rose. As she calmed down, the Doctor quietly told her of his plans.
Once Jackie had cried herself out, she was all action, organising what Rose would need to take with her, packing her things, making sure she had mementoes to remind her of her life in the Powell Estates. The Doctor went to wake Rose and tell her of their idea.
................................................................................................
“No!” Although she was incredibly weak Rose’s voice rang out loudly through the flat when the Doctor told her of his and Jackie’s plan. “You cannot make decisions for me like that. I’ve told you before.”
“But Rose…” the Doctor interrupted, “I can save your life. Please, you promised me.” The Doctor knew that begging her was wrong - it was emotional blackmail -, but he also wanted her alive and well and he wasn’t above using underhand tactics to get what he wanted. He held her hands in his, turning them over and stroking the soft delicate skin there.
Rose sighed, “I know I did, Doctor, but you and my mother made the decision without me. It’s my life and my body, and my choice,” she whispered sadly. “Die and never see my mother again or live and never see her again. It’s my choice. You never give me the choice. Will you give me this one please? Do you see my dilemma?”
“Oh Rose.” He gathered her to him and hugged her as tightly as her wracked body would allow. “I’m sorry. I just want you to be better and I have the cure at my fingertips. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know and that’s my honest answer. Can you give me some time to think?” The Doctor looked at Rose, saw her impassioned plea for understanding and nodded slowly.
“Yes, Rose, I’ll give you time, but please, you haven’t got long to make the decision.” He kneeled down on the bed and carefully drew her towards his body, and holding her close, he whispered in her ear. “I love you and I promise you it’ll be your choice. Whichever one you choose, I’ll respect.” He kissed her on the forehead and left the room quietly.
Rose lay back on her childhood bed, a riot of vibrant pink and purple, looking around her room, studying her life so far. The battered and torn faded pink teddy bear, the one with the missing ear - Jackie had got him stuck in the washing machine and ripped it off while rescuing him - was sitting on the shelf amongst the trinkets and reminders of her time in school and then, later, her work. The smiling photos of her and her friends having fun, partying, messing about in the park were teasing her, mocking her as she fought to once again hold back the tears. Rose tiredly lifted her hand and wiped her lank hair from her face and, bringing her hand in front of her once again, studying its pale, thin skin, the blood still pulsing through her veins, remembered how she’d ended up here.
They had been adventuring around the universe finding trouble wherever they went for almost two years, with the first Doctor all leather and ears and now with this Doctor, sexy and bed hair. They’d rescued damsels in distress, overthrown evil warlords and even saved the Earth once or twice. They had been having a well-deserved holiday - a bit of downtime, the Doctor had said - on a deserted beach when he had leant over and kissed her. Rose had thought she was dreaming but when she’d opened her eyes, there he was, kissing her again as she’d wanted for so long. He’d made love to her there and then on that deserted beach and Rose had believed that nothing in life could be as good as it was at that moment.
It was after a particularly disastrous adventure that Rose began to feel ill. At first they both thought it was a consequence of being locked up in a cold, dank, dirty cell for over two weeks whilst the Doctor tried to find her and rescue her. But then as she didn’t get any better when the weakness stayed long after she’d caught up with her rest and comfort, she and the Doctor started to think there were other factors in play. In fact, Rose remembered, they’d thought she might have been pregnant, which was why she was at Jackie’s. The Doctor had insisted that they go to Earth and use a human pregnancy kit, as he was a little worried the TARDIS medical equipment might harm any developing half -human foetus. After using six different tests and the results proving inconclusive, Jackie had bundled Rose along to the GP’s for a proper examination. The doctor didn’t find proof of a pregnancy but found something far more sinister instead. A flurry of tests and scans ensued until yesterday, when Rose and the Doctor had finally been given the stark truth.
It was a truth that Rose didn’t want to accept, and the Doctor had given her a way out of this, so why wasn’t she taking it? Rose closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind of all the conflicting thoughts going on in there, tried to focus on the one thing that really mattered. Did she want to live? But the price of that life was never seeing Jackie or any of her friends again and interfering with time. She wondered whether the Doctor had thought about reapers - if this was her time to die, surely he couldn’t save her? He’d be taking massive risks in time just for her, a little twenty-first century girl with no future and no prospects, nothing except the love of her mother and a 900 -year-old Time Lord. Was that enough for him to risk it all for her?
Hiding her eyes, Rose sighed and resigned herself to at least asking the Doctor about some of these issues, but first she needed a shower and to go to sleep. She rose from the bed to find that her legs didn’t want to carry her weight and she stumbled into the nearby dresser, smashing her ribs against it with a muffled curse. She knew she’d be sore from another bruise before long. She righted herself, holding tight against the dresser, and tried again. She lifted her left leg gingerly and laid it down a little further along the floor praying that she wouldn’t fall again. She didn’t want the Doctor or her mother rushing in to help her just at this moment, she wanted to prove to them that she was okay. She repeated the movement with the other leg, taking most of the weight with her hands on the dresser. She hated being this tired and weak, and it was getting worse daily. She decided she didn’t mind the dying bit -, it was being an invalid she didn’t like.
She eventually managed to make it to the bedroom door, bathed in sweat and utterly exhausted. She laid her head on the back of the door, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could do this. Shuffling around to the edge of the door, she gripped the handle and carefully turned it, opening the door slowly and quietly. Rose could hear the noise of the television in the background, some home improvement show that her mum loved to watch; she could see Jackie’s legs propped up on the coffee table. Glancing around, she hoped for a clear run to the bathroom when she was almost knocked off her feet to see the Doctor sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall, head bent, resting on his knees, looking very forlorn.
“You scared me,” she whispered resting her hand upon her heart, “Why are you sitting down there?”
“I was waiting for you,” he answered, matching her tone of voice. “If we only have the next few weeks left, I don’t want to let you out of my sight again. But you sent me out, and this was as close as I could get.”
Rose felt as if her heart was bursting with love for this very human- like Time Lord sitting before her, looking up at her with his sad, soulful eyes, obviously fighting to keep the tears at bay. She held out her hand to him; he needed her to need him, so she would ask for his help in getting to the shower.
“I was going to take a shower and freshen up. Want to help me to the bathroom?”
The Doctor jumped up eagerly to help and grabbed at Rose’s hand, managing to almost pull her over in the process.
“Whoa there, tiger,” Rose smiled at his eagerness. “Come here.” She leaned into him as he gently took her weight and walked her slowly to the bathroom. Rose was sure he could tell how painful it was to put her feet to the floor.
Reaching the door, he opened it and took her in, sitting her on the closed toilet seat and steadying her with a hand to her shoulder.
“I don’t think it’s wise for you to have a shower, Rose, you’re too weak,” the Doctor said gently, knowing that admitting her weakness could upset her. “What about a bath instead?”
Rose realised she was too tired to worry about whether it was a bath or shower - she just wanted to be clean. Wearily, she nodded her head. She watched with sad eyes as the Doctor prepared her bath with her favourite Satsuma-bubble bath. He was never meant to look after her like this, he didn’t do domestic and he certainly never wanted to stay around long enough to want to watch a companion die: he’d made that clear outside the café all that time ago. Rose wondered yet again what was so special about her, why he was willing to break the rules for her. She stopped her pondering to realise the Doctor was sitting on his haunches, looking at her wide-eyed.
“Are you ready?” he murmured, gesturing to her pyjama top. She nodded and was pleased when he gently lifted her top over her head and placed it on the floor. Grasping a scrunchie from the shelf, he swept her hair up into a messy ponytail on top of her head. “There we are, now you won’t have to get it wet until you’re ready to wash it.”
Rose looked down at him and gave him her special smile, the one she reserved just for him. “Thank you.” She leaned over to take her pyjama bottoms off and again he was there, helping her balance. He held her hand and helped her to step into the bath and she lay down into the water with a sigh, letting the warmth comfort her aching bones.
The Doctor hovered near the bathroom door, not wanting to leave Rose alone but conscious that she wanted her privacy. “You can stay in here if you’d like,” she said quietly as if she could read his mind. “I think I’d like you to stay.”
The Doctor smiled at Rose and took up her place on the closed toilet seat, “Thank you, Rose, I know you don’t like being an invalid, but it makes me feel useful to be helping you.”
Rose blushed as she thought about his words. He wanted to be helping her; she had to know what he was feeling. “Doctor,” she whispered, not wanting to ruin the mood between them. “Why do you want to help me? To heal me? You said it hurt too much to watch us humans wither and decay - why are you willing to stay here with me?”
She sat up and watched as a myriad of emotions ran across his face; the last one reminded her of a puppy who’d been told off.
“Oh Rose, don’t you know?” he tailed off quietly, almost talking to himself. “No, I suppose I’ve never said, have I? I should remedy that.” He moved off the toilet seat and knelt in front of the bath, grasping her hand tightly. “I love you, Rose Tyler, that’s why I stay.”
“I love you too, Doctor,” she whispered in return, eyes glittering with tears. “Come here.” She pulled him close and kissed him passionately.
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The Doctor was shaking with emotion - he’d done it, he’d finally told Rose that he loved her and she loved him back. Pulling away from kissing Rose, he took her face in his hands and studied it. Her golden brown eyes sparkled like amber reflecting the sun’s rays. Her beautiful smile that could light up a room and convert all but the hardest despots into loving her. Her smooth, pale not rosy, face, etched with pain. He wrenched himself away from her, aware on some level of startling her, but he couldn’t stop now.
“But it’s not enough, is it, Rose? I love you. You, little more than a teenager, a human teenager at that, you, Rose, you and only you have managed to break down my barriers and make me fall in love with you.” He was almost shouting, aware that he was babbling through his rant as he strode around the small room. “Me, the Oncoming Storm, Bringer of Darkness, is brought to his knees by a human, a brilliant, beautiful, brave, jeopardy- friendly human girl. A human girl whom I love, who is about to die and it’s not fair! It’s not fair Rose! I won’t have it. I am not willing to let you die. I want you to live and spend your life with me - me loving you, you loving me. A future together, Rose, children even, if you want them. Together -, Rose Tyler and the Doctor in the TARDIS as it should be. We’ve only just started, Rose. It’s not fair.”
“Doctor, I’m sorry,” Rose whispered from the bathtub, tears rolling down her face. The Doctor was instantly at her side, wiping away her tears, kissing away her pain, murmuring reassurances to her.
“I’m sorry. I love you. I don’t blame you.” Over and over again they were repeated until Rose had calmed.
Once Rose was calm, the Doctor gently washed her body and hair, all the time repeating his words of love as his hands glided over her frail body. Pulling the plug out of the bath, he carefully leaned down and lifted Rose out of the bath and wrapped her in a large fluffy pink towel. Drying her quickly so she didn’t catch cold, the Doctor whispered quietly, “Please don’t leave me, Rose. Please.”