the fear of 45
I have a rather heavy feeling today--I have been home all day...munching on things, making love, thinking about the man that i love, playing with my doggie, talking to people on the phone now and again...and suddenly realizing the weight of my love for james. I know that in the past I have made fun of our relationship, said that it will never work, all sorts of things---and in a way I do feel those things, but then really when i stop and think about life without him I dont know what will become of me. I love him very deeply. I have this fear that he is not the right man for me, that things will just not pan out the way that I have always wanted them to for myself and for him. Its just that there are always so many complications when 2 people join their lives together and I am worried that if we do stay together one morning I am going to wake up and run, one morning when i am 45 and its clearly too late to have the life that I have always dreamed of having.