because i can learn to appreciate this more than Myspace sometimes
the mind is such a convoluted thing. some can understand theirs better than others. i dont even remember when i last wrote in this. "as we go on, we remember, we remember all the times we had together, and as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be, friends forever." thank you colleen for that, i find myself having a hard time crying sometimes. i dont understand why, there are times where i should have cried but i have kept my head up and continued to smile, because i didnt wanna make others see my sadness. a friend of mine was arrested right in front of me and its been almost 3 months since i have seen him. a friend i care about a lot to this day. one that is hard to leave emotions behind and continue ones life. my output for my depression has become work, because when your working, you cant worry about other things then what your doing. at points i will regret what i have done in the past, but remember, that things happen for a reason, and im proud of it in the end, whether or not it was the seemfully right thing. i had to grow up in a lot of ways, to learn that life is not fair, we will lose friends, we will lose family members that we dont really associate with but still have a care for because we have been touched by them at least once in our lives. referring this to my uncle who is overcoming a heroin addiction, nothing that pains me greatly, but still wish him the best because he is someone that can work this out on his own without my help, so burdening myself with sadness does not affect anything positively. i get angry over friends who lie to me, and make believe that nothing is wrong in the end, and want to continue a masqueraded friendship without ever confronting previous issues. too many people that have associated with me have become pregnant, and i personally dont think they need to put that in their lives right now because they are unable to take care of themselves and will only make theirs life worse because of the additional pain they are bringing upon others. but i can be proved wrong, my feelings are not others, and my choice of words can be seen in the wrong light, and thats fine. its how i feel at the time, and i need to put it somewhere, maybe not to them because again, its something they dont need to hear at this time. i have neglected certain social invitations because the feeling in my intuition felt wrong, so i decided to stay away. i have grown bored with writing this so more will come at a later time...