First choice, Last wish.
gr, just wrote a HUGE THING detailing exactly how wonderful, how perfect warwick is and how i feel so torn and tearful and horrible because i love both warwick and swansea *dies* i wont fill ANOTHER two goddamn pages explaining how i love warwick but i want swansea. i need to wake up to seagulls and ocean and Wales and, more than anything, to the knowledge that i will see clare that day. i so want an offer for warwick. the idea of not getting one for warwick hurts so much, but the idea of going there having met clare hurts just as much and i dont know what to do. how do i make this decision? what if it comes to it, and warwick offer? i would so love them to offer, so much. its what i've always wanted.
But Clare is my best friend. she is the only person with whom i have grown up, the only one who stuck by me and with whom i stuck through those ages, those important ones that start at 14. I want an offer but at the same time i its the last thing i want! i need it and dread it!
what the hell do i do?
Have a story.
“I don’t like it.” He whimpered with a short sound like a chair scraping back.
“No, I should not imagine you do.” Johnny stretched his legs in front of him and lit up a cigarette
“I…it’s dark! Dark dark dark dark dark…” be began rocking.
“Hm, yeah…fag?” A huffing sound. “Fine, fine. I think I have some spliffs”-
“How can you think about smoking now?” he spluttered “Now!”
“Better high than having a panic attack.” He blew out smoke and glanced white dots at Lex “Again.” Lex continued to rock and whimper while Johnny used his cigarette to light the floor. He was sure he could push Lex a little further. He scratched at the dust before smirking. “Hey look!” He laughed “Woodlice!” He breathed in smoke “Wonder how they shag, you know? Where’s the hole?”
“Stop it!” Lex snapped, “Stop pretending we’ve hopped down here for a quick chat and a shag and can hop back out again whenever the fuck we want!” he paused for breath “You know as well as I do we’re going to die down here, we’re going to die and the woodlice are going to be crawling all over our bodies slowly eating us away to nothing and no one will ever find us!” This thought seemed to frighten him the most “My god we’re going to die! We’ll be eaten down to our skelingtons by woodlice and we’re gunna die! We’re gunna die we’re gunna die we’re gunna die we’re”-
“Skeleton.” Johnny sighed through a mouth of smoke. Lex blinked and looked over.
“What?”
“It’s skeleton. You said ‘skellington’.”
Lex gaped at him with narrowed eyes, then looked away and took a breath. He looked back through the darkness with an expression of resignation.
“You know…I think I will have one of those spliffs.”