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...emotional roller coasters... gotta love em...
Today I "met" my dad... at least thats how it feels. I havent seen him since I was 3 years old so it feels like today was the first time I have ever seen him. I really didnt know how to feel at first. I mean I wanted to go over and talk to him, but I didnt. I wanted to be civil with him, but I wanted to yell at him... i was seriously a mess, but i tried to cover it. I just put on a brave face and decided to just go with the flow. I wasnt actually nervous to go and talk to him, it was just i didnt know what to say or anything... but once i started talking to him, i guess things went okay. I was fine througout the day after court too... but right now, i wanna cry cause I dont know how I am supposed to feel. I want to hate him so badly, but I wanna give him a try as my dad. So right now, I have soo many feelings running through me... hatred, love, anxiousness, everything... i hate how he gets the best of me... but this is also like a dream come true... I have a dad again... I dunno how long I have been wishin on shooting stars for that... but now I dont know if it is my dream come true, or a nightmare?
but i guess i should tell you what happened... i dont HAVE to visit with him... but we agreed to liberal and reasonable visitations which means that him and I get to decide together when we see eachother. He has to pay me 47 dollars a week from now on, and he has until July 14 to get 20,000 dollars. So I guess everything worked out for the best...I do gotta thank Abs tho... she went with me today and made things a lot easier... it was just nice to have a friend there. :-)
I will write more later... but i think im leavin right now... so yeah... comment
Today I "met" my dad... at least thats how it feels. I havent seen him since I was 3 years old so it feels like today was the first time I have ever seen him. I really didnt know how to feel at first. I mean I wanted to go over and talk to him, but I didnt. I wanted to be civil with him, but I wanted to yell at him... i was seriously a mess, but i tried to cover it. I just put on a brave face and decided to just go with the flow. I wasnt actually nervous to go and talk to him, it was just i didnt know what to say or anything... but once i started talking to him, i guess things went okay. I was fine througout the day after court too... but right now, i wanna cry cause I dont know how I am supposed to feel. I want to hate him so badly, but I wanna give him a try as my dad. So right now, I have soo many feelings running through me... hatred, love, anxiousness, everything... i hate how he gets the best of me... but this is also like a dream come true... I have a dad again... I dunno how long I have been wishin on shooting stars for that... but now I dont know if it is my dream come true, or a nightmare?
but i guess i should tell you what happened... i dont HAVE to visit with him... but we agreed to liberal and reasonable visitations which means that him and I get to decide together when we see eachother. He has to pay me 47 dollars a week from now on, and he has until July 14 to get 20,000 dollars. So I guess everything worked out for the best...I do gotta thank Abs tho... she went with me today and made things a lot easier... it was just nice to have a friend there. :-)
I will write more later... but i think im leavin right now... so yeah... comment