Blah
Grade wise I'm doing fine. I'm nervous about upcoming tests but that's just cause we have no many huge ones in the next few weeks. I'm thinking if this Jeff guy, my potential boss at Japan Camera, does finally tell me my job's started I'm gonna turn it down. I can't imagine trying to work and deal with all the stuff that's coming up. Not to mention I'm starting to slip back into emotionally unhealthy land.
Today though I saw a cousellor and I plan to start going weekly. or atleast as often as I can. I've gone issues and while my anxiety over these issues may only service while under the infleunce (ie pot, or when I'm drinking) these are issues that are still there. Which include my overdeveloped sense of guilt and responsibility and my underdeveloped assertiveness. She seemed really nice. She was easy to talk to about pot and the sexual issues I have. She gave me a relaxation exercise and promoted the idea of looking out into the community for help, including exploring my faith option of taoism that I'm interested in. She also told me it's okay to tell Richard I can't help him this week because of my own stress level.
Tonight I don't think I'll get anything done but atleast I can organize and that in it's own way really helps. Jenn said she's come over and hang out too. I could probably use a visit from my brother but he's stressed out enough so I really don't want to bug him. He's also sick. Anyway I need to learn to be able to bounce back on my own, I mean it's totally not fair to expect people to drop everything and rush to my aid whenever I feel a bit down or helpless *nod nod*
All and all, despite feeling poopy, it was a productive day. Mental wise atleast I guess. Tonight like I said I'll clean and organize, maybe had a good cry with the cats over nothing. Maybe go lay outside and stare at the night sky. Who knows.
What i need to start doing is learning to look at all corners of my life. That's my biggest problem, I have so much trouble focusing that I just set my sights on one problem and ignore the rest. hence why if I'm working or at school I avoid couselling sometimes because I can't be Cait the good student AND cat the person dealing with her issues at the same time. It's the same with dating. I can't focus on dating and doing well in school. And the thing is I need to learn to be able to deal with all my issues, otherwise stuff gets ignored and not dealt with and just turns bad.
Ug. if only my logic brain and my emotion brain would speak together or work at the same time, not at different times, my life would be so less complicated. Heh
Oh well. Back to cleaning
Today though I saw a cousellor and I plan to start going weekly. or atleast as often as I can. I've gone issues and while my anxiety over these issues may only service while under the infleunce (ie pot, or when I'm drinking) these are issues that are still there. Which include my overdeveloped sense of guilt and responsibility and my underdeveloped assertiveness. She seemed really nice. She was easy to talk to about pot and the sexual issues I have. She gave me a relaxation exercise and promoted the idea of looking out into the community for help, including exploring my faith option of taoism that I'm interested in. She also told me it's okay to tell Richard I can't help him this week because of my own stress level.
Tonight I don't think I'll get anything done but atleast I can organize and that in it's own way really helps. Jenn said she's come over and hang out too. I could probably use a visit from my brother but he's stressed out enough so I really don't want to bug him. He's also sick. Anyway I need to learn to be able to bounce back on my own, I mean it's totally not fair to expect people to drop everything and rush to my aid whenever I feel a bit down or helpless *nod nod*
All and all, despite feeling poopy, it was a productive day. Mental wise atleast I guess. Tonight like I said I'll clean and organize, maybe had a good cry with the cats over nothing. Maybe go lay outside and stare at the night sky. Who knows.
What i need to start doing is learning to look at all corners of my life. That's my biggest problem, I have so much trouble focusing that I just set my sights on one problem and ignore the rest. hence why if I'm working or at school I avoid couselling sometimes because I can't be Cait the good student AND cat the person dealing with her issues at the same time. It's the same with dating. I can't focus on dating and doing well in school. And the thing is I need to learn to be able to deal with all my issues, otherwise stuff gets ignored and not dealt with and just turns bad.
Ug. if only my logic brain and my emotion brain would speak together or work at the same time, not at different times, my life would be so less complicated. Heh
Oh well. Back to cleaning