thunderbolts and lightning
good morning, lj. it's been a while.
i'm out on the balcony in the post-crazy thunderstorm ... just finished my toast and coffee and strawberries (yummy local ones!!!) and am now talking to brian from work (cleverly disguised as anna on windows messenger) haha
no, i told him it was me. but i seriously can't fucking figure out where windows messenger hides and how i can sign anna out of it and how i can make it never come back because i hate it. grrrrr...
but no, today is a pretty good day so far. thunder woke me up around 8 and then the rain was coming down so hard that i decided to close the windows a bit. (MAN!! there is such a hot fit running girl dyke walking down the street in front of me right now. goodness) anywho, dozed until 9 ish and then got up. i have to work at 12 but i think i'll put away some laundry and return beer botttles beforehand. so exciting. i feel better today than i have in a bunch of days... read an aMAzing email from my friend pippa from uoft. she has a way with words, or maybe just with honesty. her thoughts on shannon's suicide were helpful, and it just felt so good to pour tears and not hold them back like i guess i've been doing. it just feels inconvenient or burdensome to be sad or fucked up. how long does it take to get over something like this? what a stupid question. like time has anything to do with it. well, i guess it does have SOMETHING to do with it. but it's not so much about a quantifiable length of time, i think. anyway, i also had 3 great conversations with my ladylove and that helps me feel more grounded, too. like my eyeballs really are attached to my brain and my brain is really attached to my heart and there are all these connections of parts that felt separate but now the hands know when the feet are tired and the strained muscles from yoga register in the place where feelings live. ramble ramble... just to say that i feel pretty alive and that is good.
i hope this finds each and all of you very well. i should get my ass in gear here if i actually want to accomplish something besides electronic communication before biking to work.
oh yes, and tonight i'm going for dinner with ej, shannon's (ex?)girlfriend and some other friens of S's. i'm looking forward to it and don't know what to expect.
love,
-ck.
i'm out on the balcony in the post-crazy thunderstorm ... just finished my toast and coffee and strawberries (yummy local ones!!!) and am now talking to brian from work (cleverly disguised as anna on windows messenger) haha
no, i told him it was me. but i seriously can't fucking figure out where windows messenger hides and how i can sign anna out of it and how i can make it never come back because i hate it. grrrrr...
but no, today is a pretty good day so far. thunder woke me up around 8 and then the rain was coming down so hard that i decided to close the windows a bit. (MAN!! there is such a hot fit running girl dyke walking down the street in front of me right now. goodness) anywho, dozed until 9 ish and then got up. i have to work at 12 but i think i'll put away some laundry and return beer botttles beforehand. so exciting. i feel better today than i have in a bunch of days... read an aMAzing email from my friend pippa from uoft. she has a way with words, or maybe just with honesty. her thoughts on shannon's suicide were helpful, and it just felt so good to pour tears and not hold them back like i guess i've been doing. it just feels inconvenient or burdensome to be sad or fucked up. how long does it take to get over something like this? what a stupid question. like time has anything to do with it. well, i guess it does have SOMETHING to do with it. but it's not so much about a quantifiable length of time, i think. anyway, i also had 3 great conversations with my ladylove and that helps me feel more grounded, too. like my eyeballs really are attached to my brain and my brain is really attached to my heart and there are all these connections of parts that felt separate but now the hands know when the feet are tired and the strained muscles from yoga register in the place where feelings live. ramble ramble... just to say that i feel pretty alive and that is good.
i hope this finds each and all of you very well. i should get my ass in gear here if i actually want to accomplish something besides electronic communication before biking to work.
oh yes, and tonight i'm going for dinner with ej, shannon's (ex?)girlfriend and some other friens of S's. i'm looking forward to it and don't know what to expect.
love,
-ck.