Unstuck in Time
I’m in study hall right now and it feels like a Monday. Acts and Psaes are over. Testing for that many hours made my brain feel like it was popping out of my head- sort of like the scene from Pi. I don’t know what I got, I don’t think at this point that I can even guess. The English and Math were a lot easier than the Reading and Science part of the exam, therefore it is 50/50 whether or not I did well. Test results come in about a month, which made me realize that I may or may not get them in time before I take the June Act. note to self- register today.
It’s actually Friday.
I want to go on an adventure tonight instead of the usual watch-a-movie-with-ken-and-rick. Anyone have any ideas? Chicago sounds fun… but who would actually be able to go? What would we do? Meh…life is so boring at this point.
As I was falling asleep last night, I had a weird feeling come over me. In less than 6 months, I will be 18. I do not feel like I will actually be that old either. When I was younger, turning 18 seemed to be so much more different, then what it actually is. I thought I would be… I don’t know, more grown up? I need a job, I really do. I need to start getting prepared for college. Last night it felt like I had just fast forward my life and instead of lying there, falling asleep, after I had just been tucked in, I was up late, worrying about school the next day and relieved the ACTs were over. What is it going to be 5 years from now? Even 2? Will I be lying in my dorm bed at college and have the same feeling? It is as if time has stopped and the moment has just moved to a different part of my life. Hah, like a bug caught in amber. I think I have become Billy Pilgrim, life acts on me, I don’t really act of life. Any way, then I was thinking back to when I visited Rachel at her townhouse in Dekalb. Did time really go by so fast? It was just yesterday that her and I were playing barbies on my hard wood floors, and here she was unlocking her door and stepping into her own townhouse. It was just yesterday that we were playing in my pool in the summer, and here she was on her way to receiving her degree in something she has so much passion for.
When I was thinking about all this, I realized that maybe I don’t have the concept of change yet. Angie never went away to college, nothing has changed there. I mean I have only lived 17 years of my life. When 17 more pass who knows where I will be. Married, children, my own house? It is so weird to think that being a teenager truly means nothing in comparison to the rest of your life. It really is supposed to be a time to fuck up and make mistakes- have fun. Your 20s, 30s, 40s and the rest of your life is the thing that is going to count. Not, how badly you did in school or how much hurt you feel when someone doesn’t like you. Everything is going to be so irrelevant 17 years from now. Then again…time is really just a concept developed to make a system in our way of life…our society. If time were measured by events, I wouldn’t be older than five. I really need to start doing stuff. High school is important, and there is only one month left, but it shouldn’t be my number one priority.
I am just babbling now.
It’s actually Friday.
I want to go on an adventure tonight instead of the usual watch-a-movie-with-ken-and-rick. Anyone have any ideas? Chicago sounds fun… but who would actually be able to go? What would we do? Meh…life is so boring at this point.
As I was falling asleep last night, I had a weird feeling come over me. In less than 6 months, I will be 18. I do not feel like I will actually be that old either. When I was younger, turning 18 seemed to be so much more different, then what it actually is. I thought I would be… I don’t know, more grown up? I need a job, I really do. I need to start getting prepared for college. Last night it felt like I had just fast forward my life and instead of lying there, falling asleep, after I had just been tucked in, I was up late, worrying about school the next day and relieved the ACTs were over. What is it going to be 5 years from now? Even 2? Will I be lying in my dorm bed at college and have the same feeling? It is as if time has stopped and the moment has just moved to a different part of my life. Hah, like a bug caught in amber. I think I have become Billy Pilgrim, life acts on me, I don’t really act of life. Any way, then I was thinking back to when I visited Rachel at her townhouse in Dekalb. Did time really go by so fast? It was just yesterday that her and I were playing barbies on my hard wood floors, and here she was unlocking her door and stepping into her own townhouse. It was just yesterday that we were playing in my pool in the summer, and here she was on her way to receiving her degree in something she has so much passion for.
When I was thinking about all this, I realized that maybe I don’t have the concept of change yet. Angie never went away to college, nothing has changed there. I mean I have only lived 17 years of my life. When 17 more pass who knows where I will be. Married, children, my own house? It is so weird to think that being a teenager truly means nothing in comparison to the rest of your life. It really is supposed to be a time to fuck up and make mistakes- have fun. Your 20s, 30s, 40s and the rest of your life is the thing that is going to count. Not, how badly you did in school or how much hurt you feel when someone doesn’t like you. Everything is going to be so irrelevant 17 years from now. Then again…time is really just a concept developed to make a system in our way of life…our society. If time were measured by events, I wouldn’t be older than five. I really need to start doing stuff. High school is important, and there is only one month left, but it shouldn’t be my number one priority.
I am just babbling now.