(no subject)
Listening to "about a girl" by Nirvana with rob provides a kind of awkward identifiable recognition that i've never had with anyone.
I hurt my knee today. My shoes had hurt my feet so badly, i was trying to dig in my cesspool of a car and find some sandals to change into, and at the same time i stepped wrong on my feet, twisted my knee into a full circle and felt my kneecap go out of the socket and then back in. I screamed, how stupid i felt. How easily i can hurt myself. I limped into work, breathing hard and evenly so as to distract myself from the pain in both my feet and my knee. I cried like a fucking baby, it hurt so bad. I got up anyway and worked until i got off, which was four hours later. Mom thinks i pulled a ligament or something. well, the knee pain was bad enough to make me forget that my feet were hurting. The metaphor of it makes me sick. Any pain seems unbearable until something else sneaks up and hurts you worse.
I think my soul is dying a little. more importantly the power i had over the direction of my life. Maybe its' just working in retail. A soulless profession i had the audacity and stupidity to think that i could breathe my own life into. I certainly have breathed life into it, with nothing in return. I get no fulfillment, i am guilty for participating in this. I think my knees are too weak to try to hold the weight of how i'm spending my time.
I hurt my knee today. My shoes had hurt my feet so badly, i was trying to dig in my cesspool of a car and find some sandals to change into, and at the same time i stepped wrong on my feet, twisted my knee into a full circle and felt my kneecap go out of the socket and then back in. I screamed, how stupid i felt. How easily i can hurt myself. I limped into work, breathing hard and evenly so as to distract myself from the pain in both my feet and my knee. I cried like a fucking baby, it hurt so bad. I got up anyway and worked until i got off, which was four hours later. Mom thinks i pulled a ligament or something. well, the knee pain was bad enough to make me forget that my feet were hurting. The metaphor of it makes me sick. Any pain seems unbearable until something else sneaks up and hurts you worse.
I think my soul is dying a little. more importantly the power i had over the direction of my life. Maybe its' just working in retail. A soulless profession i had the audacity and stupidity to think that i could breathe my own life into. I certainly have breathed life into it, with nothing in return. I get no fulfillment, i am guilty for participating in this. I think my knees are too weak to try to hold the weight of how i'm spending my time.