did you miss me?
Forgive me if i have typos, the cruelty of a space-time continuum restricts me to stupid mac keyboards which are hell on my manicured nails, and i don't believe in spellcheck.
Where am i? where have i gone? I never went anywhere, i am still under this rock, paralyzed in Texas. Things here are easier, and it's so sweet to have no obligations.
Why am I here, STILL???
We were all set, all ready backs packed and my 20th birthday under my belt. Then the apartment fell through, the one that we were going to get in santa fe, where rob would go back to his heavenly job at the golf course, and i would go back to being a retail whore and lounging in the bright new mexico sun. The lack of oxygen there is so appealing, it's like the thin air makes the normal world go to its feet and the only ones that are left are the least earthly, the most ethereal. weird evolution wasn't for us anymore, Instead of running away to santa fe, santa fe ran away from us. so here we are now.
Within two days of finding out that we couldn't get back to santa fe in time for the start of Rob's job, he found a job doing the same thing he's been doing but for the most rich and snobby country club in the whole county, Dallas Country Club. I found us an apartment right behind my mom's house, a cute efficiency for $450 a month and really low bills and a large kitchen.
We'll be living next to a Russian girl and a crazy dog lady (similar to a crazy cat lady but better).
Rob got his hands on some pot so now instead of being hyper, rude and annoying he's scatter brained, rude and sleepy. Don't worry, i didn't expect much more than this out of him so i'm hardly disappointed. We don't have sex anymore and going out with him is an exercise in how to pretend you came alone and you're ok with that. But we just signed a six month lease so we've gotta keep it working at least that long. It's not too much to sacrifice, and anyway what's youth for if not to throw it away in stupid places for the sake of experience and stories to tell grandchildren either in boasting or in warning.
I don't know whats to come of my higher education, my artwork or if i will ever have a pursuit that does not involve running from something or a man. Nor do i really care.
Everything everyone every told you that involved advice or some kind of plan on how to live your life is a lie, and i wish someone had told me that earlier. I guess i'm going into my survivalist phase again, but everything seems so petty now. the only thing that matters anymore is having a place to sleep and a job that pays you something you could respect yourself for.
Other than surviving, we saw a couple of shows here. I thought once upon a time that houston had a bad music scene, how wrong i was. Dallas is the least organized, least supportive and CERTAINLY least interesting music i have ever heard. Remember the infamous Trees Club in Dallas incident involving Kurt Cobain smashing some amps and then getting beaten up? The club gained serious notoriety after that and it's all gone to shit. the only bands that play there are linkin park sound-alikes, and people with a serious identity crisis or a hankering for a record contract, and nothing else. There is little to no jazz, not much blues that isn't played by corporate sell out babyboomers looking to go out with their old fart friends and get a kick out of themselves that they can still play three chords.
My family is all suing each other over my grandmother. She's not even dead yet and everyone is arguing over her money.
still working as a temp in various offices, answering the phone and saying the wrong business name, trying not to look too dumb, hoping no one asks me to make coffee because i have no idea how.
this is not all i am worth, but i can pose as a worthless shitty needy girl without a brain in order to survive, in order to make everyone else a little more superior. Until i can do everything by myself.
Where am i? where have i gone? I never went anywhere, i am still under this rock, paralyzed in Texas. Things here are easier, and it's so sweet to have no obligations.
Why am I here, STILL???
We were all set, all ready backs packed and my 20th birthday under my belt. Then the apartment fell through, the one that we were going to get in santa fe, where rob would go back to his heavenly job at the golf course, and i would go back to being a retail whore and lounging in the bright new mexico sun. The lack of oxygen there is so appealing, it's like the thin air makes the normal world go to its feet and the only ones that are left are the least earthly, the most ethereal. weird evolution wasn't for us anymore, Instead of running away to santa fe, santa fe ran away from us. so here we are now.
Within two days of finding out that we couldn't get back to santa fe in time for the start of Rob's job, he found a job doing the same thing he's been doing but for the most rich and snobby country club in the whole county, Dallas Country Club. I found us an apartment right behind my mom's house, a cute efficiency for $450 a month and really low bills and a large kitchen.
We'll be living next to a Russian girl and a crazy dog lady (similar to a crazy cat lady but better).
Rob got his hands on some pot so now instead of being hyper, rude and annoying he's scatter brained, rude and sleepy. Don't worry, i didn't expect much more than this out of him so i'm hardly disappointed. We don't have sex anymore and going out with him is an exercise in how to pretend you came alone and you're ok with that. But we just signed a six month lease so we've gotta keep it working at least that long. It's not too much to sacrifice, and anyway what's youth for if not to throw it away in stupid places for the sake of experience and stories to tell grandchildren either in boasting or in warning.
I don't know whats to come of my higher education, my artwork or if i will ever have a pursuit that does not involve running from something or a man. Nor do i really care.
Everything everyone every told you that involved advice or some kind of plan on how to live your life is a lie, and i wish someone had told me that earlier. I guess i'm going into my survivalist phase again, but everything seems so petty now. the only thing that matters anymore is having a place to sleep and a job that pays you something you could respect yourself for.
Other than surviving, we saw a couple of shows here. I thought once upon a time that houston had a bad music scene, how wrong i was. Dallas is the least organized, least supportive and CERTAINLY least interesting music i have ever heard. Remember the infamous Trees Club in Dallas incident involving Kurt Cobain smashing some amps and then getting beaten up? The club gained serious notoriety after that and it's all gone to shit. the only bands that play there are linkin park sound-alikes, and people with a serious identity crisis or a hankering for a record contract, and nothing else. There is little to no jazz, not much blues that isn't played by corporate sell out babyboomers looking to go out with their old fart friends and get a kick out of themselves that they can still play three chords.
My family is all suing each other over my grandmother. She's not even dead yet and everyone is arguing over her money.
still working as a temp in various offices, answering the phone and saying the wrong business name, trying not to look too dumb, hoping no one asks me to make coffee because i have no idea how.
this is not all i am worth, but i can pose as a worthless shitty needy girl without a brain in order to survive, in order to make everyone else a little more superior. Until i can do everything by myself.