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[sakuranbo]

Neither of you can protect me from myself. Allen you can't protect me from Walter. Walter the best way to protect me from yourself (this used to say you can't protect me from yourself) is to get your act together. I think you guys both know that but just to make it clear

Comments

[anonymous]

Allan again.... I wasn't going to post here any more, but I felt there were a few things that needed my attention.

First off, Anne:

You said that when you called me an asshole you were responding in kind. I'm sorry if I came off as insulting. But, when I said "you don't know what you are talking about" I meant it not as an insult, but a point of disscussion. I meant it becasue while you DO know a great deal of what has been going on, you do NOT know what has been going on inside my mind. Therefore you cannot make a legitimate judgement with respect to how I feel.

Walter, woah there. Calm down. There is no need for name calling here. I have no intention of making personal attacks against you, and If you felt insulted then I apologize deeply. I was trying to respond to Anne's (and your) comments that I wouldn't blame Jen and I would blame you "just because". I first stated that these opinions were not true. I stated that I DID in fact blame Jen, and that I didn't blame you, Walter, "just becasue", but for a specific reason
that I can describe. I then proceeded to explain what those reasons were. I didn't state them as personal attacks. I never claimed they were necissarily TRUE either. I stated them as evidence to indicate that I did blame Jen and that I didn't blame you out of thin air.

I will state again that I did not CHOOSE to feel this way. I don't have control over that. If I could, I would be rid of the anger and the sadness and all that in a heartbeat and I could get on with my life sans hindrance.

....Now, if any of my conclusions are wrong, just tell me! I can and will reconsider my opinion based on new and different evidence that I hear. As I said, these are feelings, not logical derivations. You don't have to call me names, just say "I never heard that" or "that isn't true" and everything will be fine. I am sorry if I didn't ask your side of the issue. I feel bad becasue I usually do that. However, I didn't do it this time becasue I belived (wrongly it would seem) that the issue was completely lucid and that there was no room for misinterpretation. Well, I was wrong. It was not so clear, and that was my fault.

Now, for some specifics.

-when I was talking about bringing Jen into your problems, I wasn't talking about specific events. I don't really know the details (nor do I really care). I accept your explanation, but I will admit that I am skeptical: you mentioned that on Sunday you called to check up on Jen to make sure she made it there OK. That was admirable. But, I wonder about that. It wasn't you that called. The call came more than two hours after Jen got here. And, the call was significantly longer than "hey, did you get there OK?....great!....Love you, bye". I don't know what was said, but I know it was a lot more than checking up on someone.

-You said (on your post 2003-04-15 09:06) that you were originally just looking for friendship and nothing more. I respect that. However, again I am skeptical. Jen told me that way back when you first met her, you told her that you loved her. Maybe that's not true. But, if it is, I have a hard time believing that you just wanted to be friends.

[sakuranbo]

first of all Allen I love you and your my best friend.
No matter what happens.

I'm sorry you misunderstood about the call that was my fault.

He did call to make sure I was ok, but he didn't know your phone number or that for sure I was at your place. (and he only gets one call) So he called a friend to find me and make sure I was ok.

He talked through the friend to me (mostly hey you ok, ok gota go, it was pretty short because the the lady cut him off)

then I spend a while explaining to the friend what was up and what had happened and etc.
That's why the call was longer.

And it was two houres latter because that's when they let him make his phone call. The took him just a little before I showed up at your place. They have to do processing and all that. I know when it happened with Rack's room mate that's about how long it took before they let her call.

sorry I wasn't supper clear. I said that he was calling just to make sure it was ok, but I didn't explain enough so you could understand.
I will do better on that.

If I don't talk to you before that see you thursday or friday (thursday if I finish my project on time friday if not (sighs I need to do much better about school but I'm having a hard time caring)).

Ps I didn't see walters post. He took it down before I could.

PPS
ignore Anne. She gives good advice sometimes and can be realy cool, but she is WAY to judgmental and hasty about stuff. Not to mention often being harsh, because she often doesn't care if she hurts others. (Anne, in a lot of ways I like and respect you, but it's true. Sorry if it pisses you off.)

[_sparhawk_]

i understand that you wernt blaming me just because, but the reasons that you did blame me appeared to be wrong, at least how i looked at it. the truth is that we both probably see things different, me because i am trying to think in a past tense trying to see what you did and you because you didnt know what was going on during time that you wernt around.

i am sorry about calling younames but wasent really caring about what i wrote, what you said hurt pretty bad and it looked like you didnt care because you hadnt even checket to see if it was true or not, i understand that what you are feeling is what it is and not compleatly controlled by logic, however from looking at your viewpoint i do understand it and dont blame you for feeling that way, it just looked like you didnt care about the truth.

and i understand also about misinterpretation, i felt the same way when i got into this and so did Jenn, however i misinterpreted the situation and got it all messed up. i thought i understood just as everybody else did but i didnt.

jenn explained what happend about the call in another post so i dont halft to

however the part about wanting just friendship, i dont know why i fell in love, i had gone four years not caring that much for anyone and planned to keep it that way; long story about an ex, ill explain later if you want to hear about it.
and that is why i was glad that she didnt want more than friendship because it waoul keep me out of trouble with a nother woman, and well, it did for a little while; she was stronger than me though.

anyway, e-mail waldos_joint@hotmail.com and ill give you the acess code to gt your own acount if you want one, it might make it easyer for you to keep track of some people on lj that way

again im sorry for the insults when i posted, i wasent really thinkin i was just kinda writing as it came, and it for once didnt come very nice.