Another Birthday
I choose you Nick!
Well yesterday was my birthday, another year and a year older my life has change dramatically. It was my first birthday as a mother. I enjoyed my day, my students sang me happy birthday, my mom got me a cake from Nick, Ken got me Tokidoki stuff, and I just hung out. I plan on enjoying myself this weekend with (hopefully) D.O.V. stuff and Masturi fun times. Unfortunately I might not be able to bring Nicky with me this time, my mom was suppose to assist me but now can't make it because she has an important engagement. Ken works on Saturdays and I only plan on going that day, because of the price and I need to save money. Also Ranka will not be done, so I just might either do some loli or bust out Dia's Yukari that I bought off her.
I'm kinda sad Ranka isn't done I know had more than enough time to get her done, but my life has been in all shades of blue lately. I'm not sure if its just the blues or some awful effects of postpartum but I have no motivation and for all my good fortune, I'm feeling unhappy. Now Nick is far from the source of my unhappiness, he is the brightest light these dark times. I guess that is why my time is so limited, I devote so much time to him that I forget nearly everything that needs to get done. But in general I feel sad, uncreative, untalented and just lost. My motivation for cosplay is there, I have gone out of my way to find the best fabrics I can to devote my ideas upon but I just don't feel like I can do this. I don't know why, maybe because my biggest catalyst isn't egging me on anymore I don't feel like I'm capable. I feel like my passion and desire to make beautiful things isn't enough and I will just fail terribly.
I've been trying to figure out what I can do to alleviate this problem, but I sometimes fall more lost than before. I'm trying to come up with new ways to make me more motivated, but its taking time. I just hope I can resolve this or at least find the help I need to get over it.
I'm planning on starting up several blogs that I can work on off and on to get back my mojo. Many of you are probably unaware that my first love was writing. I use to write fanfiction in college and had plans to attempt writing alongside teaching. Unfortunately I stopped when I started working and cosplay became more of my major focus. I figure by blogging about certain topics and changing the focus of BunniesJJ I can bring back to life my dead muse. BunniesJJ isn't dead but for many reasons I need to change the focus, it just makes me sadder. I'm making plans and once everything is set in stone and completed I will announce it to you all.
I'm really sorry for the whine fest, its usually not like me and I just needed to vent. And I applaud anyone that can sit here and read the rants of this crazed mommy.
Regardless I hope to make 28 a year to remember. I'm in a fantastic place that I'm truly grateful for and I want to wholeheartedly enjoy it all, the good and the bad.
Well yesterday was my birthday, another year and a year older my life has change dramatically. It was my first birthday as a mother. I enjoyed my day, my students sang me happy birthday, my mom got me a cake from Nick, Ken got me Tokidoki stuff, and I just hung out. I plan on enjoying myself this weekend with (hopefully) D.O.V. stuff and Masturi fun times. Unfortunately I might not be able to bring Nicky with me this time, my mom was suppose to assist me but now can't make it because she has an important engagement. Ken works on Saturdays and I only plan on going that day, because of the price and I need to save money. Also Ranka will not be done, so I just might either do some loli or bust out Dia's Yukari that I bought off her.
I'm kinda sad Ranka isn't done I know had more than enough time to get her done, but my life has been in all shades of blue lately. I'm not sure if its just the blues or some awful effects of postpartum but I have no motivation and for all my good fortune, I'm feeling unhappy. Now Nick is far from the source of my unhappiness, he is the brightest light these dark times. I guess that is why my time is so limited, I devote so much time to him that I forget nearly everything that needs to get done. But in general I feel sad, uncreative, untalented and just lost. My motivation for cosplay is there, I have gone out of my way to find the best fabrics I can to devote my ideas upon but I just don't feel like I can do this. I don't know why, maybe because my biggest catalyst isn't egging me on anymore I don't feel like I'm capable. I feel like my passion and desire to make beautiful things isn't enough and I will just fail terribly.
I've been trying to figure out what I can do to alleviate this problem, but I sometimes fall more lost than before. I'm trying to come up with new ways to make me more motivated, but its taking time. I just hope I can resolve this or at least find the help I need to get over it.
I'm planning on starting up several blogs that I can work on off and on to get back my mojo. Many of you are probably unaware that my first love was writing. I use to write fanfiction in college and had plans to attempt writing alongside teaching. Unfortunately I stopped when I started working and cosplay became more of my major focus. I figure by blogging about certain topics and changing the focus of BunniesJJ I can bring back to life my dead muse. BunniesJJ isn't dead but for many reasons I need to change the focus, it just makes me sadder. I'm making plans and once everything is set in stone and completed I will announce it to you all.
I'm really sorry for the whine fest, its usually not like me and I just needed to vent. And I applaud anyone that can sit here and read the rants of this crazed mommy.
Regardless I hope to make 28 a year to remember. I'm in a fantastic place that I'm truly grateful for and I want to wholeheartedly enjoy it all, the good and the bad.