Trying to get my mind around things...

[sakurahime]

Well Nana keeps getting worse and worse. The cancer keeps spreading. Last week she went to the doctor and he felt around her stomach because she complained of stomach pain and her liver is enlarged from the cancer. She is in a lot of pain and I guess is on morphine for it. She has hospice. Which usually when someone has hospice there is nothing

Comments

[oakparkgirl]

Sorry I haven't responded until now, I've been terrible with anything that reminds me of my dad and his cancer. I haven't event talked to my parents in almost 2 weeks, which stops today. I think sometimes I believe if I don't talk to them it will make things feel better because I can pretend it's not there, but instead I feel sad all the time with a good topping of guilt. Anyway, this isn't supposed to be about me.

My Polish grandmother (my dad's mom) died when I was about 10. She was an old school, literally off-the-boat immigrant with very traditional "values". One of her big values that I never really heard come out of her directly, but definitely showed in little ways, was how little she valued women. She thought without a good husband women were useless, and even then it was questionable. If they were not good cooks, were not healthy with lots of kids, useless. She was VERY mean to my aunt who I always remember being so mean to me as a child, I actually hated her. After my grandmother died she changed a lot and we became friends, because she didn'nt have my grandma constantly telling her how ugly and useless she was most likely :(

I try not to think about what she thought of me, maybe she didn't feel that way, it would explain why my aunt singled me out for her dislike too. She did vall me princess, now I wonder if that was an insult or a cute nickname ::shrugs:: Anyway...not sure if it is a generational/ethnic thing like what happenned in my family. But I am always amazed at how those things happen, I couldn't imagine living like that but it's a different world today. I'm glad things are changing, I really have no idea if my grandma ever did but I doubt it. The Binkowski's are crazy stubborn.

I'm so sorry things have turned for the worse for her, and I hope in the time she has left some of the wounds between her and your mom really do get healed. You never want someone to be gone, but it's better if it is at least surroundced by people they love and with no (or fewer) regrets. In the end that's better for EVERYONE ::hugs::