(no subject)
So, Ame and I have been working on this list for almost a week and it's beyond being ridiculous, but we had to share it anyways. Some of these are inside jokes, some are pwned off of various fancomics, and some are just plain logic. Warning, some of these are sex-jokes, some yaoi-oriented and some imply yuri as both authors are girls and so is Larxene.
Enjoy the insanity. And don't ask us what we're on.
In Order to Survive Living with Organization XIII:
1. I am not Number XIV
2. In addition, I am not a replacement for any of the other members.
3. I am not a long-lost relative.
4. I am not a long-lost love.
5. I am not a current love interest.
6. I will not call Xemnas "Mansex."
7. I will not call Xigbar "Bigrax."
8. I will not call Xaldin "Linda."
9. I will not call Vexen "the Snow Mizer."
10. I will not call Lexaeus "Rockhead."
11. I will not call Zexion "Sexion", "Smexion" or any variation thereof.
12. I will not call Saïx "Puppy."
13. I will not call Axel "Shakira."
14. I will not call Demyx "the Guy Who Plays the Giant Wang."
15. I will not call Luxord a cheater or a moocher.
16. I will not call Marluxia "Mommy."
17. I will not call Larxene "Lightning Bug."
18. I will not call Roxas "Rox-ass."
19. I will not make phallic commentary around Xemnas.
20. I will not call Zexion "Babyface."
21. I will not tell Vexen that science does not apply.
22. I will not make any comments about Axel's "child-bearing" hips.
23. I will not tell Axel that Roxas likes me better.
24. I will not call Zexion's books his secret porn stash.
25. I will not ask Saïx about his time of the month.
26. I will not make lewd comments about Roxas and keyholes.
27. As amusing as it is, I will not suggest that Xemnas was DiZ's favorite toy.
28. I will not call Roxas "Jailbait."
29. I will not make references to ampallangs while in the Castle that Never Was.
30. No, the Bulky Vendors are not edible.
31. I will not leave handcuffs where Demyx can find them.
32. Under no circumstances will I give Demyx coffee.
33. I will not sing Evanescence songs around Demyx because I know that he hates that.
34. I am never, ever allowed to distract Demyx with shiny objects.
35. I will not call Zexion an emo-kid.
36. I will not ask Marluxia about hair care products because he will go on for hours.
37. I will not give Xemnas and Saïx a collar and leash.
38. I will not taunt Xemnas with a Valentine.
39. In accordance with the above note, I will never mention Valentine's in the presence of the Organization.
40. I will not ask Vexen to make me my own personal Repliku.
41. I will not imply that Vexen makes his dates.
42. I will not step on the flowers.
43. I will especially not step on Gertrude.
44. Saïx does not howl at the full moon.
45. I will not refer to various people as pornalicious.
46. When in Axel's presence, I will not comment that Roxas is ukelicious.
47. I will not call Saïx an elf.
48. Demyx is only molestable if it's Zexion, Axel, or Saïx doing the molesting.
49. I will not insult Xaldin's cooking.
50. I will not use the shadow portals for molesting purposes.
51. I will not give Xigbar a flower-shaped eye patch.
52. I will not sing "Hot Stuff" whenever Axel walks into the room.
53. I will not call Demyx's sitar a big, blue cock. Her name is Melody.
54. I will not sing "This Little Light of Mine" whenever Roxas walks into the room.
55. I will not refer to dismissing the Organization as "releasing the hounds."
56. I will not spray perfume with Zexion next to me.
57. I am not allowed to set up cameras in the showers.
58. When Xemnas and Saïx are going to have a conference, I am not allowed to ask if I can watch.
59. I will not ask Axel if the carpet matches the drapes.
60. Asking Xigbar if he's had ceiling sex with Xaldin is a sure-fire way to get shot.
61. I will not attempt to psycho-analyze the members of the Organization.
62. For the love of all that is holy, I will not give Demyx chocolate, caffeine, or any form of sugar whatsoever.
63. I will not challenge Xaldin to a drinking contest.
64. I will not call Axel a flamer.
65. I will not go near Larxene when she is on her period.
66. I will not bounce a quarter off Lexaeus' ass just to prove that he has buns of steel.
67. I will not ask Axel if his real name was Saelan.
68. I will not ask Xemnas if DiZ is really as perverted as I think he is.
69. I will not swear in French because Luxord and Marluxia will understand me.
70. I will not attend an Organization meeting skyclad.
71. Under no circumstances whatsoever am I allowed to teach the Heartless to do the Macarena.
72. I will not sing "Maneater" whenever Larxene comes into the room.
73. I will not call Roxas "the Blond Bombshell."
74. "The Fourth Annual Organization XIII Orgy" is not an appropriate subject for an "How I Spent my Summer Vacation" essay.
75. Just because he has one eye does not mean that Xigbar will miss when he shoots at you.
76. Eye drops are not an appropriate gift for Xigbar.
77. I will not print off pictures from DiZ's secret porn stash and ask Xemnas if he can still bend like that.
78. In reference to that last note, I will also never ask Saïx if Xemnas can still bend like that.
79. I am not allowed to introduce Organization XIII to Twister.
80. In reference to that last note, I am also not allowed to put oil on said Twister mat.
81. I will not streak through the castle halls.
82. I will not ask Naminé to draw me porn.
83. I will not call the Organization the Knights Who Say "NI" because they will kill me for sure.
84. Under no circumstances will a "WIDE LOAD" sticker make it's home on Lexaeus' underwear.
85. I will be sure to remember that Saïx does not believe in "forgive and forget."
86. I am absolutely, positively never going to switch the coffee to decaf.
87. The documentary of Sailor Marluxia will never see the light of day. Except in my personal chambers for one-hundred munny a person.
88. Under no circumstances whatsoever am I allowed to ask Demyx to turn the castle into an indoor water park.
89. I will not sell Zexion's underwear on eBay. Demyx will be quite furious with me.
90. I will not sell the Organization's deepest darkest secrets to the tabloids.
91. I will not call Vexen a popsicle.
92. I will not reorganize the library.
93. "Training" in the Organization is training. Not 'Annoy as many of them as possible'.
94. I will not randomly hide tubes of lubricant around the castle.
95. The Kingdom Hearts universe is not my own personal game of Monopoly.
96. I will not put condoms in the Christmas stockings.
97. I will not give Saïx a copy of NIN's "Closer."
98. I will not tie Roxas to the Christmas tree and call him the decoration.
99. I will not bind and gag Roxas and put him in Axel's stocking.
100. I will not have Roxas hold a box of light bulbs during a blackout.
101. I will not help Axel hide himself naked in a cake for Roxas' birthday.
102. I will not think up card innuendo whenever Luxord fingers through his deck.
103. I will not ask Axel and Marluxia about their sex life because I know that they broke up last week.
104. Oh, yeah. And that tape of their last great fuck will never, ever been shown to anyone. For less than a two-hundred munny admission fee, anyways.
105. Of course, after the back up copies are safely hidden.
106. X does not mark the spot.
107. I will not mention last year's Christmas party when Saïx is in the room with me.
108. I will also never let him know that I have pictures of his "full moon."
109. I will never tell Axel that it is his coat that makes his hips look big.
110. If I want to live, I will never, ever try to take away the controller when Larxene is playing Tetris.
111. I will not tell Xemnas that zebra print is so seventies.
112. I will not sing "Macho Man" when Lexaeus is in the room.
113. I will not tell Lexaeus that he is scary.
114. I will never sneak up on Vexen when he's in the lab.
115. Vexen is not making methamphetamine in his lab; therefore I will not call the cops on him.
116. I will not hum the Jaws theme when Saïx is walking down the halls.
117. I will not hum the Hawaii Five-0 theme when Xigbar's hanging around.
118. When Demyx is being sent on a mission, I will not start humming "Mission Impossible."
119. I will never ask Axel "Is this flammable?"
120. Nobodies do not, in fact, qualify for life insurance policies and I will not let them know that I tried.
121. I will not pull out a fly-swatter whenever Larxene enters the room.
122. I will not sing “Naughty Boy.” Period.
123. I will not sing the “Emo Kid.”
124. I will not call Lexaeus “Earthquake” or “Colossus.”
125. I will not call Vexen a frigid bitch, even if it’s true.
126. Under no circumstances will I give Larxene a cattle prod.
127. I will neither ask nor imply if Xigbar indeed ran with scissors.
128. I will not call Vexen’s lab “The Brewery.”
129. I will not trick Xigbar into shooting the other members by saying “I bet you can’t hit that.”
130. I will not use Zexion as a bloodhound.
131. I will not greet Vexen with “Hello, Nurse!”
132. In accordance with the last note, I will not force Vexen into a nurse’s uniform or hide all of his clothes save for a nurse’s uniform.
133. Note to self: Saïx does not play fetch.
134. I will not sing “Forever Young.” Period.
135. I will not call Demyx “Wanda.”
136. In addition, I will not give Demyx a fish called Wanda.
137. I will not yell “It’s ALIVE!!” and cackle madly whenever Repliku walks into the room.
138. I will not ask Demyx if he does any mattress dancing.
139. I will not sing “It’s Raining Men” when the Organization portals into a meeting.
140. I will not steal Zexion’s crossword puzzles.
141. I will not make lightsabre sounds around Xemnas.
142. I will not call Xemnas “Darth Vader.”
143. I must not forget that it is Organization XIII and not Men in Black.
144. I will not prove that Nobodies believe in a high power by being the reason that the Organization mutters “Oh, god, please no.”
145. Singing “Frosty the Snowman” around Vexen is neither funny nor healthy.
146. The members of Organization XIII are not creatures of the night.
147. I will not rub against the pillars of the castle and purr “who’s a good dragon?”
148. I will not attempt to jimmy open Xaldin’s liquor cabinet.
149. I will also not blame Xigbar when Xaldin discovers that I did attempt to jimmy open his liquor cabinet.
150. When playing strip poker with Luxord, I will not take my bra off first. The game ends too quickly that way.
151. For the love of all things holy, I will not compare Larxene to the cockroach I found in the kitchen.
152. I will not tell the Organization that Xemnas sleeps with a teddy-bear named Wookie.
153. I will not offer to go grocery shopping for the Organization. That is not an experience I’d like to repeat.
154. I will not taunt Xemnas with tampons.
155. Nor will I tell Xigbar of the site I found where he can learn to make a tampon gun.
156. No. The Shadow Heartless do not like catnip.
157. I will not use Saïx’s weakness for chocolate against him.
158. I will never, ever tell anyone of Demyx’s secret stash of Pixy Stix.
159. Bug repellant does not work on Larxene.
160. I will not suggest that Marluxia uses pesticides.
161. I will not test the theory that Saïx is possessive of meat.
162. I will not spike the punchbowl during parties.
163. I will not tell Xemnas that he should take valium.
164. Under no circumstances will I suggest group therapy. It won’t end well.
165. I will not sing “Why Can’t We Be Friends”
166. I will not call Xemnas the greatest leader that never was
167. I will not anagram the Organization XIII names to find the most amusing combination.
168. I will not sing "I’m too sexy." Period
169. I will not call Xaldin the "Iron Chef"
170. I will not set the 101 Dalmatians loose in the castle
171. When I inevitably get lost in the castle I will not try to find my way back by playing Marco Polo
172. I will not play William Tell with Xigbar.
173. I will not lock Zexion in Marluxia’s greenhouse.
174. In addition to above, I will not lock Axel in Marluxia’s greenhouse.
175. I will not have a boxer shorts raid.
176. I will not squirt Saïx and yell bad puppy
177. Probably shouldn’t smack him with a newspaper either.
178. I will not refer to the castle as “the love shack”
179. I will not let them find my daily planner that has my schedule of who I’m going to annoy and when.
180. I will not grow hallucinogenic plants in Marluxia’s greenhouse.
181. I will not plant beakers of kool-aid of varying colors in Vexen’s lab.
182. I will not skate, rollerblade or anything of the sort through the castle halls.
183. I will not test the castle’s acoustics
184. I will not run through the castle halls screaming at midnight.
185. I will not make references to praying mantises around Larxene.
186. I will not sing the Brady Bunch theme song.
187. I will not sing the Addams Family theme song.
188. I will not booby-trap any part of the castle.
189. I will not imply that Vexen is self-medicated.
190. I will not take advantage of the easily-swayed when drunk members of Organization XIII, even if Roxas looks better in a school-girl’s uniform than I do.
191. Contrary to all reasons, it’s a castle, not an insane asylum.
192. For the last time, it’s Organization XIII, not the Cult of Heartless Bastards.
193. I will try not to look surprised when I actually do something right.
194. The excuse “it’s not my fault” doesn’t work.
195. I will not con them into playing Spin the Bottle.
196. Various lab equipment is not to be reffered to as “doohickey” or “whatchamacallit”
197. I will not give Marluxia Herbal Essences shampoo.
198. I will not give Zexion Herbal Essences, either.
199. I will not call Marluxia a fussy froggy.
200. I will not call Luxord a limey.
201. I will not call Marluxia a toad licker.
202. I will not call Vexen “frauline.”
203. I will not fake any accents around Luxord, Marluxia, and Vexen.
204. I will not leave yaoi manga lying conveniently around the castle.
205. I will not tell Marluxia that his hair is whorehouse pink.
206. I will not give Saïx a magic eight ball.
207. Just because the city is essentially empty does not mean I’m allowed to host a rave.
208. I will not tell any of the Organization members that they take themselves too seriously.
209. I will not sing “Love Potion Number Nine.”
210. Having a t-shirt with the slogan “-- down, -- to go” is a really stupid idea.
211. In addition to above, I will never sing “Another one bites the dust.”
212. I will not hide the Advil when it’s my fault they need it in the first place.
213. I am not allowed to re-enact “Young Frankenstein” with Vexen and Repliku.
214. I do not have minions.
215. I will not celebrate the fact that the castle does not have a security system.
216. I may not randomly "borrow" things
217. I will not answer the question, "Did you forget to take your medication," with "You know, actually. . ."
218. I will not call Marluxia Princess
219. I will not tackle and strangle random members of Organization XIII while grabbing at the coat dangles yelling "shiny!"
220. The Organization missions are not field trips.
221. Battling the heartless is battling the heartless, not ritualistic sacrifice
222. I will not steal, break or sell anything valuable on E-Bay from the castle
223. The rules are not suggestions.
224. I will not stand behind closed doors and moan various Organization members' names.
225. Especially, I will not moan Larxene's name because it'll freak out everyone and Xigbar will probably ask to watch.
226. I will not sing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" anywhere in the castle.
227. I will not put "Operation: Death is Your Friend" into effect. Ever.
228. The Organization does not like the words "I hope that wasn't expensive."
229. After a drinking binge, I will not play bagpipes in the background as loud as possible. I may enjoy them, but no one else does.
230. "Put that down!" is not a suggestion.
231. Neither is "Don't touch that!"
232. When Xemnas asks "Does this look like a day care to you". . .Don't answer.
233. "Fuck you" is not an offer.
234. Never offer Saïx doggie treats.
235. When sitting through an Organization meeting, it is considered very rude to fall asleep and snore loudly.
236. In addition, talking in my sleep is not a good idea. They don't need to know who or what I dream about.
237. "Maybe they won't notice" is just a wish.
238. Sooner or later, they won't believe me when I put the blame on someone else.
239. The Castle that Never Was is not a tourist attraction.
240. During an Organization XIII meeting, I will not announce that I am pregnant, just to see the looks on everyone's faces.
241. In addition, I will not ask any of the male members to take a paternity test.
242. I will not sing "White and Nerdy" to Vexen.
243. I will not dare Axel to sing "Girlfriend" to Roxas.
244. I will not tell anyone to "hold this" and run away before they realize that it's Larxene's bra.
245. I will not put bleach in the laundry. They're Organization XIII, not Dementors, even if they are demented.
246. Xigbar/Weed is not my OTP. Even if I'm sure he does smoke it. Nothing else can explain that voice.
247. I will not play shuffleboard in the castle halls.
248. I will not draw chalk body outlines in the Proof of Existence.
249. I will not leave this list around where they can find it.
250. I will not be surprised when, inevitably, some one tries to kill me.
Enjoy the insanity. And don't ask us what we're on.
In Order to Survive Living with Organization XIII:
1. I am not Number XIV
2. In addition, I am not a replacement for any of the other members.
3. I am not a long-lost relative.
4. I am not a long-lost love.
5. I am not a current love interest.
6. I will not call Xemnas "Mansex."
7. I will not call Xigbar "Bigrax."
8. I will not call Xaldin "Linda."
9. I will not call Vexen "the Snow Mizer."
10. I will not call Lexaeus "Rockhead."
11. I will not call Zexion "Sexion", "Smexion" or any variation thereof.
12. I will not call Saïx "Puppy."
13. I will not call Axel "Shakira."
14. I will not call Demyx "the Guy Who Plays the Giant Wang."
15. I will not call Luxord a cheater or a moocher.
16. I will not call Marluxia "Mommy."
17. I will not call Larxene "Lightning Bug."
18. I will not call Roxas "Rox-ass."
19. I will not make phallic commentary around Xemnas.
20. I will not call Zexion "Babyface."
21. I will not tell Vexen that science does not apply.
22. I will not make any comments about Axel's "child-bearing" hips.
23. I will not tell Axel that Roxas likes me better.
24. I will not call Zexion's books his secret porn stash.
25. I will not ask Saïx about his time of the month.
26. I will not make lewd comments about Roxas and keyholes.
27. As amusing as it is, I will not suggest that Xemnas was DiZ's favorite toy.
28. I will not call Roxas "Jailbait."
29. I will not make references to ampallangs while in the Castle that Never Was.
30. No, the Bulky Vendors are not edible.
31. I will not leave handcuffs where Demyx can find them.
32. Under no circumstances will I give Demyx coffee.
33. I will not sing Evanescence songs around Demyx because I know that he hates that.
34. I am never, ever allowed to distract Demyx with shiny objects.
35. I will not call Zexion an emo-kid.
36. I will not ask Marluxia about hair care products because he will go on for hours.
37. I will not give Xemnas and Saïx a collar and leash.
38. I will not taunt Xemnas with a Valentine.
39. In accordance with the above note, I will never mention Valentine's in the presence of the Organization.
40. I will not ask Vexen to make me my own personal Repliku.
41. I will not imply that Vexen makes his dates.
42. I will not step on the flowers.
43. I will especially not step on Gertrude.
44. Saïx does not howl at the full moon.
45. I will not refer to various people as pornalicious.
46. When in Axel's presence, I will not comment that Roxas is ukelicious.
47. I will not call Saïx an elf.
48. Demyx is only molestable if it's Zexion, Axel, or Saïx doing the molesting.
49. I will not insult Xaldin's cooking.
50. I will not use the shadow portals for molesting purposes.
51. I will not give Xigbar a flower-shaped eye patch.
52. I will not sing "Hot Stuff" whenever Axel walks into the room.
53. I will not call Demyx's sitar a big, blue cock. Her name is Melody.
54. I will not sing "This Little Light of Mine" whenever Roxas walks into the room.
55. I will not refer to dismissing the Organization as "releasing the hounds."
56. I will not spray perfume with Zexion next to me.
57. I am not allowed to set up cameras in the showers.
58. When Xemnas and Saïx are going to have a conference, I am not allowed to ask if I can watch.
59. I will not ask Axel if the carpet matches the drapes.
60. Asking Xigbar if he's had ceiling sex with Xaldin is a sure-fire way to get shot.
61. I will not attempt to psycho-analyze the members of the Organization.
62. For the love of all that is holy, I will not give Demyx chocolate, caffeine, or any form of sugar whatsoever.
63. I will not challenge Xaldin to a drinking contest.
64. I will not call Axel a flamer.
65. I will not go near Larxene when she is on her period.
66. I will not bounce a quarter off Lexaeus' ass just to prove that he has buns of steel.
67. I will not ask Axel if his real name was Saelan.
68. I will not ask Xemnas if DiZ is really as perverted as I think he is.
69. I will not swear in French because Luxord and Marluxia will understand me.
70. I will not attend an Organization meeting skyclad.
71. Under no circumstances whatsoever am I allowed to teach the Heartless to do the Macarena.
72. I will not sing "Maneater" whenever Larxene comes into the room.
73. I will not call Roxas "the Blond Bombshell."
74. "The Fourth Annual Organization XIII Orgy" is not an appropriate subject for an "How I Spent my Summer Vacation" essay.
75. Just because he has one eye does not mean that Xigbar will miss when he shoots at you.
76. Eye drops are not an appropriate gift for Xigbar.
77. I will not print off pictures from DiZ's secret porn stash and ask Xemnas if he can still bend like that.
78. In reference to that last note, I will also never ask Saïx if Xemnas can still bend like that.
79. I am not allowed to introduce Organization XIII to Twister.
80. In reference to that last note, I am also not allowed to put oil on said Twister mat.
81. I will not streak through the castle halls.
82. I will not ask Naminé to draw me porn.
83. I will not call the Organization the Knights Who Say "NI" because they will kill me for sure.
84. Under no circumstances will a "WIDE LOAD" sticker make it's home on Lexaeus' underwear.
85. I will be sure to remember that Saïx does not believe in "forgive and forget."
86. I am absolutely, positively never going to switch the coffee to decaf.
87. The documentary of Sailor Marluxia will never see the light of day. Except in my personal chambers for one-hundred munny a person.
88. Under no circumstances whatsoever am I allowed to ask Demyx to turn the castle into an indoor water park.
89. I will not sell Zexion's underwear on eBay. Demyx will be quite furious with me.
90. I will not sell the Organization's deepest darkest secrets to the tabloids.
91. I will not call Vexen a popsicle.
92. I will not reorganize the library.
93. "Training" in the Organization is training. Not 'Annoy as many of them as possible'.
94. I will not randomly hide tubes of lubricant around the castle.
95. The Kingdom Hearts universe is not my own personal game of Monopoly.
96. I will not put condoms in the Christmas stockings.
97. I will not give Saïx a copy of NIN's "Closer."
98. I will not tie Roxas to the Christmas tree and call him the decoration.
99. I will not bind and gag Roxas and put him in Axel's stocking.
100. I will not have Roxas hold a box of light bulbs during a blackout.
101. I will not help Axel hide himself naked in a cake for Roxas' birthday.
102. I will not think up card innuendo whenever Luxord fingers through his deck.
103. I will not ask Axel and Marluxia about their sex life because I know that they broke up last week.
104. Oh, yeah. And that tape of their last great fuck will never, ever been shown to anyone. For less than a two-hundred munny admission fee, anyways.
105. Of course, after the back up copies are safely hidden.
106. X does not mark the spot.
107. I will not mention last year's Christmas party when Saïx is in the room with me.
108. I will also never let him know that I have pictures of his "full moon."
109. I will never tell Axel that it is his coat that makes his hips look big.
110. If I want to live, I will never, ever try to take away the controller when Larxene is playing Tetris.
111. I will not tell Xemnas that zebra print is so seventies.
112. I will not sing "Macho Man" when Lexaeus is in the room.
113. I will not tell Lexaeus that he is scary.
114. I will never sneak up on Vexen when he's in the lab.
115. Vexen is not making methamphetamine in his lab; therefore I will not call the cops on him.
116. I will not hum the Jaws theme when Saïx is walking down the halls.
117. I will not hum the Hawaii Five-0 theme when Xigbar's hanging around.
118. When Demyx is being sent on a mission, I will not start humming "Mission Impossible."
119. I will never ask Axel "Is this flammable?"
120. Nobodies do not, in fact, qualify for life insurance policies and I will not let them know that I tried.
121. I will not pull out a fly-swatter whenever Larxene enters the room.
122. I will not sing “Naughty Boy.” Period.
123. I will not sing the “Emo Kid.”
124. I will not call Lexaeus “Earthquake” or “Colossus.”
125. I will not call Vexen a frigid bitch, even if it’s true.
126. Under no circumstances will I give Larxene a cattle prod.
127. I will neither ask nor imply if Xigbar indeed ran with scissors.
128. I will not call Vexen’s lab “The Brewery.”
129. I will not trick Xigbar into shooting the other members by saying “I bet you can’t hit that.”
130. I will not use Zexion as a bloodhound.
131. I will not greet Vexen with “Hello, Nurse!”
132. In accordance with the last note, I will not force Vexen into a nurse’s uniform or hide all of his clothes save for a nurse’s uniform.
133. Note to self: Saïx does not play fetch.
134. I will not sing “Forever Young.” Period.
135. I will not call Demyx “Wanda.”
136. In addition, I will not give Demyx a fish called Wanda.
137. I will not yell “It’s ALIVE!!” and cackle madly whenever Repliku walks into the room.
138. I will not ask Demyx if he does any mattress dancing.
139. I will not sing “It’s Raining Men” when the Organization portals into a meeting.
140. I will not steal Zexion’s crossword puzzles.
141. I will not make lightsabre sounds around Xemnas.
142. I will not call Xemnas “Darth Vader.”
143. I must not forget that it is Organization XIII and not Men in Black.
144. I will not prove that Nobodies believe in a high power by being the reason that the Organization mutters “Oh, god, please no.”
145. Singing “Frosty the Snowman” around Vexen is neither funny nor healthy.
146. The members of Organization XIII are not creatures of the night.
147. I will not rub against the pillars of the castle and purr “who’s a good dragon?”
148. I will not attempt to jimmy open Xaldin’s liquor cabinet.
149. I will also not blame Xigbar when Xaldin discovers that I did attempt to jimmy open his liquor cabinet.
150. When playing strip poker with Luxord, I will not take my bra off first. The game ends too quickly that way.
151. For the love of all things holy, I will not compare Larxene to the cockroach I found in the kitchen.
152. I will not tell the Organization that Xemnas sleeps with a teddy-bear named Wookie.
153. I will not offer to go grocery shopping for the Organization. That is not an experience I’d like to repeat.
154. I will not taunt Xemnas with tampons.
155. Nor will I tell Xigbar of the site I found where he can learn to make a tampon gun.
156. No. The Shadow Heartless do not like catnip.
157. I will not use Saïx’s weakness for chocolate against him.
158. I will never, ever tell anyone of Demyx’s secret stash of Pixy Stix.
159. Bug repellant does not work on Larxene.
160. I will not suggest that Marluxia uses pesticides.
161. I will not test the theory that Saïx is possessive of meat.
162. I will not spike the punchbowl during parties.
163. I will not tell Xemnas that he should take valium.
164. Under no circumstances will I suggest group therapy. It won’t end well.
165. I will not sing “Why Can’t We Be Friends”
166. I will not call Xemnas the greatest leader that never was
167. I will not anagram the Organization XIII names to find the most amusing combination.
168. I will not sing "I’m too sexy." Period
169. I will not call Xaldin the "Iron Chef"
170. I will not set the 101 Dalmatians loose in the castle
171. When I inevitably get lost in the castle I will not try to find my way back by playing Marco Polo
172. I will not play William Tell with Xigbar.
173. I will not lock Zexion in Marluxia’s greenhouse.
174. In addition to above, I will not lock Axel in Marluxia’s greenhouse.
175. I will not have a boxer shorts raid.
176. I will not squirt Saïx and yell bad puppy
177. Probably shouldn’t smack him with a newspaper either.
178. I will not refer to the castle as “the love shack”
179. I will not let them find my daily planner that has my schedule of who I’m going to annoy and when.
180. I will not grow hallucinogenic plants in Marluxia’s greenhouse.
181. I will not plant beakers of kool-aid of varying colors in Vexen’s lab.
182. I will not skate, rollerblade or anything of the sort through the castle halls.
183. I will not test the castle’s acoustics
184. I will not run through the castle halls screaming at midnight.
185. I will not make references to praying mantises around Larxene.
186. I will not sing the Brady Bunch theme song.
187. I will not sing the Addams Family theme song.
188. I will not booby-trap any part of the castle.
189. I will not imply that Vexen is self-medicated.
190. I will not take advantage of the easily-swayed when drunk members of Organization XIII, even if Roxas looks better in a school-girl’s uniform than I do.
191. Contrary to all reasons, it’s a castle, not an insane asylum.
192. For the last time, it’s Organization XIII, not the Cult of Heartless Bastards.
193. I will try not to look surprised when I actually do something right.
194. The excuse “it’s not my fault” doesn’t work.
195. I will not con them into playing Spin the Bottle.
196. Various lab equipment is not to be reffered to as “doohickey” or “whatchamacallit”
197. I will not give Marluxia Herbal Essences shampoo.
198. I will not give Zexion Herbal Essences, either.
199. I will not call Marluxia a fussy froggy.
200. I will not call Luxord a limey.
201. I will not call Marluxia a toad licker.
202. I will not call Vexen “frauline.”
203. I will not fake any accents around Luxord, Marluxia, and Vexen.
204. I will not leave yaoi manga lying conveniently around the castle.
205. I will not tell Marluxia that his hair is whorehouse pink.
206. I will not give Saïx a magic eight ball.
207. Just because the city is essentially empty does not mean I’m allowed to host a rave.
208. I will not tell any of the Organization members that they take themselves too seriously.
209. I will not sing “Love Potion Number Nine.”
210. Having a t-shirt with the slogan “-- down, -- to go” is a really stupid idea.
211. In addition to above, I will never sing “Another one bites the dust.”
212. I will not hide the Advil when it’s my fault they need it in the first place.
213. I am not allowed to re-enact “Young Frankenstein” with Vexen and Repliku.
214. I do not have minions.
215. I will not celebrate the fact that the castle does not have a security system.
216. I may not randomly "borrow" things
217. I will not answer the question, "Did you forget to take your medication," with "You know, actually. . ."
218. I will not call Marluxia Princess
219. I will not tackle and strangle random members of Organization XIII while grabbing at the coat dangles yelling "shiny!"
220. The Organization missions are not field trips.
221. Battling the heartless is battling the heartless, not ritualistic sacrifice
222. I will not steal, break or sell anything valuable on E-Bay from the castle
223. The rules are not suggestions.
224. I will not stand behind closed doors and moan various Organization members' names.
225. Especially, I will not moan Larxene's name because it'll freak out everyone and Xigbar will probably ask to watch.
226. I will not sing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" anywhere in the castle.
227. I will not put "Operation: Death is Your Friend" into effect. Ever.
228. The Organization does not like the words "I hope that wasn't expensive."
229. After a drinking binge, I will not play bagpipes in the background as loud as possible. I may enjoy them, but no one else does.
230. "Put that down!" is not a suggestion.
231. Neither is "Don't touch that!"
232. When Xemnas asks "Does this look like a day care to you". . .Don't answer.
233. "Fuck you" is not an offer.
234. Never offer Saïx doggie treats.
235. When sitting through an Organization meeting, it is considered very rude to fall asleep and snore loudly.
236. In addition, talking in my sleep is not a good idea. They don't need to know who or what I dream about.
237. "Maybe they won't notice" is just a wish.
238. Sooner or later, they won't believe me when I put the blame on someone else.
239. The Castle that Never Was is not a tourist attraction.
240. During an Organization XIII meeting, I will not announce that I am pregnant, just to see the looks on everyone's faces.
241. In addition, I will not ask any of the male members to take a paternity test.
242. I will not sing "White and Nerdy" to Vexen.
243. I will not dare Axel to sing "Girlfriend" to Roxas.
244. I will not tell anyone to "hold this" and run away before they realize that it's Larxene's bra.
245. I will not put bleach in the laundry. They're Organization XIII, not Dementors, even if they are demented.
246. Xigbar/Weed is not my OTP. Even if I'm sure he does smoke it. Nothing else can explain that voice.
247. I will not play shuffleboard in the castle halls.
248. I will not draw chalk body outlines in the Proof of Existence.
249. I will not leave this list around where they can find it.
250. I will not be surprised when, inevitably, some one tries to kill me.