Is there a balance...?
I woke up this morning feeling ashamed of my behavior. (Somehow I managed to stumble home before I collapsed.) I was such a wreck the other day, and I realize now that I may have worried several people. Sorry to everyone who had to deal with a weepy me.
Before training with Tsunade-sama, I'd known the codes of shinobi conduct, but if I ever broke one of the emotional ones, I always felt I could forgive myself since a part of me could admit I wasn't as strong as the others. Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei, and even Naruto were always there to be the strong guys who made everything turn out alright in the end. But I've been changing the way I think about that. That's not okay with me anymore. I want to be that strong too, and ever since my tutalage with the Hokage, for the first time I've really, truly begun to think of myself as a ninja.
...and ninja are not supposed to cry...
But then again... friends are. And I begin to wonder if I can find the balance between the two.
I was worried about how everyone would react or treat me when I went out today--like they'd act as though I were something that would break apart if they mentioned Ino's name. But... Everyone I met also seemed just as sad or upset, and their condolences were just as much for their own benefit as it was for mine. I guess, even though I may have reacted badly at first, everyone else was feeling similar somewhere inside.
It's amazing, how much one person seems to have effected other lives. It makes me feel special to have once been reguarded her best friend. ...It also makes me feel terrible for ever having taken that for granted... I wonder, if perhaps, one day I might be able to be so remembered...
I visited Inoshi-san today, heading straight for him first thing in the morning. He's... still looking much like how I felt yesterday. I stayed for lunch but had to leave shortly after that to go see Tsunade-sama. Inoshi-san has always been... like a father to me. I don't know much about mine, but in the days when Ino and I were inseperatable, he filled that role in my life. I've always been grateful towards him, and seeing him like this makes me hurt in another way completely. Maybe.... if he'll allow me.... I could become something of a daughter to him..... But it's probably much too soon to ask. We all still need time.
After my meeting with Tsunade-sama is done, I want to try and find Shikamaru. I just need to talk to someone who may feel what this loss is like on a level similar to.... well... I hope I find him. (Can't be too hard, right? Just find some good clouds and get under them.)
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Sasuke-kun, I wanted to apologize for flaking you off the other day. I was just... really upset. But I'm better now and I wanted to thank you for being concerned about me. *looks down, blushing ever so faintly* I felt happy to know that. So... um, thank you again. And sorry.
----
Before training with Tsunade-sama, I'd known the codes of shinobi conduct, but if I ever broke one of the emotional ones, I always felt I could forgive myself since a part of me could admit I wasn't as strong as the others. Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei, and even Naruto were always there to be the strong guys who made everything turn out alright in the end. But I've been changing the way I think about that. That's not okay with me anymore. I want to be that strong too, and ever since my tutalage with the Hokage, for the first time I've really, truly begun to think of myself as a ninja.
...and ninja are not supposed to cry...
But then again... friends are. And I begin to wonder if I can find the balance between the two.
I was worried about how everyone would react or treat me when I went out today--like they'd act as though I were something that would break apart if they mentioned Ino's name. But... Everyone I met also seemed just as sad or upset, and their condolences were just as much for their own benefit as it was for mine. I guess, even though I may have reacted badly at first, everyone else was feeling similar somewhere inside.
It's amazing, how much one person seems to have effected other lives. It makes me feel special to have once been reguarded her best friend. ...It also makes me feel terrible for ever having taken that for granted... I wonder, if perhaps, one day I might be able to be so remembered...
I visited Inoshi-san today, heading straight for him first thing in the morning. He's... still looking much like how I felt yesterday. I stayed for lunch but had to leave shortly after that to go see Tsunade-sama. Inoshi-san has always been... like a father to me. I don't know much about mine, but in the days when Ino and I were inseperatable, he filled that role in my life. I've always been grateful towards him, and seeing him like this makes me hurt in another way completely. Maybe.... if he'll allow me.... I could become something of a daughter to him..... But it's probably much too soon to ask. We all still need time.
After my meeting with Tsunade-sama is done, I want to try and find Shikamaru. I just need to talk to someone who may feel what this loss is like on a level similar to.... well... I hope I find him. (Can't be too hard, right? Just find some good clouds and get under them.)
----
Sasuke-kun, I wanted to apologize for flaking you off the other day. I was just... really upset. But I'm better now and I wanted to thank you for being concerned about me. *looks down, blushing ever so faintly* I felt happy to know that. So... um, thank you again. And sorry.
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