Slow Dance
It's raining outside. I'm not sure quite why the rain fascinates me the way it does...but, I love it. I love the sound, I often love the smells the next day, I love the feel. In some oxymoronic way it excites me and calms me at the same time. My best nights sleep are when it's raining. I easily remember times I've been caught in a downpour --or put myself out in one for that matter.
I watched Love Actually tonight and realized I am absolutely terrified of getting cheated on. That plot line has, and continues, to absolutely and completely break my heart. And despite all logic, even though it seems perfectly in line with human nature to mess up, to sin, to give in, to just plain not be flawless...deep down I can't understand. To commit your life to someone, to have children with them, and then to put it all to the back of your mind for something less meaningful but more enticing.
As I write this entry I'm also reminded of all my old thoughts about Love, things I haven't thought about in months. And in a small taste of irony, I'm reminded of how it was so very present in my mind a year ago. The debates I'd get in over it, how little I realized I understood, how much I wanted it. I haven't wanted it in so long. I know it's part of my general plan for life, and it will always be at the top my priority list (in general), but I haven't just sat down and thought about it and all it's intricacies in pretty much a year. I most certainly haven't reevaluated my ideas in any serious or mildly time-consuming matter. I'm smiling to myself just thinking of what a little romantic I had become. And how callous I became just months after that.
Now, I just don't get it. And I just plain don't feel like putting in the time and effort to think about it. I guess we'll see. Or rather, I guess I'll see.
I watched Love Actually tonight and realized I am absolutely terrified of getting cheated on. That plot line has, and continues, to absolutely and completely break my heart. And despite all logic, even though it seems perfectly in line with human nature to mess up, to sin, to give in, to just plain not be flawless...deep down I can't understand. To commit your life to someone, to have children with them, and then to put it all to the back of your mind for something less meaningful but more enticing.
As I write this entry I'm also reminded of all my old thoughts about Love, things I haven't thought about in months. And in a small taste of irony, I'm reminded of how it was so very present in my mind a year ago. The debates I'd get in over it, how little I realized I understood, how much I wanted it. I haven't wanted it in so long. I know it's part of my general plan for life, and it will always be at the top my priority list (in general), but I haven't just sat down and thought about it and all it's intricacies in pretty much a year. I most certainly haven't reevaluated my ideas in any serious or mildly time-consuming matter. I'm smiling to myself just thinking of what a little romantic I had become. And how callous I became just months after that.
Now, I just don't get it. And I just plain don't feel like putting in the time and effort to think about it. I guess we'll see. Or rather, I guess I'll see.