because we can't see our feeling.. just like the air..
in this month.. my feeling was like a roller coaster.. if i could show it maybe it will look like...
or like..
and..
then become..
and..
then..
and somehow like..
and now just like..
it began from my friend who betrayed me, called me at a sudden.. how come I said she betrayed me.. actually she didn't do anything wrong.. she just have a relationship with my ex-crush and they became a couple while I was having a feeling for that boy.. then early this month she called me, she said she missed me, since I've lost contact due to her relationship with him.. it's been two months after all...
X : are you okay, War?
Me : unn, what's wrong?
X : I was wondering why you lost interest with Ohchan?
Me : huh!?
X : I mean.. why you become that uncle's fan now? *pointed at Ino's pic*
Me : I think this uncle and his group more interesting than Ohchan's..
X : aah... I see..
Me : why are you asking?
X : nope.. it doesn't matter...
I remember she always said that we should called my ex-crush by name of Ohchan.. since I love Ohchan for the most at that time.. so I bet she thought that I don't like Ohchan anymore because of her and her recent boyfriend.. No dear, you've got it wrong.. I've became Inocchi's fan three months earlier than your relationship with him.. it hasn't any problem with you.. what would be your problem is me.. not my fandom...
tho somehow I forgive her and her boyfriend now.. I won't be your problem now and happy graduation to you..
then the second thing that irritated me lately.. when someone knew that I did something wrong and she / he didn't correct it immediately, then they just gave me a little hint about my fault.. I know that's a part of our Javanese culture.. but it made me felt more stupid than ever.. because.. yeah, I'm that moron who didn't know her own fault so you need to keep send me the hints..
it's not just two or three people whom I talk about.. I found more than seven people who did that to me.. then I realized that I'm too stupid to understand that they kept doing that thing (sent the hints, while I was fooling around) since a long time ago..
That remind me of a talk with one of my friend..
Y : you know.. that what you were worried about it's not a problem for people in their earlier 20's..
Me : really...?
Y : yeah.. it's like a problem for sixth grader.. looks like you have a fixation in your life..
Me : *dumbfounded, while another friends yelling at Y's cruelness*
Hey.. he just did some assessment.. He's not that cruel, he just too honest, and I'm not complaining about his honesty.. because.. yeah.. that's me.. the biggest moron..
If I'm not that stupid, maybe I can graduate in this term and in reality I can't.. My family got furious because of this issues.. the pressure to finish the final task became heavier.. and today I had some conversation with my friend in Clinical's team..
Z : have you finished your draft yet?
Me : nope.. have you??
Z : haha.. me too.. I haven't finished it..
Me : so you won't go to campus today??
Z : nah! it's useless, War.. I can't finish the draft today..
Me : same here..
Z : why it became so difficult!!?! every time I opened the PC, it ended with downloading some videos or playing around at soc med..
Me : same here..
Z : was it because our research's theme?
Me : what do you mean??
Z : our theme is internet addiction, right?
Me : maybe.. the researcher try to heal their selves.. rofl...
Then.. my stupidness have to continue into another section... I have something to say to my beloved sister.. not the blood-related one, it's about another lil sister.. I don't know she still take me as her sister or not.. maybe she won't read this post either..
just listen, I don't know what make you became that cold to me.. is it because I didn't go online for several time ago? or is it because I couldn't support you enough?? or is it because of me who become a person I didn't use to be??? I know both of us are stubborn, but I don't have any idea why you became like this.. when I asked if I did something wrong to you or not, you just answered by "No Problem".. then you kept telling all of the world that is a particular person ignored you and I got the fact that's not me, it's another person.. you kept complaining about your effort to make that person didn't ignore you, tho you always tried to ignore me.. then in the night you said that you hate everybody around you, I don't know who did you refer to, was that me or not.. but you have to know dear.. that night I felt useless..
I'm sorry I can't be a good sister for you..
I'm a coward who can't tell her straightforwardly.. like I can't tell to anyone that I still in love with my admirable senior.. tho I thought it finished when I fell for my ex-crush in which my friend recent boyfriend.. after having a-super-good-time with him (when he made a mess with my PC), I realized that I still love him.. Okay.. I fall in love like a sixth grader.. I knew that.. lol..
Finally!!!
I have to finish this post after all.. the last thing that I want to say tonight...
HAPPY GRADUATION!!! for my beloved yazura and lovu_lovu_aiba nee-chan!!!
Wish you have a bright patch in your future and a lot of good luck as well ~\\(>w<)//~
or like..
and..
then become..
and..
then..
and somehow like..
and now just like..
it began from my friend who betrayed me, called me at a sudden.. how come I said she betrayed me.. actually she didn't do anything wrong.. she just have a relationship with my ex-crush and they became a couple while I was having a feeling for that boy.. then early this month she called me, she said she missed me, since I've lost contact due to her relationship with him.. it's been two months after all...
X : are you okay, War?
Me : unn, what's wrong?
X : I was wondering why you lost interest with Ohchan?
Me : huh!?
X : I mean.. why you become that uncle's fan now? *pointed at Ino's pic*
Me : I think this uncle and his group more interesting than Ohchan's..
X : aah... I see..
Me : why are you asking?
X : nope.. it doesn't matter...
I remember she always said that we should called my ex-crush by name of Ohchan.. since I love Ohchan for the most at that time.. so I bet she thought that I don't like Ohchan anymore because of her and her recent boyfriend.. No dear, you've got it wrong.. I've became Inocchi's fan three months earlier than your relationship with him.. it hasn't any problem with you.. what would be your problem is me.. not my fandom...
tho somehow I forgive her and her boyfriend now.. I won't be your problem now and happy graduation to you..
then the second thing that irritated me lately.. when someone knew that I did something wrong and she / he didn't correct it immediately, then they just gave me a little hint about my fault.. I know that's a part of our Javanese culture.. but it made me felt more stupid than ever.. because.. yeah, I'm that moron who didn't know her own fault so you need to keep send me the hints..
it's not just two or three people whom I talk about.. I found more than seven people who did that to me.. then I realized that I'm too stupid to understand that they kept doing that thing (sent the hints, while I was fooling around) since a long time ago..
That remind me of a talk with one of my friend..
Y : you know.. that what you were worried about it's not a problem for people in their earlier 20's..
Me : really...?
Y : yeah.. it's like a problem for sixth grader.. looks like you have a fixation in your life..
Me : *dumbfounded, while another friends yelling at Y's cruelness*
Hey.. he just did some assessment.. He's not that cruel, he just too honest, and I'm not complaining about his honesty.. because.. yeah.. that's me.. the biggest moron..
If I'm not that stupid, maybe I can graduate in this term and in reality I can't.. My family got furious because of this issues.. the pressure to finish the final task became heavier.. and today I had some conversation with my friend in Clinical's team..
Z : have you finished your draft yet?
Me : nope.. have you??
Z : haha.. me too.. I haven't finished it..
Me : so you won't go to campus today??
Z : nah! it's useless, War.. I can't finish the draft today..
Me : same here..
Z : why it became so difficult!!?! every time I opened the PC, it ended with downloading some videos or playing around at soc med..
Me : same here..
Z : was it because our research's theme?
Me : what do you mean??
Z : our theme is internet addiction, right?
Me : maybe.. the researcher try to heal their selves.. rofl...
Then.. my stupidness have to continue into another section... I have something to say to my beloved sister.. not the blood-related one, it's about another lil sister.. I don't know she still take me as her sister or not.. maybe she won't read this post either..
just listen, I don't know what make you became that cold to me.. is it because I didn't go online for several time ago? or is it because I couldn't support you enough?? or is it because of me who become a person I didn't use to be??? I know both of us are stubborn, but I don't have any idea why you became like this.. when I asked if I did something wrong to you or not, you just answered by "No Problem".. then you kept telling all of the world that is a particular person ignored you and I got the fact that's not me, it's another person.. you kept complaining about your effort to make that person didn't ignore you, tho you always tried to ignore me.. then in the night you said that you hate everybody around you, I don't know who did you refer to, was that me or not.. but you have to know dear.. that night I felt useless..
I'm sorry I can't be a good sister for you..
I'm a coward who can't tell her straightforwardly.. like I can't tell to anyone that I still in love with my admirable senior.. tho I thought it finished when I fell for my ex-crush in which my friend recent boyfriend.. after having a-super-good-time with him (when he made a mess with my PC), I realized that I still love him.. Okay.. I fall in love like a sixth grader.. I knew that.. lol..
Finally!!!
I have to finish this post after all.. the last thing that I want to say tonight...
HAPPY GRADUATION!!! for my beloved yazura and lovu_lovu_aiba nee-chan!!!
Wish you have a bright patch in your future and a lot of good luck as well ~\\(>w<)//~