another sleepless night (suicide rant)
lets see its early in the fuckin morning im borred im shoping for fetuses at fetusmart id show them to you but the pics wont show up sooo no one is commenting on anything i feel like ranting
so
her i go
Suicide option
This is something I have gone through and want to share with anyone who also goes through this...I hope it can help some people or at least make you think about it.
In many of my posts to those who are in the middle struggling with whether they should kill themselves or not...I tell them (and myself when I'm there), suicide is always an option...no one can take that away from you. This is true, and I won't kid you...it has helped me get through many a hard time, knowing that that option was there...an escape hatch so to speak. It can be a comfort...but at a cost.
In one of my many hospitalizations, I was in a group therapy session and it was unusual in that I got something out of it. The topic was Suicide and what was said made a lot of sense to me then...and remembering it, has helped me out now. So here it is:
The problem with having suicide as an option is that you never get past that. In other words, as long as it's an option, you don't face what got you to be suicidal in the first place. From the moment you start thinking about taking that option, all engery is focused on the issue of life or death...if in therapy, all engery is focused on keeping you safe...we are talking about a lot of energy here!! With luck and with help, you may get past the crisis, but you never dealt with what got you there either...it was lost in the shuffle. You remain stuck where you are ... unable to move forward, particularly if in therapy because you aren't dealing with the issues that caused the crisis in the first place.
When I first heard this, it really made me think. I had been getting no where in therapy...everytime I had something hard to deal with...I chose the suicide option...and everytime...the issue that got me there was lost. It was a vicious cycle. So I made a commitment to myself that suicide was NOT an option....it made a huge difference in my life and in my therapy...I made progress, because now I had to deal with the issues...I couldn't run away from them. Yes, I still thought about suicide, I missed having that escape.
I'm no angel and I'm not trying to lecture or preach...as a matter of fact, I broke that commitment I made to myself some years ago and I haven't been able to re-commit to it since...at least until now..maybe...Commitments are hard for me to make, because I do take them very seriously. But back to my point. Since that break...again, I've used my suicide option...without fail...and again I find, I'm stuck in therapy... going no where fast. I went through is just recently and I realized, I don't know what got me to that desparate point...all my energy was focused on the issue of living or dying; whether anyone cared if I lived or died; how I should do it; etc, etc.
I'm very close to making that commitment to myself again...and I think I will be able to do that. I know how hard it is to give up...and I know not everyone is in a place where they feel they can give that up. I do hope it gives some of you something to think about. It's very hard to face our own demons...but how else can we move forward?
Please know...I do NOT look down on anyone who is not ready for this kind of commitment...NOT IN THE LEAST!!! I don't want anyone to take this as a put down to their being suicidal or wanting to escape...hell, as many on here know...I'm just coming out of that myself. I just hope that maybe, this information could be helpful to someone...as it was helpful to me.
Ok i know i dont really have a point, but im more or less speaking my mind. i know this really isnt even a rant but watver say what ya want
so
her i go
Suicide option
This is something I have gone through and want to share with anyone who also goes through this...I hope it can help some people or at least make you think about it.
In many of my posts to those who are in the middle struggling with whether they should kill themselves or not...I tell them (and myself when I'm there), suicide is always an option...no one can take that away from you. This is true, and I won't kid you...it has helped me get through many a hard time, knowing that that option was there...an escape hatch so to speak. It can be a comfort...but at a cost.
In one of my many hospitalizations, I was in a group therapy session and it was unusual in that I got something out of it. The topic was Suicide and what was said made a lot of sense to me then...and remembering it, has helped me out now. So here it is:
The problem with having suicide as an option is that you never get past that. In other words, as long as it's an option, you don't face what got you to be suicidal in the first place. From the moment you start thinking about taking that option, all engery is focused on the issue of life or death...if in therapy, all engery is focused on keeping you safe...we are talking about a lot of energy here!! With luck and with help, you may get past the crisis, but you never dealt with what got you there either...it was lost in the shuffle. You remain stuck where you are ... unable to move forward, particularly if in therapy because you aren't dealing with the issues that caused the crisis in the first place.
When I first heard this, it really made me think. I had been getting no where in therapy...everytime I had something hard to deal with...I chose the suicide option...and everytime...the issue that got me there was lost. It was a vicious cycle. So I made a commitment to myself that suicide was NOT an option....it made a huge difference in my life and in my therapy...I made progress, because now I had to deal with the issues...I couldn't run away from them. Yes, I still thought about suicide, I missed having that escape.
I'm no angel and I'm not trying to lecture or preach...as a matter of fact, I broke that commitment I made to myself some years ago and I haven't been able to re-commit to it since...at least until now..maybe...Commitments are hard for me to make, because I do take them very seriously. But back to my point. Since that break...again, I've used my suicide option...without fail...and again I find, I'm stuck in therapy... going no where fast. I went through is just recently and I realized, I don't know what got me to that desparate point...all my energy was focused on the issue of living or dying; whether anyone cared if I lived or died; how I should do it; etc, etc.
I'm very close to making that commitment to myself again...and I think I will be able to do that. I know how hard it is to give up...and I know not everyone is in a place where they feel they can give that up. I do hope it gives some of you something to think about. It's very hard to face our own demons...but how else can we move forward?
Please know...I do NOT look down on anyone who is not ready for this kind of commitment...NOT IN THE LEAST!!! I don't want anyone to take this as a put down to their being suicidal or wanting to escape...hell, as many on here know...I'm just coming out of that myself. I just hope that maybe, this information could be helpful to someone...as it was helpful to me.
Ok i know i dont really have a point, but im more or less speaking my mind. i know this really isnt even a rant but watver say what ya want