The workplace...
I'm sure most people that work in an office environment will identify with me when I say that there are some weird f*&^ing people out there. Lately however these little personally quirks that so many people in my building possess have become so frequent I feel the need to write them down so I may vent my general awe at humanity's short straws.
Office offender #1: The Mullet
As with most of the people in my office building, I don't know The Mullet's real name. But, since the mullet is the first thing I noticed on this individual he will be lovingly referred to as, "The Mullet". The Mullet is fascinated with mirrors, or should I say fascinated in preening himself in front of mirrors. I'd estimate 95% of the time I see The Mullet it's in the men's bathroom in front of the full length wall mirror. The mirror ritual I've observed on several occasions goes like this:
1. Stand in front of mirror and ever so slightly puff out chest
2. Take out 15 cent black comb and brush through hair several times alla the Fonze.
3. Tuck in bad print shirt (the actual print on the shirt will vary from flowers to NASCAR to boats)
4. Deeply stare into the mirror as if looking into the deep dark depths of the soul.
5. Re-tuck in shirt
6. Touch hair in several places to ensure there are no fly aways
7. Check shirt one more time to ensure the absolute maximum amount of shirt fabric is jammed into very tight acid washed jeans or faded hi-water khakis.
8. Leave bathroom abruptly, staring at the floor at all times.
A few times I've said good morning while passing The Mullet in the hallways of my building. I've yet to get a response but I do continue to make an effort. Even obsessive compulsive shirt tuckers need to feel loved now and then.
Office offender #1: The Mullet
As with most of the people in my office building, I don't know The Mullet's real name. But, since the mullet is the first thing I noticed on this individual he will be lovingly referred to as, "The Mullet". The Mullet is fascinated with mirrors, or should I say fascinated in preening himself in front of mirrors. I'd estimate 95% of the time I see The Mullet it's in the men's bathroom in front of the full length wall mirror. The mirror ritual I've observed on several occasions goes like this:
1. Stand in front of mirror and ever so slightly puff out chest
2. Take out 15 cent black comb and brush through hair several times alla the Fonze.
3. Tuck in bad print shirt (the actual print on the shirt will vary from flowers to NASCAR to boats)
4. Deeply stare into the mirror as if looking into the deep dark depths of the soul.
5. Re-tuck in shirt
6. Touch hair in several places to ensure there are no fly aways
7. Check shirt one more time to ensure the absolute maximum amount of shirt fabric is jammed into very tight acid washed jeans or faded hi-water khakis.
8. Leave bathroom abruptly, staring at the floor at all times.
A few times I've said good morning while passing The Mullet in the hallways of my building. I've yet to get a response but I do continue to make an effort. Even obsessive compulsive shirt tuckers need to feel loved now and then.