Challenge 45: Faith, Sanzo, PG
Author: rasphigi
Characters: Sanzo centric, with Hakkai
Warnings: Takes place after the current Reload arc has settled down a bit... spoilers for the end of volume 9. Also there is swearing and angst.
Rating: PG
Word count: 743
Notes: For challenge 45 -- faith. I totally screwed the time limit on this, took about an hour and a half. Argh. (Mods, please let me know if this is an unacceptable abuse of the time limit, and I'll remove/repost somewhere else)
Concrit is adored.
Sanzo has been confusing me lately. This is just my interpretation.
Koumyou killed himself … he died for you
He thinks of his master. He thinks of that bland smile, that had always been enigmatic but had never before seemed opaque; almost threatening. What was it that he’d believed in so long? What was this thing that he had tried to follow, to mold himself after?
He would kill for a cigarette. His smokes are on the bedside table in plain sight, but even if that arm weren’t broken in three places Hakkai would never condone smoking in bed. (He can’t get out of bed, probably won’t on his own power for at least another week. Hakkai can only use so much chi at a time, and the kappa is careful not to let the healer strain himself. Bastard kappa.) Sanzo is trapped in an invalid’s bed, trapped in his own body, unable to even distract himself with the empty routine of lighting up and breathing his own death…
His master had tried to warn him, hadn’t he? All that emphasis on “hold nothing.” Sanzo has been saying that for years and never taking it to heart, not truly, not when it came to his dead teacher. Koumyou should have said it plain: “Don’t believe in me. I’ll only disappoint you.”
Would Kouryuu - would Genjyo Sanzo have heard him, even then?
Goku is across the room, reading or something. (He is quiet, too quiet, as he has been since the fight, like he’s waiting for Sanzo to say something that will make it all better. Sanzo has nothing, nothing to say - except maybe “Hold nothing”, but Goku wouldn’t hear that, and in any case it wouldn’t help.) Sanzo wants to ask Goku to light him a cigarette, and Hakkai can take his “no smoking in bed” rule and go fuck himself with it, but just as he’s about to speak he hears the door.
“Goku, they’re setting up for lunch downstairs; would you go, and bring something up a bit later?” Hakkai. No smoke then, but alleviation for some other superficial pain. Goku chirps something in reply, scampers away, shutting the door carefully behind him. Hakkai chuckles softly after him. “I swear, you’re a bad influence.” Footsteps, and he looms into Sanzo’s view. “He did very well while you were gone. Now…” Light glints off his monocle; his smile is slightly tense, slightly worried. “You don’t have to be so harsh.”
Sanzo just stares back. He doesn’t know another way to be.
“Well.” Blankets rustle away from his body, and Hakkai starts working. A quick sweep, chi running like soft fingers through his chest, down his spine, pooling down into his left hip, where Hakkai’s decided to work today. Sanzo’s stare drifts over the ceiling, and he tries not to think, tries anything not to think.
“Why did you come after me?” His throat is rough, the words scraped out. Hakkai’s chi movement pauses, then recovers; he gives Sanzo a blank look. “I mean, why fucking bother?”
Hakkai’s expression coheres in understanding. With the trace of an ironic smile he says “Seeing as you’re so pathetic, you mean? Self-pity truly doesn’t suit you, Sanzo. Wasn’t Goku’s reason enough?”
Cause we’re traveling together. Of course the monkey would think of it like that. “Goku’s got his reason. I want to hear yours.”
“Hmm,” Hakkai says absently. “Well. Let’s just say I have faith.”
This grates on Sanzo more than anything else he could have said. Anger at someone else’s stupidity is almost a comfort. “There is nothing here to have faith in.”
Hakkai laughs quietly. “You forget I was raised by nuns.” He casts a very briefly sharp glance to Sanzo’s face, and says “A thing doesn’t have to be present for one to have faith in it. In fact, you could say that’s the whole point of faith.”
Sanzo grasps for the other man’s meaning, like a man blindfolded. Finally he says, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in ages.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. And I’ve been traveling with Hazel.”
“Ahaha! So I can claim a decisive victory over that man at last.” Hakkai continues with his healing, and they don’t say another word. Sanzo mulls it over, but he hasn’t come to any conclusions by the time Goku comes back with bowls of hot noodles, and Gojyo slinks in and draws Hakkai away from healing, and with the conversation flowing over and around him Sanzo can almost forget how much he still wants that smoke.
Characters: Sanzo centric, with Hakkai
Warnings: Takes place after the current Reload arc has settled down a bit... spoilers for the end of volume 9. Also there is swearing and angst.
Rating: PG
Word count: 743
Notes: For challenge 45 -- faith. I totally screwed the time limit on this, took about an hour and a half. Argh. (Mods, please let me know if this is an unacceptable abuse of the time limit, and I'll remove/repost somewhere else)
Concrit is adored.
Sanzo has been confusing me lately. This is just my interpretation.
Koumyou killed himself … he died for you
He thinks of his master. He thinks of that bland smile, that had always been enigmatic but had never before seemed opaque; almost threatening. What was it that he’d believed in so long? What was this thing that he had tried to follow, to mold himself after?
He would kill for a cigarette. His smokes are on the bedside table in plain sight, but even if that arm weren’t broken in three places Hakkai would never condone smoking in bed. (He can’t get out of bed, probably won’t on his own power for at least another week. Hakkai can only use so much chi at a time, and the kappa is careful not to let the healer strain himself. Bastard kappa.) Sanzo is trapped in an invalid’s bed, trapped in his own body, unable to even distract himself with the empty routine of lighting up and breathing his own death…
His master had tried to warn him, hadn’t he? All that emphasis on “hold nothing.” Sanzo has been saying that for years and never taking it to heart, not truly, not when it came to his dead teacher. Koumyou should have said it plain: “Don’t believe in me. I’ll only disappoint you.”
Would Kouryuu - would Genjyo Sanzo have heard him, even then?
Goku is across the room, reading or something. (He is quiet, too quiet, as he has been since the fight, like he’s waiting for Sanzo to say something that will make it all better. Sanzo has nothing, nothing to say - except maybe “Hold nothing”, but Goku wouldn’t hear that, and in any case it wouldn’t help.) Sanzo wants to ask Goku to light him a cigarette, and Hakkai can take his “no smoking in bed” rule and go fuck himself with it, but just as he’s about to speak he hears the door.
“Goku, they’re setting up for lunch downstairs; would you go, and bring something up a bit later?” Hakkai. No smoke then, but alleviation for some other superficial pain. Goku chirps something in reply, scampers away, shutting the door carefully behind him. Hakkai chuckles softly after him. “I swear, you’re a bad influence.” Footsteps, and he looms into Sanzo’s view. “He did very well while you were gone. Now…” Light glints off his monocle; his smile is slightly tense, slightly worried. “You don’t have to be so harsh.”
Sanzo just stares back. He doesn’t know another way to be.
“Well.” Blankets rustle away from his body, and Hakkai starts working. A quick sweep, chi running like soft fingers through his chest, down his spine, pooling down into his left hip, where Hakkai’s decided to work today. Sanzo’s stare drifts over the ceiling, and he tries not to think, tries anything not to think.
“Why did you come after me?” His throat is rough, the words scraped out. Hakkai’s chi movement pauses, then recovers; he gives Sanzo a blank look. “I mean, why fucking bother?”
Hakkai’s expression coheres in understanding. With the trace of an ironic smile he says “Seeing as you’re so pathetic, you mean? Self-pity truly doesn’t suit you, Sanzo. Wasn’t Goku’s reason enough?”
Cause we’re traveling together. Of course the monkey would think of it like that. “Goku’s got his reason. I want to hear yours.”
“Hmm,” Hakkai says absently. “Well. Let’s just say I have faith.”
This grates on Sanzo more than anything else he could have said. Anger at someone else’s stupidity is almost a comfort. “There is nothing here to have faith in.”
Hakkai laughs quietly. “You forget I was raised by nuns.” He casts a very briefly sharp glance to Sanzo’s face, and says “A thing doesn’t have to be present for one to have faith in it. In fact, you could say that’s the whole point of faith.”
Sanzo grasps for the other man’s meaning, like a man blindfolded. Finally he says, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in ages.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. And I’ve been traveling with Hazel.”
“Ahaha! So I can claim a decisive victory over that man at last.” Hakkai continues with his healing, and they don’t say another word. Sanzo mulls it over, but he hasn’t come to any conclusions by the time Goku comes back with bowls of hot noodles, and Gojyo slinks in and draws Hakkai away from healing, and with the conversation flowing over and around him Sanzo can almost forget how much he still wants that smoke.