(no subject)
It begins with a process of denying anything
That happens to you is your fault
Place blame, blame on anyone but you
Turn a blind eye as if consequence
Somehow escapes you
Apologizing is not something that comes easy for me. I have a lot of pride, and as a result I don't seem to notice when things are my fault as opposed to being other people's faults. But I seem to have really screwed things up this time. I want to say sorry to Pat, Sara, and everyone else that was collateral damage over the last couple days, and most importantly, Christin.
Overall, the decision to delete your lj is yours and yours alone, Christin. But I won't let you delete it without saying a few things first. When I think about college starting, it makes me sick to my stomach. The reason why is because I'm so attached to the past and afraid of change. Since I met you more than four years ago, the internet has been something we've connected over, through, and about. From FFN to "couch," I just have some great memories. Everything is so much easier for me over the internet. I should be asking you right now not to delete AIM, but I have to settle for asking you not to delete your lj. It was wrong of me to ask you to censor your journal, but don't let what I did stand as an excuse to delete your lj. Look back and read your old entries. Graduation, prom, there's just too many memories in this stupid online journal to delete. It's a part of your life, and it's a part of my life. Even if you decide that you want to distance yourself from the internet and grow up like I never will be able to, your lj is still something that connects your life and your friends life to your past. It's too late right now for me to form any coherent trains of thought, so I hope you understand what I'm getting at. You shouldn't delete your lj because people will miss you, because people want to know what's going on with your life, because I will miss you, because it's a part of your history now, and a part of you.
I really need sleep. There's so much more I want to say, but this is not the time. I hope I haven't hurt anyone in my moments of anger and sadness. And I hope that this doesn't mark a transition into a new stage of my life where I'm left in the shadows with only that damn nagging feeling in the bottom of my stomach for company.
~Nicole~
That happens to you is your fault
Place blame, blame on anyone but you
Turn a blind eye as if consequence
Somehow escapes you
Apologizing is not something that comes easy for me. I have a lot of pride, and as a result I don't seem to notice when things are my fault as opposed to being other people's faults. But I seem to have really screwed things up this time. I want to say sorry to Pat, Sara, and everyone else that was collateral damage over the last couple days, and most importantly, Christin.
Overall, the decision to delete your lj is yours and yours alone, Christin. But I won't let you delete it without saying a few things first. When I think about college starting, it makes me sick to my stomach. The reason why is because I'm so attached to the past and afraid of change. Since I met you more than four years ago, the internet has been something we've connected over, through, and about. From FFN to "couch," I just have some great memories. Everything is so much easier for me over the internet. I should be asking you right now not to delete AIM, but I have to settle for asking you not to delete your lj. It was wrong of me to ask you to censor your journal, but don't let what I did stand as an excuse to delete your lj. Look back and read your old entries. Graduation, prom, there's just too many memories in this stupid online journal to delete. It's a part of your life, and it's a part of my life. Even if you decide that you want to distance yourself from the internet and grow up like I never will be able to, your lj is still something that connects your life and your friends life to your past. It's too late right now for me to form any coherent trains of thought, so I hope you understand what I'm getting at. You shouldn't delete your lj because people will miss you, because people want to know what's going on with your life, because I will miss you, because it's a part of your history now, and a part of you.
I really need sleep. There's so much more I want to say, but this is not the time. I hope I haven't hurt anyone in my moments of anger and sadness. And I hope that this doesn't mark a transition into a new stage of my life where I'm left in the shadows with only that damn nagging feeling in the bottom of my stomach for company.
~Nicole~