freedomdoesnotfearussowhydoweit?
Keirkegaard got me thinking, for the shame of him. Why is it exactly that They put me into this situation--the one who asked for no such thing. Why am I stuck here? I want to be free from the rationality that everyone has trapped themselves into, this form of pulsating protection that stands in the place of true life. I want to escape this womb based on morbid lies and fickle mathematics. We are not afraid of death, of losing anything at all: we are afraid of an existence that isn't dictated by fate, a fate guided by the rational rules of the mass hysteria. It is either the sane mass . . . or insanity.
Insanity, please.
Today I found myself sitting on the side of the road, after ditching Katrina's car, simply out of a joyful joke. But as I sat alone, separated, unsafe, I felt so incredibly liberated. I was away from the cage, there was no safety net. I got a glimpse of what it would be like to simply exist in a moment, without any of the things that keep me secure and painfully safe. For a moment there, I could almost smell the freedom outside of the cage . . .
But the cage is so luxuriously pleasant. The cage is filled with promises of careers, friendships, love affairs, sexual exploitations . . . The cage is a nightmare disguised as a dream. It feels so lively, it feels so true at times . . . but it is only there because we need some sort of guidance, form, MEANING, to survive as humans. Even if there is no meaning outside of this room, these bars, I would prefer my meaningless freedom over this decrepit infestation of self-serving lies . . .