Conversations with the Grill
(Note it says 'with', as I was the only one out there besides the animals...the Grill is a great conversationalist).
*trying to light the charcol* Light, mother fucker, why. Won't. You...Lig...WHOASHIT, FIRE!
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*to the cats outside the fence, staring at me* Mommy did not set the porch on fire, you can come back inside.
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"Fire go boom, fire go out, fire go boom, fire go out, Saity go batshit insane because the god damn fire won't say *whoosh* I still have my bangs, right Pluto? *blinks at raging fire in grill*
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"Hot dog masacare!"
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"Ashy dog, it's what's for dinner" *rescues three hot dogs from under the grill
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"Oil fires are a myth, there is no such thing...I cannot get the oil to fucking light! Stupid cookbook, stupid warning labels, stupid oil" (I was trying to...aid...the fire with a bit of canola oil).
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"Mommy hot dogs, not shortcake hot dogs. Shortcake is male, and thus no mommy dogs...no you don't get daddy dogs, you beat your son up daily!" (Shortcake, for those unaware).
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"No, Pluto, you don't get to chase a squirel, no matter what your name sake does in cartoons...besides, Chip and Dale are chipmunks."
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"GETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY! Stupid cat, go AWAY from out of control grill, not towards the flaming kabobs.
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Summary, I talk to inanimate objects and should never be near a grill. Plus side, Chicken Kabobs, Ceaser Salad and Ashy Hot Dogs for dinner! (Plus I did not set the porch on fire)!
*trying to light the charcol* Light, mother fucker, why. Won't. You...Lig...WHOASHIT, FIRE!
--
*to the cats outside the fence, staring at me* Mommy did not set the porch on fire, you can come back inside.
--
"Fire go boom, fire go out, fire go boom, fire go out, Saity go batshit insane because the god damn fire won't say *whoosh* I still have my bangs, right Pluto? *blinks at raging fire in grill*
--
"Hot dog masacare!"
--
"Ashy dog, it's what's for dinner" *rescues three hot dogs from under the grill
--
"Oil fires are a myth, there is no such thing...I cannot get the oil to fucking light! Stupid cookbook, stupid warning labels, stupid oil" (I was trying to...aid...the fire with a bit of canola oil).
--
"Mommy hot dogs, not shortcake hot dogs. Shortcake is male, and thus no mommy dogs...no you don't get daddy dogs, you beat your son up daily!" (Shortcake, for those unaware).
---
"No, Pluto, you don't get to chase a squirel, no matter what your name sake does in cartoons...besides, Chip and Dale are chipmunks."
---
"GETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY! Stupid cat, go AWAY from out of control grill, not towards the flaming kabobs.
---
Summary, I talk to inanimate objects and should never be near a grill. Plus side, Chicken Kabobs, Ceaser Salad and Ashy Hot Dogs for dinner! (Plus I did not set the porch on fire)!