this ain't a scene, it's a goddamned arms race
The thing is that in the end, she should probably feel bad, but she doesn't. She's been raised to believe sex and love are inseparable, or more accurately that it should only take place within the sacred confines of marriage. Don't laugh--she very genuinely believed she'd marry Henry.
The thing is that everything else is just a substitute for that. For him. In the end everything else is just a casual encounter, whether it lasts six days or six years. She firmly believes that no one else will ever make her feel the way he did. When you're 17 and just finding out that sex and love don't always come in a set, you believe this. In the fairy tale that there's one person out there for everyone, and everything else is just a pale imitation, a walking shadow. It would be cruel but fair to say no matter what weird degrees of powerplay enter into their relationship, she is using Warren. And she's all right with that.
The thing is, it's just sex. The thing is, she's been in love exactly one time in her life. If she grows up and gets out of Middle Area, she might fall in love a hundred times. Because anyone who tells you that there's only one person out there for them is probably in high school. The thing is, she really believes this is it. That Lei will be able to give Henry what he needs in a way she never could--she's gentle and soft and kind. Henry will be happy. This isn't selflessness, it's resignation.
The thing is, sex with anyone but Henry has always been about forgetting, about not thinking, just giving herself over to the visceral. It isn't lying back and thinking of England, it's the exact opposite. Henry made her feel more awake; sometimes she'd look at him and feel a little thrill of shock -- you're still here -- even after two years. In high school, two years is like a 10 year marriage. The thing is, this is the person she expected to be before Henry. She'd had boyfriends, and she'd let them basically do whatever they wanted because it was too much trouble to care otherwise. It would be cruel but fair to say part of the way she feels about Henry is because he was the first person she slept with. It would also be true, but it wouldn't tell the whole story, or even a reasonable part of it.
The thing is, maybe there really is such a thing as true love. Maybe even when you're 17. And maybe it has nothing to do with sex.
The thing is everything is just a substitute for Henry.
The thing is that everything else is just a substitute for that. For him. In the end everything else is just a casual encounter, whether it lasts six days or six years. She firmly believes that no one else will ever make her feel the way he did. When you're 17 and just finding out that sex and love don't always come in a set, you believe this. In the fairy tale that there's one person out there for everyone, and everything else is just a pale imitation, a walking shadow. It would be cruel but fair to say no matter what weird degrees of powerplay enter into their relationship, she is using Warren. And she's all right with that.
The thing is, it's just sex. The thing is, she's been in love exactly one time in her life. If she grows up and gets out of Middle Area, she might fall in love a hundred times. Because anyone who tells you that there's only one person out there for them is probably in high school. The thing is, she really believes this is it. That Lei will be able to give Henry what he needs in a way she never could--she's gentle and soft and kind. Henry will be happy. This isn't selflessness, it's resignation.
The thing is, sex with anyone but Henry has always been about forgetting, about not thinking, just giving herself over to the visceral. It isn't lying back and thinking of England, it's the exact opposite. Henry made her feel more awake; sometimes she'd look at him and feel a little thrill of shock -- you're still here -- even after two years. In high school, two years is like a 10 year marriage. The thing is, this is the person she expected to be before Henry. She'd had boyfriends, and she'd let them basically do whatever they wanted because it was too much trouble to care otherwise. It would be cruel but fair to say part of the way she feels about Henry is because he was the first person she slept with. It would also be true, but it wouldn't tell the whole story, or even a reasonable part of it.
The thing is, maybe there really is such a thing as true love. Maybe even when you're 17. And maybe it has nothing to do with sex.
The thing is everything is just a substitute for Henry.