Friendship is a pain in my ass.
Ya know, i really really really hate being friends with some of the girls i'm friends with sometimes. not most of the time, but sometimes. i have this unfortunate habbit of developing feelings for them sometimes. it's hard because you get to know them so damn well and you realize periodically that they would be great for you, but the fact is that friendship doesn't allow for relationship... who the fuck made that god damn rule?
it's not that i can't be friends with them. there is a close friend of mine who, well, i go back and forth about. She seems like a great fit for me, however it would be complicated. she likes one of my friends, who probably likes her too but they have a long and aggrevating history that never seems to fade, but never seems to evolve. sometimes i think she might have some feelings for me but doesn't want to express them because she also realizes the complications behind the whole thing. i'm not sure about that one, but if that were the case, i say what the hell, why not give it a shot? true, a friendship, a great friendship, is put on the line, but what if it worked out? what if we were actually perfect for eachother? then the risk would totally be worth it, but then again it could fail, we could hate eachother and screw up everything. but i don't know, i don't think it would screw everything. after all, if our friendship is so strong why couldn't we, through time, heal the wounds and be friends again if it didn't work? i think it's worth the risk, the problem is i don't have the balls to actually make an honest attempt because of the fact i myself am affriad of friendship, only not because i am affriad of losing it, but because i'm affraid of it shooting me down. ugh... frustration. who knows, maybe i should take a chance and try. if i failed it might be awkward at first, but hey, at least i could get it out of my system... i dunno, help!
part of me hopes she reads this... but more of me hopes she doesn't. if she reads this, i just want her to know that she's always my friend first, and that like someone else very close to me, i can put feeling behind me and move on, i have once, i can again. sometimes the best answer to love is right in front of your face, but you just don't realize, believe, or want to accept it. some of the closest friendships turn into the greatest romances. (thanks for the quote Rachel, i'll never forget that one. i gotta credit you with it cause it's just so good).
it's not that i can't be friends with them. there is a close friend of mine who, well, i go back and forth about. She seems like a great fit for me, however it would be complicated. she likes one of my friends, who probably likes her too but they have a long and aggrevating history that never seems to fade, but never seems to evolve. sometimes i think she might have some feelings for me but doesn't want to express them because she also realizes the complications behind the whole thing. i'm not sure about that one, but if that were the case, i say what the hell, why not give it a shot? true, a friendship, a great friendship, is put on the line, but what if it worked out? what if we were actually perfect for eachother? then the risk would totally be worth it, but then again it could fail, we could hate eachother and screw up everything. but i don't know, i don't think it would screw everything. after all, if our friendship is so strong why couldn't we, through time, heal the wounds and be friends again if it didn't work? i think it's worth the risk, the problem is i don't have the balls to actually make an honest attempt because of the fact i myself am affriad of friendship, only not because i am affriad of losing it, but because i'm affraid of it shooting me down. ugh... frustration. who knows, maybe i should take a chance and try. if i failed it might be awkward at first, but hey, at least i could get it out of my system... i dunno, help!
part of me hopes she reads this... but more of me hopes she doesn't. if she reads this, i just want her to know that she's always my friend first, and that like someone else very close to me, i can put feeling behind me and move on, i have once, i can again. sometimes the best answer to love is right in front of your face, but you just don't realize, believe, or want to accept it. some of the closest friendships turn into the greatest romances. (thanks for the quote Rachel, i'll never forget that one. i gotta credit you with it cause it's just so good).