Aquarius Festival drabble The hardest ordeal of Aquarius
This time it isn't a fanart, but a drabble I wrote a while ago but only posted at my lj, so those at my f-list sorry for this déja-vu ^^;;;
but it kinda of sounds too fitting for the Aquarius festival...
I'll try to draw more fanarts but 'w' gets all my time right now...
PS- Nivoe is Camus' master - the original idea for this character was from ariadnascrp ,- then he was developed alongside with Milo's master (Selek) in the forum Saint Seiya Battles ( http://www.phpbber.com/phpbb/index.php?mforum=ssbattle ) threads (me playing both Aquarius saints).But anyway I don't think much background is needed to understand how it goes the drabble...It's Camus' first arrival at the Siberia training grounds where he's going to be trained by Nivoe.
Siberia turned out to be a most unwelcoming place. For Camus, it was as if he had reached the dead end of the world.
Silence.
And the purity of snow and ice.
And Nivoe’s cold glare everyday reminding him that it was a long way till he could only get to level up with the minimum of expectations of the Aquarius master.
There was no movement around, not even the tiniest animal could be seen by daylight, if daylight could be called that feeble light that reached the snow. And in the night the wind muffled all possible sounds out of the little wooden hut.
The first days there had been an ordeal for the young Aquarius apprentice.
Nivoe had decided to train him even harder disregarding the cold and the intense effort.
Camus’ limbs felt as if miles and miles away, numb in cold and with no strengths whatsoever to go on. He fell to the ground totally exhausted. But nevertheless he tried to get up again. He could sense Nivoe’s disappointment. He knew from his training at the sanctuary that Nivoe would reprimand him for being a feeble child, that he would again and again remind him of his unworthiness and how much he had to improve just to fight for the cloth.
That night while Camus got into his bed and pulled the blanket till his frozen nose and let himself drown in the tiredness, he felt the door opened slightly and he could see Nivoe there standing. But then the silhouette figure turned and closed the door.
Camus felt tears in his eyes.
“I’ve tried so hard” he sobbed, in a miserable tone. He fell asleep with the uneasy images of Nivoe’s frown and smirk in his mind.
[[[ Such a disappointment…Such a waste of time…]]]
In the first hours of the new day, as the boreal lights paled away the darkness and the feeble sun light came to that nowhere land, the door crackled opened, and with it Camus’ eyes.He stood up immediately, ready to get up and don his clothes in minutes, swallow up his meagre breakfast and start again the training in the dead cold of darkness.
“Camus,” Nivoe murmured and stepped into the little room, sat in the bed and observed his apprentice “Today you’ll stay in bed…”
“master?” Camus asked with a hint of humiliation. Maybe Nivoe had just realised that Camus would not stand much longer the real training to become the next Aquarius saint, and to humiliate him more, he will make him feel inferior again. “Master, I…I ‘ll keep on trying to get it better…master, I’ll…”
“Enough, Camus…You have to undergo now a different kind of …training. You have to know that you’re the only apprentice I’ve had who have reached this far. After you pass the following test you’ll be the closer ever to succeed me as the Aquarius Saint…but I warn you, this is the hardest ordeal of all…not even when fighting for the cloth to recognise you as the next Aquarius saint will be the same.. Now, tell me; Camus…
“Listen, Camus…Do you remember your parents?”
“No…well,…they left me when I was too young…they died…”
“What did you feel when you knew you were alone in this world?
“I…”
“You hated them for leaving you” Nivoe whispered, looking intensively into Camus’ eyes “You hated yourselves because you thought yourself to be guilty of that” Camus tried to repress the tears and the pain. If that was a test as Nivoe had said, he had to pass it, he had to prove himself worthy of the Aquarius cloth…no matter the cost. “You won’t feel that loss again because no-one can replace the love of your parents…Admit it, Camus, it is lost in the thread of time, there’s no coming back to it. But there will be other losses, because there are other people”
“No!, I won’t let people hurt me!!” Camus replied harshly, looking at Nivoe with concealed suffering, clenching his fists under the blanket and repressing the burning tears.
“Then, my loss won’t hurt you that much, isn’t that so, Camus? There will be nothing to link us but that cloth and this time we have spent together…what will you remember from these days in Siberia? What will you remember of me when I am gone from your life?”
“Master…I…”
“Will you feel weaker because of that remembrance?”
“No, master”
“Why not, Camus?”
“Because I control my feelings and I’ll have achieved total indifference, master”
“How so, Camus? How will you silence those feelings when you don’t have them now and won’t be acquiring them?” Nivoe smirked “What you have now from me is…the image of a tyrant, someone you don’t love, someone who only has treated you bad…You won’t be missing such a person, will you?” Nivoe’s eyes lowered to his hands “And I cannot blame you for that… for that silence your heart will feel, for that void. No presence, no pain, that’s what you will think…”
“Master”
Nivoe sighed “In order to fight your feelings you have to understand them, and to understand them you need to know them” Nivoe reached for Camus and hugged him, cradling him into his arms to Camus’ surprise. “And this, my child, this is love…”Nivoe whispered in Camus’ ear “Now…when you remember me, you’ll remember this, and then the loss will be different…it will be painful”
Camus closed his eyes letting the warmth of hi master’s body get into his very own bones. Images from the past flowed into his mind, memories that only brought pain. The same deep presence of loneliness gnawing at his mind, trying to capture him for ever. All the scoldings, his glares, even the hard training,…everything turned into a new dimension with Nivoe’s hard body pressing into Camus’, making him feel safer and protected, knowing Nivoe had been and will be caring for him. He grasped Nivoe’s shoulders, tears now travelling the length of his cheeks.
“You can fool others, Camus, but not your heart…That’s the ordeal, that’s the test.” Nivoe got up and bent and kissed Camus in his forehead “Give yourself time, Camus, but be sure someday you’ll have to confront this…” Nivoe’s lips tensed in a sweet smile. “Then, the call of your duty will be stronger than that pain…you’ll have to hide the tears and proceed with your actions… no matter what. Because if you don’t, you will be destroyed… utterly destroyed by that loss…by that pain. You’ll have to silence it, kill it, ignore it, build your strength upon it, feed on it and the anger that will engulf you…” Nivoe whispered and petted Camus’ hair, turned and with a last glance got out of the little room.
Then some noise of glass trinkets and the smell of breakfast.
7-Nov-2005
but it kinda of sounds too fitting for the Aquarius festival...
I'll try to draw more fanarts but 'w' gets all my time right now...
PS- Nivoe is Camus' master - the original idea for this character was from ariadnascrp ,- then he was developed alongside with Milo's master (Selek) in the forum Saint Seiya Battles ( http://www.phpbber.com/phpbb/index.php?mforum=ssbattle ) threads (me playing both Aquarius saints).But anyway I don't think much background is needed to understand how it goes the drabble...It's Camus' first arrival at the Siberia training grounds where he's going to be trained by Nivoe.
Siberia turned out to be a most unwelcoming place. For Camus, it was as if he had reached the dead end of the world.
Silence.
And the purity of snow and ice.
And Nivoe’s cold glare everyday reminding him that it was a long way till he could only get to level up with the minimum of expectations of the Aquarius master.
There was no movement around, not even the tiniest animal could be seen by daylight, if daylight could be called that feeble light that reached the snow. And in the night the wind muffled all possible sounds out of the little wooden hut.
The first days there had been an ordeal for the young Aquarius apprentice.
Nivoe had decided to train him even harder disregarding the cold and the intense effort.
Camus’ limbs felt as if miles and miles away, numb in cold and with no strengths whatsoever to go on. He fell to the ground totally exhausted. But nevertheless he tried to get up again. He could sense Nivoe’s disappointment. He knew from his training at the sanctuary that Nivoe would reprimand him for being a feeble child, that he would again and again remind him of his unworthiness and how much he had to improve just to fight for the cloth.
That night while Camus got into his bed and pulled the blanket till his frozen nose and let himself drown in the tiredness, he felt the door opened slightly and he could see Nivoe there standing. But then the silhouette figure turned and closed the door.
Camus felt tears in his eyes.
“I’ve tried so hard” he sobbed, in a miserable tone. He fell asleep with the uneasy images of Nivoe’s frown and smirk in his mind.
[[[ Such a disappointment…Such a waste of time…]]]
In the first hours of the new day, as the boreal lights paled away the darkness and the feeble sun light came to that nowhere land, the door crackled opened, and with it Camus’ eyes.He stood up immediately, ready to get up and don his clothes in minutes, swallow up his meagre breakfast and start again the training in the dead cold of darkness.
“Camus,” Nivoe murmured and stepped into the little room, sat in the bed and observed his apprentice “Today you’ll stay in bed…”
“master?” Camus asked with a hint of humiliation. Maybe Nivoe had just realised that Camus would not stand much longer the real training to become the next Aquarius saint, and to humiliate him more, he will make him feel inferior again. “Master, I…I ‘ll keep on trying to get it better…master, I’ll…”
“Enough, Camus…You have to undergo now a different kind of …training. You have to know that you’re the only apprentice I’ve had who have reached this far. After you pass the following test you’ll be the closer ever to succeed me as the Aquarius Saint…but I warn you, this is the hardest ordeal of all…not even when fighting for the cloth to recognise you as the next Aquarius saint will be the same.. Now, tell me; Camus…
“Listen, Camus…Do you remember your parents?”
“No…well,…they left me when I was too young…they died…”
“What did you feel when you knew you were alone in this world?
“I…”
“You hated them for leaving you” Nivoe whispered, looking intensively into Camus’ eyes “You hated yourselves because you thought yourself to be guilty of that” Camus tried to repress the tears and the pain. If that was a test as Nivoe had said, he had to pass it, he had to prove himself worthy of the Aquarius cloth…no matter the cost. “You won’t feel that loss again because no-one can replace the love of your parents…Admit it, Camus, it is lost in the thread of time, there’s no coming back to it. But there will be other losses, because there are other people”
“No!, I won’t let people hurt me!!” Camus replied harshly, looking at Nivoe with concealed suffering, clenching his fists under the blanket and repressing the burning tears.
“Then, my loss won’t hurt you that much, isn’t that so, Camus? There will be nothing to link us but that cloth and this time we have spent together…what will you remember from these days in Siberia? What will you remember of me when I am gone from your life?”
“Master…I…”
“Will you feel weaker because of that remembrance?”
“No, master”
“Why not, Camus?”
“Because I control my feelings and I’ll have achieved total indifference, master”
“How so, Camus? How will you silence those feelings when you don’t have them now and won’t be acquiring them?” Nivoe smirked “What you have now from me is…the image of a tyrant, someone you don’t love, someone who only has treated you bad…You won’t be missing such a person, will you?” Nivoe’s eyes lowered to his hands “And I cannot blame you for that… for that silence your heart will feel, for that void. No presence, no pain, that’s what you will think…”
“Master”
Nivoe sighed “In order to fight your feelings you have to understand them, and to understand them you need to know them” Nivoe reached for Camus and hugged him, cradling him into his arms to Camus’ surprise. “And this, my child, this is love…”Nivoe whispered in Camus’ ear “Now…when you remember me, you’ll remember this, and then the loss will be different…it will be painful”
Camus closed his eyes letting the warmth of hi master’s body get into his very own bones. Images from the past flowed into his mind, memories that only brought pain. The same deep presence of loneliness gnawing at his mind, trying to capture him for ever. All the scoldings, his glares, even the hard training,…everything turned into a new dimension with Nivoe’s hard body pressing into Camus’, making him feel safer and protected, knowing Nivoe had been and will be caring for him. He grasped Nivoe’s shoulders, tears now travelling the length of his cheeks.
“You can fool others, Camus, but not your heart…That’s the ordeal, that’s the test.” Nivoe got up and bent and kissed Camus in his forehead “Give yourself time, Camus, but be sure someday you’ll have to confront this…” Nivoe’s lips tensed in a sweet smile. “Then, the call of your duty will be stronger than that pain…you’ll have to hide the tears and proceed with your actions… no matter what. Because if you don’t, you will be destroyed… utterly destroyed by that loss…by that pain. You’ll have to silence it, kill it, ignore it, build your strength upon it, feed on it and the anger that will engulf you…” Nivoe whispered and petted Camus’ hair, turned and with a last glance got out of the little room.
Then some noise of glass trinkets and the smell of breakfast.
7-Nov-2005