Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Weirdos.
I barely even have words to describe my feelings about Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. Immediately after seeing it I tweeted: "Sherlock Holmes 2 was a hallucinatory film experience that I constantly couldn't believe was happening to me. Not sure if I recommend it?" That feeling holds true this morning; I'm finding it difficult to believe that some stuff in that movie actually happened in the movie and not in my dreams afterwards.
I'm not going to write a full review, I'm just going to list a few of the more cracktastic elements of the film that I think are particularly ripe for discussion and in no particular order. This will have some spoilers... not as though there's any real plot to speak of...
1. FAT PONY. There was a ten-minute-long gag about Holmes riding a fat pony. It was... surreal. I couldn't stop thinking about Kate Beaton's fat pony.
2. Irene died?! Like, for real?! I thought for sure they were going to bring her back in the end, but they didn't and only addressed it later for about thirty seconds. That was a weird throwaway moment that I did not see coming.
3. Mycroft Holmes: TOO GAY TO FUNCTION. God Stephen Fry is always my favorite. His boy toy following him around everywhere? Yes. Calling Holmes "Shirley"? YES. WALKING AROUND NAKED, NOT REALIZING HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IT MAKES MARY. OH GOD YES. I think the sequel should just be Mycroft and Mary hanging out in London, and she is the conventional but secretly awesome straight girl and he is the wacky gay best friend and they go out for tea and gossip about everyone ever and end up having conversations about Mary's sex life and Mary spends the whole time blushing because this is so improper! but she's secretly loving it, because her sex life is amazing and she's never had many girl friends, and certainly never known anyone like this.
4. On the subject: Mary was awesome! Gosh what a BAMF. Pointing the gun at that guy so Watson could throw him out of the train? DAMN GIRL. Not to mention the fact that she decoded Moriarty's notebooks and helped the police confiscate all his money! All while looking just charmingly adorable! I love her devious little suppressed smile. Again, the sequel should just be her and Mycroft, all the time.
5. Noomi was the awesomest gypsy.
6. RDJ crossdressing. What. What. What are you doing. What even. What is this. That whole scene was just crackfic at its crackiest. Not that Holmes crossdressing is not canon, it totally is. But Holmes running around shirtless and in makeup, shooting guns at people and then SPOONING WITH WATSON while they get shot at? What a surreal moment to have in a film. Also, yeah, Holmes WOULD be little spoon.
7. As Chekhov said, if there's a heart-starting adrenaline shot in the first act...
8. When the movie wasn't unbelievably strange, it had some really brutal moments. That one guy shot himself in the head right in front of them! What! Also, the torture scene where Holmes was hanging from a giant hook, hooked under his collarbone?? Jesus! That was awful!
9. FACE SWITCHING??? How do I even address how bizarre and idiotic this whole concept is? Yes, the human body can accept skin grafts, but peeling off someone's WHOLE FACE and replacing it with another face? In the 1890s, no less. My disbelief was not suspended. (Also, splintercat and I were sure that John Travolta and Nic Cage were going to pop out of the shadows at any moment and start blowing shit up. "You're going to take my face... off?")
10. PSYCHIC FIGHT SCENE BETWEEN HOLMES AND MORIARTY??? What was that all about? I liked the chess game, even if it was the most painfully obvious symbolism ever to happen in front of my eyes ever, but I wasn't sure about the whole imagined fight scene. Mostly it was just funny? Which I think it wasn't supposed to be. Whoops.
I'm not going to write a full review, I'm just going to list a few of the more cracktastic elements of the film that I think are particularly ripe for discussion and in no particular order. This will have some spoilers... not as though there's any real plot to speak of...
1. FAT PONY. There was a ten-minute-long gag about Holmes riding a fat pony. It was... surreal. I couldn't stop thinking about Kate Beaton's fat pony.
2. Irene died?! Like, for real?! I thought for sure they were going to bring her back in the end, but they didn't and only addressed it later for about thirty seconds. That was a weird throwaway moment that I did not see coming.
3. Mycroft Holmes: TOO GAY TO FUNCTION. God Stephen Fry is always my favorite. His boy toy following him around everywhere? Yes. Calling Holmes "Shirley"? YES. WALKING AROUND NAKED, NOT REALIZING HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IT MAKES MARY. OH GOD YES. I think the sequel should just be Mycroft and Mary hanging out in London, and she is the conventional but secretly awesome straight girl and he is the wacky gay best friend and they go out for tea and gossip about everyone ever and end up having conversations about Mary's sex life and Mary spends the whole time blushing because this is so improper! but she's secretly loving it, because her sex life is amazing and she's never had many girl friends, and certainly never known anyone like this.
4. On the subject: Mary was awesome! Gosh what a BAMF. Pointing the gun at that guy so Watson could throw him out of the train? DAMN GIRL. Not to mention the fact that she decoded Moriarty's notebooks and helped the police confiscate all his money! All while looking just charmingly adorable! I love her devious little suppressed smile. Again, the sequel should just be her and Mycroft, all the time.
5. Noomi was the awesomest gypsy.
6. RDJ crossdressing. What. What. What are you doing. What even. What is this. That whole scene was just crackfic at its crackiest. Not that Holmes crossdressing is not canon, it totally is. But Holmes running around shirtless and in makeup, shooting guns at people and then SPOONING WITH WATSON while they get shot at? What a surreal moment to have in a film. Also, yeah, Holmes WOULD be little spoon.
7. As Chekhov said, if there's a heart-starting adrenaline shot in the first act...
8. When the movie wasn't unbelievably strange, it had some really brutal moments. That one guy shot himself in the head right in front of them! What! Also, the torture scene where Holmes was hanging from a giant hook, hooked under his collarbone?? Jesus! That was awful!
9. FACE SWITCHING??? How do I even address how bizarre and idiotic this whole concept is? Yes, the human body can accept skin grafts, but peeling off someone's WHOLE FACE and replacing it with another face? In the 1890s, no less. My disbelief was not suspended. (Also, splintercat and I were sure that John Travolta and Nic Cage were going to pop out of the shadows at any moment and start blowing shit up. "You're going to take my face... off?")
10. PSYCHIC FIGHT SCENE BETWEEN HOLMES AND MORIARTY??? What was that all about? I liked the chess game, even if it was the most painfully obvious symbolism ever to happen in front of my eyes ever, but I wasn't sure about the whole imagined fight scene. Mostly it was just funny? Which I think it wasn't supposed to be. Whoops.