Why do I even update this thing?
Yeah, I know deep down why I want to keep this: To look back at the highs and lows of life, and see God working through it all. That said, He's hard to see right now.
My life is just: Purposeless.
I'm pretty depressed right now I guess. I could say that life is good, and pretend like everything is ok. And to some extent, that's the truth. Externally speaking, life is good. I have food, shelter, clothing, friends, all manner of diversion, salvation, and a good group of guys at my church.
Why then, am I so incredibly depressed?
Maybe I'm perishing from a lack of vision. I don't see what good my life is doing for the Kingdom, or for that matter, why finishing my degree is going to help that. Part of me wants to do nothing. Part of me wants to do so much more. Yet, I'm stuck here. My life is in neutral, and I'm just drifting.
I have much to be thankful for, and I do thank God for those things. For friends, for family, for supplying my needs, and for saving me. I do though, need direction, need purpose, need a clear word from God on what to do with my life. I've heard it said, that God cares more about who you are than about what you do. I believe that, sure I do. So, I guess I'm just gonna take that attitude and flip burgers, and see what happens. God can work in the casseroles and the monotony of life, just as He can work through the drama, excitement, and tragedy of life. Why me God? I don't deserve this, not for a minute. Knowing that, I just want to lay in my own pathetic existence and not do a thing, for me, for your Kingdom, or for anyone else.
I do know, that You want me for some reason (guess that's why I'm still here). Anyway, I'm tired of not knowing, my patience has worn thin, and I'm still as pathetic as I ever was. Give me strength and direction Lord God, show me the next step to take, and help your servant to live moment by moment and step by step. Have mercy on me Lord, I'm a wicked sinner that can't save himself from his sins, his circumstances, or his own self-doubt and self-loathing. You are here though Lord, and here am I. You have my attention.
Now what?
My life is just: Purposeless.
I'm pretty depressed right now I guess. I could say that life is good, and pretend like everything is ok. And to some extent, that's the truth. Externally speaking, life is good. I have food, shelter, clothing, friends, all manner of diversion, salvation, and a good group of guys at my church.
Why then, am I so incredibly depressed?
Maybe I'm perishing from a lack of vision. I don't see what good my life is doing for the Kingdom, or for that matter, why finishing my degree is going to help that. Part of me wants to do nothing. Part of me wants to do so much more. Yet, I'm stuck here. My life is in neutral, and I'm just drifting.
I have much to be thankful for, and I do thank God for those things. For friends, for family, for supplying my needs, and for saving me. I do though, need direction, need purpose, need a clear word from God on what to do with my life. I've heard it said, that God cares more about who you are than about what you do. I believe that, sure I do. So, I guess I'm just gonna take that attitude and flip burgers, and see what happens. God can work in the casseroles and the monotony of life, just as He can work through the drama, excitement, and tragedy of life. Why me God? I don't deserve this, not for a minute. Knowing that, I just want to lay in my own pathetic existence and not do a thing, for me, for your Kingdom, or for anyone else.
I do know, that You want me for some reason (guess that's why I'm still here). Anyway, I'm tired of not knowing, my patience has worn thin, and I'm still as pathetic as I ever was. Give me strength and direction Lord God, show me the next step to take, and help your servant to live moment by moment and step by step. Have mercy on me Lord, I'm a wicked sinner that can't save himself from his sins, his circumstances, or his own self-doubt and self-loathing. You are here though Lord, and here am I. You have my attention.
Now what?