She's the fruit of a forbidden passion. She's forbidden passion fruit.
This is a difficult revelation for me to share, but not because I fear lowering anybody's opinion of me. I firmly believe that honesty is the foundation of any relationship with anyone, except for those relationships based on a mutual deception but those are too tricky for me to grasp anyway. Anyway, this sort of thing just makes me sad I'm me.
I haven't quite narrowed it down yet whether it's that I'm attracted to women in control, or women I can't have. I found myself in Chinese class today, absolutely lost in love with my TA. Now, I'm sure this may be normal, but that's like an elementary school thing. We're in college now, where they have sexual harassment laws governing this sort of thing. Let me back up a bit.
I've been sort of mooning over her the entire semester. She is kinda cute. Then a couple weeks ago I saw my old Chinese TA. She was pretty cute too. In fact, the first picture I ever took on my new fancy cel phone was of her. We said "Hi," exchanged pleasantries, got to talking, and then she gave me her phone number and email address. During the course of conversation we were talking about traveling back and forth between China. She made a comment like "I'll probably be in China this summer, but if I had a boyfriend I'd stay here." I hope I'm not reading too much into it if that seems like a come-on. The conversation ended, and I haven't seen her since. Her number sits in my cel phone, and every now and then I'll have the urge to call or write, but then I try to dissuade myself. I don't want to lead her on or anything. I have trouble sorting out whether it's me being attracted to her because she's attracted to me, or for actual, genuine reasons. I mean, it'd be okay if we tried something 'cause she's not in control of my grade anymore.
Now I find myself attracted to this new Chinese TA, because she's adorable. Not just looks, though. Appearance-wise, they're about equal I'd say. It's her whole persona. The way she laughs when she's embarrased, her accent, the cute way she still mispronounces things in english, her dress style. I find now, that these things are what attracted me to my old TA. Maybe I just like Chinese girls. That would totally make sense.
So, does the fact that I recognize these infatuations for what they are save me from hell, or am I truly an asshole of the highest caliber?
I haven't quite narrowed it down yet whether it's that I'm attracted to women in control, or women I can't have. I found myself in Chinese class today, absolutely lost in love with my TA. Now, I'm sure this may be normal, but that's like an elementary school thing. We're in college now, where they have sexual harassment laws governing this sort of thing. Let me back up a bit.
I've been sort of mooning over her the entire semester. She is kinda cute. Then a couple weeks ago I saw my old Chinese TA. She was pretty cute too. In fact, the first picture I ever took on my new fancy cel phone was of her. We said "Hi," exchanged pleasantries, got to talking, and then she gave me her phone number and email address. During the course of conversation we were talking about traveling back and forth between China. She made a comment like "I'll probably be in China this summer, but if I had a boyfriend I'd stay here." I hope I'm not reading too much into it if that seems like a come-on. The conversation ended, and I haven't seen her since. Her number sits in my cel phone, and every now and then I'll have the urge to call or write, but then I try to dissuade myself. I don't want to lead her on or anything. I have trouble sorting out whether it's me being attracted to her because she's attracted to me, or for actual, genuine reasons. I mean, it'd be okay if we tried something 'cause she's not in control of my grade anymore.
Now I find myself attracted to this new Chinese TA, because she's adorable. Not just looks, though. Appearance-wise, they're about equal I'd say. It's her whole persona. The way she laughs when she's embarrased, her accent, the cute way she still mispronounces things in english, her dress style. I find now, that these things are what attracted me to my old TA. Maybe I just like Chinese girls. That would totally make sense.
So, does the fact that I recognize these infatuations for what they are save me from hell, or am I truly an asshole of the highest caliber?