a rainy sort of day
living in Indiana for the vast majority of my life, i never realized that states besides florida and south carolina ever saw the effects of hurricanes. well apparently land-locked tennessee is an effected area. good ol' frances has been pouring all day today. and i don't mean 35 minutes of pouring followed by on-and-off spitting the rest of the day. i mean constant dumping of water for approximately 6 hours. luckily, we don't get the wind or anything, since we're far enough away from where the storm originated. but all the sidewalks are like streams, and the grass is like a gigantic, campus-wide swamp. it's now 5 in the evening and the sun is poking out, and it's very exciting. after venturing out into the w-e-t wet for brunch, i spent the rest of the day curled up on my bed under a blanket reading and/or procrastinating online (ce que je fait maintenant). i successfully completed 140 pages of english reading, but i have yet to begin my response, chemistry paper (yes, in MY chem class we research and write essays instead of doing math problems), or french poetry assignment (but i kinda know what i'm gonna do), nor have i practiced. the emily of senior year has returned. *scary music* actually, i really haven't been that bad. so ya'll should be proud.
maybe it's the rain, or finishing the part of my book where the mother of 3 little girls dies, or reading lj entries from my girls, but i'm in need of hugs. not hugs from the people here, who i am trying unsuccessfully to become great friends with but who are still maintaining their "imposter" status. and not hugs from nick, even though those are nice. and not hugs from my family, though i'd love to be at home right now. i want my girls, damnit. i want them right now. i miss them so much. there's just nothing like lifelong friendships. i realize that i confide in this stupid computer screen because it's my form of communication with the ladies who mean the most to me. i don't just miss my girls because i'm feeling lonely and in need of hugs. i want to give holly the most gigantic hug in the entire world. and i want to give sarah a pat on the head for an extremely accurate description of my feelings on the alcohol issue (don't even get me started). and if anyone has ever needed movie night and donatos pizza and some ice cream and her girls, it sounds like chelsea does. but here i am in tenne-freakin-see, and i feel completely useless. awesome friendships go 2 ways. just like a feel like a need some lovin from my girls, it's my responsibility to take care of them too. just by hanging out with each other, we'd all feel better. but we just can't. and that breaks my heart.
on a different note, friday i went to see Kill Bill volumes 1 AND 2 with nick and a girl from my hall named Tinsae (she's awesome). if i hadn't gotten free tickets from nick's RA (the movies were at vandy's little theater), i certainly wouldn't have gone, because i hate action movies, i hate violence, and i hate blood and guts. but for some reason i really liked both movies. which amused me, since nick didn't like them at all. then when i got back to my building, generally pretty peaceful, a bunch of people were standing out in the hall outside my room, more drunk than i ever could've imagined was physically possible. apparently they got written up, which is their own fault, since they had a nice big bottle of 190 proof (that's 95% pure alcohol, by the way) which they were drinking directly out of in the middle of a "substance free" dorm. um, duh. but later that night, one of the girls was passed out on the floor in the fetal position with a blanket that her "friends" had thoughtfully left her with. the hall and bathroom were also covered with dirty towels, likely covered with vomit, and delightfully wet pants. not to mention squished muffins, though i don't know how they got involved. and i was so frustrated and sad and angry all at the same time. it's their own damn fault that they all screwed themselves, and they also trashed the place where i live. but on the other hand, they're humans, and i so wanted to sit next to that girl and rub her back or something until she woke up, just like i would want my friends to do if i ever decided to be a freaking idiot. and yet i felt like there really wasn't anything i could do. because no matter what, all of them were just going to wake up the next afternoon, clean themselves up, and go out and party all night again. in conclusion: sarah, i feel ya!
last night, however, i played scrabble with Megan and Kristina from my hall, and then we took turns reading kids books outloud and showing the pictures and everything. but i still had to admit to myself, that i was just trying to have an awesome time with my girlfriends like i used to at home. and it's just not the same. it's quite frustrating.
i promise i'm not as depressed as this entry makes me sound, i'm just kinda thinking. plus, i got letters from mandy AND chels this week, so my excitement from that has yet to wear off.
maybe it's the rain, or finishing the part of my book where the mother of 3 little girls dies, or reading lj entries from my girls, but i'm in need of hugs. not hugs from the people here, who i am trying unsuccessfully to become great friends with but who are still maintaining their "imposter" status. and not hugs from nick, even though those are nice. and not hugs from my family, though i'd love to be at home right now. i want my girls, damnit. i want them right now. i miss them so much. there's just nothing like lifelong friendships. i realize that i confide in this stupid computer screen because it's my form of communication with the ladies who mean the most to me. i don't just miss my girls because i'm feeling lonely and in need of hugs. i want to give holly the most gigantic hug in the entire world. and i want to give sarah a pat on the head for an extremely accurate description of my feelings on the alcohol issue (don't even get me started). and if anyone has ever needed movie night and donatos pizza and some ice cream and her girls, it sounds like chelsea does. but here i am in tenne-freakin-see, and i feel completely useless. awesome friendships go 2 ways. just like a feel like a need some lovin from my girls, it's my responsibility to take care of them too. just by hanging out with each other, we'd all feel better. but we just can't. and that breaks my heart.
on a different note, friday i went to see Kill Bill volumes 1 AND 2 with nick and a girl from my hall named Tinsae (she's awesome). if i hadn't gotten free tickets from nick's RA (the movies were at vandy's little theater), i certainly wouldn't have gone, because i hate action movies, i hate violence, and i hate blood and guts. but for some reason i really liked both movies. which amused me, since nick didn't like them at all. then when i got back to my building, generally pretty peaceful, a bunch of people were standing out in the hall outside my room, more drunk than i ever could've imagined was physically possible. apparently they got written up, which is their own fault, since they had a nice big bottle of 190 proof (that's 95% pure alcohol, by the way) which they were drinking directly out of in the middle of a "substance free" dorm. um, duh. but later that night, one of the girls was passed out on the floor in the fetal position with a blanket that her "friends" had thoughtfully left her with. the hall and bathroom were also covered with dirty towels, likely covered with vomit, and delightfully wet pants. not to mention squished muffins, though i don't know how they got involved. and i was so frustrated and sad and angry all at the same time. it's their own damn fault that they all screwed themselves, and they also trashed the place where i live. but on the other hand, they're humans, and i so wanted to sit next to that girl and rub her back or something until she woke up, just like i would want my friends to do if i ever decided to be a freaking idiot. and yet i felt like there really wasn't anything i could do. because no matter what, all of them were just going to wake up the next afternoon, clean themselves up, and go out and party all night again. in conclusion: sarah, i feel ya!
last night, however, i played scrabble with Megan and Kristina from my hall, and then we took turns reading kids books outloud and showing the pictures and everything. but i still had to admit to myself, that i was just trying to have an awesome time with my girlfriends like i used to at home. and it's just not the same. it's quite frustrating.
i promise i'm not as depressed as this entry makes me sound, i'm just kinda thinking. plus, i got letters from mandy AND chels this week, so my excitement from that has yet to wear off.