Apologies again...
Well, heres the continuing saga of my father and I. I prayed a lot about the last emails, and I feel God has spoken to me and given me the strength to forgive him for all thats led up to this and all he said. His letter first, followed by mine.
"Buchheit, Wayne P. wrote:
Poor Baby,
Did I disturb your slumbers Saturday afternoon? You poor thing! Working a part time job with Ms. Sarah and running barefoot through those titties just wears you out. You need more money to get out of debt? Son, I did not put you in debt and I will not get you out. You made the choices and you enjoyed the benefits from spending that money yourself. You do not have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. If you are in debt, you get a job. If you are still in debt, you get a second job or even a third. I seem to remember that you presented an argument to me in the past that only fully independent adults can work 60 hours per week. A self serving argument that is dubious in its validity at best! Was there anything wrong with the advice that I gave you earlier this summer to work your ass off and squirrel away money? Explain to me again why you could not even work 40 hours each week during this summer. If you had of worked your ass off to earn money, would you be where you are today?
Your anger is natural. A three year old pitches a tantrum when his Daddy tells him no, too. Since the divorce, you have consistently hidden behind your mother’s skirts to avoid the discipline that I felt that you needed. You got angry at me years ago when I told you to put away childish things and make a real adult plan to get control of your life. You are still getting angry and you still do not have a real plan although you think that you have control. Now as before you hide behind a blustering pissed off disrespectful tirade. The free ride IS over and you are still attempting to play me for a fool. Your blustering disrespect and hateful attitude will not change my mind. It only solidifies my will. You accuse me of only recently becoming a concerned parent. It was not me that refused to come over when I was attempting to ground you for poor academic performance in high school. Have I not talked with you several times before about a major with a little more scientific bent because that is where the money is for more people in the real world? What are thinking that you will gain from insulting me and being disrespectful? Will you manipulate me into guilt and I will beg forgiveness for daring to confront you? How much money do I have to give you to satisfy you and earn your respect?
I want and deserve something for my money. The money that I was giving you represented the compensation that I received from my best efforts to produce for my employer. I was working 24 real hours each month to earn that money to give you. I want serious academic effort for my money and I want a degree program that will prepare you to feed your family. Of all the things that your email did say it did not put forth a single argument of how you are entitled to bank rolling to the life style that you have become accustomed or how you are not pitching a fit to be a moocher. Make an argument to me about how you DESERVE something because of your diligence and hard work. Explain to me how it is none of my business what degree path you would choose to fund with my money. Explain to me why you are too good to mow my damn lawn. Get past the anger and put your big girl panties on. Don’t just curse and insult me. Be a man. Make a real argument!
You are right on one account. I knew that you would act like this and dreaded giving you the news or talking with you about it. I have been gutless in enforcing what I feel is right and in your best interests. I have not enforced academic performance. Now I am. I did not enforce a degree course that would prepare you to be independent. Now I am. You are in error that I hate you. I love you, Michael. Even though it is extremely dramatic and incredibly offensive to ask how long I have been smiling like a damn idiot and hating you the whole while, it is just not true. Maybe I should have just chewed your punk ass out and solidly put you down instead of attempting to build you up and be faithful. But I guess that I failed you by making your short adult life too easy. You will be held accountable for the words that you say and the actions that you take. It may not be by my hand, but you will reap the seeds that you are now sowing. So if you will not change your path in life for money, what will you change it for? Cutting off your nose to spite your face will gain you little. It does not matter to you who is (if anyone is) correct in this matter. You do what you want!
I told you what to do to enroll me in a plan to get your wisdom teeth extracted. You choose to not do what I asked. Who’s advice to go straight to the oral surgeon did you take on the matter? Your grandmother’s?
I guess that your mother and grandmother can be happy now. They have worked for years to fill your mind with shit about how your father is bad in order to destroy our relationship. They manipulate(d) you by deception and distraction. I am telling you straight forward what I want and making an offer to you adult to adult. Take it or leave it. Make a counter offer. But don’t make a fool of yourself by throwing another tantrum and being hateful to me. Get over it.
Is it so intolerable that I would aspire to change your academic pursuit and require good grades? Am I working to destroy you? Consider a paradigm shift. Why should I care more about your future than you do?
Is it manipulative that I refuse to fund your fuck off attitude and lifestyle? You judge me for not generously pouring out the funds? Get off of your ass and earn the adult privilege of having authority over your life because you have taken on the responsibility. Grow up.
You can choose to refuse to change your course. You are the one deciding to have no relationship with me. Our relationship is a free will thing. I am here and will continue to be here like I have always been.
I can still say,
Love, Your Dad.
And despite the fact that he here forgets that its not about the money, he tried to make it the main point again. So, "Anonymous" Here's my second "vehement blast of anger" in your opinion, which by the way, isn't worth shit, as you'll learn in college.
Dear Dad,
" Don’t just curse and insult me. Be a man. Make a real argument!"
Well, you certainly responded in kind to my insults in the last email. But don't try and act like the bigger person and call for a "real argument" when you just insult me back. Tit for tat is fine, but playing tit for tat and saying that you want me to stop, is not mature.
Dad, you're going to have to accept that you have no real authority over me anymore. You are talking to your son, but your son is 18 now, and under the law in America, YOUR EQUAL.
You missed my point entirely from the last email. In this email, you again hammered at the old issue of money. I told you in the last email, IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE MONEY. My angry reaction is NOT to your decision to pull the money carpet out from under me. Its YOUR money. Do what you want with it.
What I was upset about, was your attack on my character and your insinuations about my girlfriend. You claimed I was using you for a free ride. You can't say that when I say "I don't want your money".
Its not about the money, Dad.
So, I hope you get the idea, since I've said it about three times now.
ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.
So, lets talk about what I think the real issue is.
1. "Do not allow a screw up or fraudulent manipulation open you up to the possibility of illegitimate children."
2. "I figured that I was funding your carefree life style..."
3. "Remember years ago when we talked and I told you to take control of your own life, make a plan for independence, make good grades, get a good education, put away thinking like a child and make an adult plan?"
1. You made comments about an issue that is none of your business. Danielle's and my relationship is just that: OURS. What I do or do not choose to tell you, is all you can ever be privileged to know. So in other words, mind your own business Dad. If for some reason she were to leave me,or something unfortunate were to happen, I sure wouldn't come crying to YOU. I can think of at least five people that I'd go see to talk to before asking YOU for help with relationships!
Please don't be insulted by this comment, its a mere fact that you're no pro when it comes to managing and maintaining a good spousal relationship...
2. I TOLD YOU in the last email that I wasn't living a carefree lifestyle. Did you not read that? Did you just not care?
"You made the choices and you enjoyed the benefits from spending that money yourself."
Did I now? Oh sure. I enjoyed the hell out of paying for tuition and books and food to live on. Don't believe me? Want receipts for everything? Well Dad, you're just going to have to call me a liar straight up if you don't believe me. Thats the message I got. That you don't believe that I have been managing money responsibly. Well. Thanks for the vote of confidence Dad. You truly must think I'm incompetent. Oh wait, thats right. Lets quote some of your insults this time:
"Your anger is natural. A three year old pitches a tantrum when his Daddy tells him no, too."
What did you tell me "no" to? What did I ask you for, besides the money for oral surgery? I told you to keep your money. This was uncalled for.
"Explain to me why you are too good to mow my damn lawn. Get past the anger and put your big girl panties on."
Why am I too good to mow your damn lawn? Cause you pay Rachel 10$ to do the whole thing, but decided to take off 25$ a week against me for it. Again, whatever, money's not the issue. "Big girl panties"? What, do you think so little of me that you're sinking to elementary school insults? Get real, Dad. Have a little class. You mocking me and trying to put me down is a manipulation tactic, by trying to force me to view myself as lesser than you. I'm not buying it, Dad.
"The free ride IS over and you are still attempting to play me for a fool."
No, Dad. You've judged me again, and without any evidence. Its merely YOUR OPINION, which we BOTH know isn't worth shit to me. I don't care about your money. I NEVER used you for a free ride. I NEVER played you for a fool.
3. Your continuance to put down my choice for what I want to be when I "grow up" is very cruel of you. What I have wanted to do has changed, through the years, but at each step, I got the thumbs down from you. Why? Because you won't be satisfied untill I become a clone of you that goes and succeeds where you stumbled. You're trying to live again through me. And I'll have none of it. I can make my own way, doing what I want to for a living. I hate math. You KNOW that. Why then would I EVER choose a math or science oriented job? I'd hate it for the rest of my life. All I want is a job I can enjoy and make enough to get by on. Hell, if I got paid enough, I'd work a retail job for the rest of my life. Why? Because it wouldn't make me miserable. Your continued malice towards my individuality has pushed me farther and farther away.
Now, I'd like to say this to you:
I'm ok with you not giving me any monetary support anymore. My beef's not about that. What I AM upset about, is your insults to my character and my girlfriend. You were out of line to judge me, when you know so little about me. I'm not your stereotypical teenager. Its not about the money for me. If you'll apologise to me, either in written form or orally, for prejudging me and bringing Danielle up as a topic, I believe we can coexist peacefully. Why would you apologise? Here:
Dad, I'm sorry I went overboard in the last email. My insults and language were innapropriate. I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be, but thats just how it is.
Is that adequate? We've resolved a few issues now. Money is no longer an issue,and I apologised for my disprespect while communicating my point.
All thats left is your attack against me and Danielle. I've made my play, the balls in YOUR court now. To use your own words, "Be a man." don't run, don't hide, don't try and avert the issue. Write me back, when you've had time to consider your actions and can answer me civilly.
-Your son, who does still love you,
Michael Buchheit
Yeah, I know I went overboard in the last email, and I tried to be more civil and to the point in this email. Again, I'm sorry for stretching your friends page if you have me friended and have no interest in this. For those who take the time to read the whole thing, THEN comment, I appreciate your concern. ^_^
I hope that I can just get things back together soon...
-Much Love,
Buchheit, the Saint of Spades
"Buchheit, Wayne P. wrote:
Poor Baby,
Did I disturb your slumbers Saturday afternoon? You poor thing! Working a part time job with Ms. Sarah and running barefoot through those titties just wears you out. You need more money to get out of debt? Son, I did not put you in debt and I will not get you out. You made the choices and you enjoyed the benefits from spending that money yourself. You do not have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. If you are in debt, you get a job. If you are still in debt, you get a second job or even a third. I seem to remember that you presented an argument to me in the past that only fully independent adults can work 60 hours per week. A self serving argument that is dubious in its validity at best! Was there anything wrong with the advice that I gave you earlier this summer to work your ass off and squirrel away money? Explain to me again why you could not even work 40 hours each week during this summer. If you had of worked your ass off to earn money, would you be where you are today?
Your anger is natural. A three year old pitches a tantrum when his Daddy tells him no, too. Since the divorce, you have consistently hidden behind your mother’s skirts to avoid the discipline that I felt that you needed. You got angry at me years ago when I told you to put away childish things and make a real adult plan to get control of your life. You are still getting angry and you still do not have a real plan although you think that you have control. Now as before you hide behind a blustering pissed off disrespectful tirade. The free ride IS over and you are still attempting to play me for a fool. Your blustering disrespect and hateful attitude will not change my mind. It only solidifies my will. You accuse me of only recently becoming a concerned parent. It was not me that refused to come over when I was attempting to ground you for poor academic performance in high school. Have I not talked with you several times before about a major with a little more scientific bent because that is where the money is for more people in the real world? What are thinking that you will gain from insulting me and being disrespectful? Will you manipulate me into guilt and I will beg forgiveness for daring to confront you? How much money do I have to give you to satisfy you and earn your respect?
I want and deserve something for my money. The money that I was giving you represented the compensation that I received from my best efforts to produce for my employer. I was working 24 real hours each month to earn that money to give you. I want serious academic effort for my money and I want a degree program that will prepare you to feed your family. Of all the things that your email did say it did not put forth a single argument of how you are entitled to bank rolling to the life style that you have become accustomed or how you are not pitching a fit to be a moocher. Make an argument to me about how you DESERVE something because of your diligence and hard work. Explain to me how it is none of my business what degree path you would choose to fund with my money. Explain to me why you are too good to mow my damn lawn. Get past the anger and put your big girl panties on. Don’t just curse and insult me. Be a man. Make a real argument!
You are right on one account. I knew that you would act like this and dreaded giving you the news or talking with you about it. I have been gutless in enforcing what I feel is right and in your best interests. I have not enforced academic performance. Now I am. I did not enforce a degree course that would prepare you to be independent. Now I am. You are in error that I hate you. I love you, Michael. Even though it is extremely dramatic and incredibly offensive to ask how long I have been smiling like a damn idiot and hating you the whole while, it is just not true. Maybe I should have just chewed your punk ass out and solidly put you down instead of attempting to build you up and be faithful. But I guess that I failed you by making your short adult life too easy. You will be held accountable for the words that you say and the actions that you take. It may not be by my hand, but you will reap the seeds that you are now sowing. So if you will not change your path in life for money, what will you change it for? Cutting off your nose to spite your face will gain you little. It does not matter to you who is (if anyone is) correct in this matter. You do what you want!
I told you what to do to enroll me in a plan to get your wisdom teeth extracted. You choose to not do what I asked. Who’s advice to go straight to the oral surgeon did you take on the matter? Your grandmother’s?
I guess that your mother and grandmother can be happy now. They have worked for years to fill your mind with shit about how your father is bad in order to destroy our relationship. They manipulate(d) you by deception and distraction. I am telling you straight forward what I want and making an offer to you adult to adult. Take it or leave it. Make a counter offer. But don’t make a fool of yourself by throwing another tantrum and being hateful to me. Get over it.
Is it so intolerable that I would aspire to change your academic pursuit and require good grades? Am I working to destroy you? Consider a paradigm shift. Why should I care more about your future than you do?
Is it manipulative that I refuse to fund your fuck off attitude and lifestyle? You judge me for not generously pouring out the funds? Get off of your ass and earn the adult privilege of having authority over your life because you have taken on the responsibility. Grow up.
You can choose to refuse to change your course. You are the one deciding to have no relationship with me. Our relationship is a free will thing. I am here and will continue to be here like I have always been.
I can still say,
Love, Your Dad.
And despite the fact that he here forgets that its not about the money, he tried to make it the main point again. So, "Anonymous" Here's my second "vehement blast of anger" in your opinion, which by the way, isn't worth shit, as you'll learn in college.
Dear Dad,
" Don’t just curse and insult me. Be a man. Make a real argument!"
Well, you certainly responded in kind to my insults in the last email. But don't try and act like the bigger person and call for a "real argument" when you just insult me back. Tit for tat is fine, but playing tit for tat and saying that you want me to stop, is not mature.
Dad, you're going to have to accept that you have no real authority over me anymore. You are talking to your son, but your son is 18 now, and under the law in America, YOUR EQUAL.
You missed my point entirely from the last email. In this email, you again hammered at the old issue of money. I told you in the last email, IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE MONEY. My angry reaction is NOT to your decision to pull the money carpet out from under me. Its YOUR money. Do what you want with it.
What I was upset about, was your attack on my character and your insinuations about my girlfriend. You claimed I was using you for a free ride. You can't say that when I say "I don't want your money".
Its not about the money, Dad.
So, I hope you get the idea, since I've said it about three times now.
ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.
So, lets talk about what I think the real issue is.
1. "Do not allow a screw up or fraudulent manipulation open you up to the possibility of illegitimate children."
2. "I figured that I was funding your carefree life style..."
3. "Remember years ago when we talked and I told you to take control of your own life, make a plan for independence, make good grades, get a good education, put away thinking like a child and make an adult plan?"
1. You made comments about an issue that is none of your business. Danielle's and my relationship is just that: OURS. What I do or do not choose to tell you, is all you can ever be privileged to know. So in other words, mind your own business Dad. If for some reason she were to leave me,or something unfortunate were to happen, I sure wouldn't come crying to YOU. I can think of at least five people that I'd go see to talk to before asking YOU for help with relationships!
Please don't be insulted by this comment, its a mere fact that you're no pro when it comes to managing and maintaining a good spousal relationship...
2. I TOLD YOU in the last email that I wasn't living a carefree lifestyle. Did you not read that? Did you just not care?
"You made the choices and you enjoyed the benefits from spending that money yourself."
Did I now? Oh sure. I enjoyed the hell out of paying for tuition and books and food to live on. Don't believe me? Want receipts for everything? Well Dad, you're just going to have to call me a liar straight up if you don't believe me. Thats the message I got. That you don't believe that I have been managing money responsibly. Well. Thanks for the vote of confidence Dad. You truly must think I'm incompetent. Oh wait, thats right. Lets quote some of your insults this time:
"Your anger is natural. A three year old pitches a tantrum when his Daddy tells him no, too."
What did you tell me "no" to? What did I ask you for, besides the money for oral surgery? I told you to keep your money. This was uncalled for.
"Explain to me why you are too good to mow my damn lawn. Get past the anger and put your big girl panties on."
Why am I too good to mow your damn lawn? Cause you pay Rachel 10$ to do the whole thing, but decided to take off 25$ a week against me for it. Again, whatever, money's not the issue. "Big girl panties"? What, do you think so little of me that you're sinking to elementary school insults? Get real, Dad. Have a little class. You mocking me and trying to put me down is a manipulation tactic, by trying to force me to view myself as lesser than you. I'm not buying it, Dad.
"The free ride IS over and you are still attempting to play me for a fool."
No, Dad. You've judged me again, and without any evidence. Its merely YOUR OPINION, which we BOTH know isn't worth shit to me. I don't care about your money. I NEVER used you for a free ride. I NEVER played you for a fool.
3. Your continuance to put down my choice for what I want to be when I "grow up" is very cruel of you. What I have wanted to do has changed, through the years, but at each step, I got the thumbs down from you. Why? Because you won't be satisfied untill I become a clone of you that goes and succeeds where you stumbled. You're trying to live again through me. And I'll have none of it. I can make my own way, doing what I want to for a living. I hate math. You KNOW that. Why then would I EVER choose a math or science oriented job? I'd hate it for the rest of my life. All I want is a job I can enjoy and make enough to get by on. Hell, if I got paid enough, I'd work a retail job for the rest of my life. Why? Because it wouldn't make me miserable. Your continued malice towards my individuality has pushed me farther and farther away.
Now, I'd like to say this to you:
I'm ok with you not giving me any monetary support anymore. My beef's not about that. What I AM upset about, is your insults to my character and my girlfriend. You were out of line to judge me, when you know so little about me. I'm not your stereotypical teenager. Its not about the money for me. If you'll apologise to me, either in written form or orally, for prejudging me and bringing Danielle up as a topic, I believe we can coexist peacefully. Why would you apologise? Here:
Dad, I'm sorry I went overboard in the last email. My insults and language were innapropriate. I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be, but thats just how it is.
Is that adequate? We've resolved a few issues now. Money is no longer an issue,and I apologised for my disprespect while communicating my point.
All thats left is your attack against me and Danielle. I've made my play, the balls in YOUR court now. To use your own words, "Be a man." don't run, don't hide, don't try and avert the issue. Write me back, when you've had time to consider your actions and can answer me civilly.
-Your son, who does still love you,
Michael Buchheit
Yeah, I know I went overboard in the last email, and I tried to be more civil and to the point in this email. Again, I'm sorry for stretching your friends page if you have me friended and have no interest in this. For those who take the time to read the whole thing, THEN comment, I appreciate your concern. ^_^
I hope that I can just get things back together soon...
-Much Love,
Buchheit, the Saint of Spades