568: Acceptance.
I've been coming to accept the changes in my life...
the change of focus...
the change of relationships and alliances...
the change of pace...
It all really hit me last night. It was nothing more than a small run-in, a small moment, a small text message...it all hit me big. I'm not the same anymore, and I've been the catalyst for this change because I wanted this.
I've been asking more of myself these days, and have been asking more for myself as well. I've been more productive, surrounded myself with people that are more productive with myself, and have been doing more things to make myself a stronger person that will get myself where I want and need to be today, tomorrow, and the several many days to come.
Needless to say, I've been tipping the scales somewhat, and where I've decided to place the weight of importance, I've also compromised other things, other relationships, other things that I no longer focus on.
It weird to see karma rear its head toward me and stare me in the face...like when you'd passed up a prime opportunity to see a friend who doesn't live near you, and then you see that the lack of favor has been returned. Or when you're able to quantify all the times you've hid behind your busy life, and the curtain has been pulled out to expose that you've been hiding from a good friend of several years.
The thing is, I can't feel completely bad about it because ultimately, for me, all this change has been about me, and I've felt a need to be more selfish these days. It's all going to bite me in the ass, or knock me down every now and then, but I know that I'm striving for something more in my life, and that I'm on track for getting there.
I've come to accept the fact that I made a choice to be a selfish individual, despite the fact that I'd been accused in high school of being a too-selfish individual...however, considering the source (a best friend who slept with my, then, last ex-girlfriend and bragged about it everyday), maybe the accusation shouldn't hold as much weight.
All I know is that I'm doing the best that I can.
I am busy everyday. My life, right now, is my work.
My night life is my escape, my wind-down, my solace.
I haven't had a lot of positive influences throughout my life. I've had the tendacy to surround myself with negative people who would ultimately bring me down, and I've had the same tendacy to push away the better influences in my life. I think I've been able to turn that all around.
Still, it's a little shocking to see the consequences of positive change.
There's a balance to it all. The positive gain is earned with the negative consequences of another. My friendships are changing...but I'm changing them. My friendships aren't changing me, but they're helping me grow.
I've been more able to face the truth lately than I have been in the past.
Perhaps the consequential alienation has, and will, hurt people...but it's an opportunity for us to grow and find out things for ourselves, find out where we really stand in the world, and what we want from the world. Perhaps.
the change of focus...
the change of relationships and alliances...
the change of pace...
It all really hit me last night. It was nothing more than a small run-in, a small moment, a small text message...it all hit me big. I'm not the same anymore, and I've been the catalyst for this change because I wanted this.
I've been asking more of myself these days, and have been asking more for myself as well. I've been more productive, surrounded myself with people that are more productive with myself, and have been doing more things to make myself a stronger person that will get myself where I want and need to be today, tomorrow, and the several many days to come.
Needless to say, I've been tipping the scales somewhat, and where I've decided to place the weight of importance, I've also compromised other things, other relationships, other things that I no longer focus on.
It weird to see karma rear its head toward me and stare me in the face...like when you'd passed up a prime opportunity to see a friend who doesn't live near you, and then you see that the lack of favor has been returned. Or when you're able to quantify all the times you've hid behind your busy life, and the curtain has been pulled out to expose that you've been hiding from a good friend of several years.
The thing is, I can't feel completely bad about it because ultimately, for me, all this change has been about me, and I've felt a need to be more selfish these days. It's all going to bite me in the ass, or knock me down every now and then, but I know that I'm striving for something more in my life, and that I'm on track for getting there.
I've come to accept the fact that I made a choice to be a selfish individual, despite the fact that I'd been accused in high school of being a too-selfish individual...however, considering the source (a best friend who slept with my, then, last ex-girlfriend and bragged about it everyday), maybe the accusation shouldn't hold as much weight.
All I know is that I'm doing the best that I can.
I am busy everyday. My life, right now, is my work.
My night life is my escape, my wind-down, my solace.
I haven't had a lot of positive influences throughout my life. I've had the tendacy to surround myself with negative people who would ultimately bring me down, and I've had the same tendacy to push away the better influences in my life. I think I've been able to turn that all around.
Still, it's a little shocking to see the consequences of positive change.
There's a balance to it all. The positive gain is earned with the negative consequences of another. My friendships are changing...but I'm changing them. My friendships aren't changing me, but they're helping me grow.
I've been more able to face the truth lately than I have been in the past.
Perhaps the consequential alienation has, and will, hurt people...but it's an opportunity for us to grow and find out things for ourselves, find out where we really stand in the world, and what we want from the world. Perhaps.