550: NYE '06: i feel in need of a change...
i've had a stellar week thus-far:
partied hard at the gnar...no mr. emo.
turned up my pimp-game the next night.
made $300+ in tips at a wedding, and another $100 is on the way for just showing up.
however...i've had something of an awakening in the process.
while hanging out with awesome people in the process, something really chimed in my mind as far as my "fickle-friend" situation goes...my fickle friends aren't worth my time or thoughts. i've grown tired of the selfish ones, the ones who just see me as a novelty friend, and the ones who don't come through or have ceased to come through for me.
it has probably been through my talks with stephanie about my brittle friendships that i've come to this conclusion, and the nights out with people that are actually taking an active stance to look after me, the ones who listen, the ones who i listen to, that i've realized that there's something more out there for me...that i don't have to feel like i'm taken advantage of all the time.
the weird thing is that, on most occasions, in terms of hanging out with fickle friends and hanging out in public by myself, i've had a lot of really good times just being alone, rather than the ones who continue to disappoint and/or embarrass me. i hate to say it, but, it's like some of my old friends have been holding me back from growing up. it's an odd revelation.
it's strange, because i've been distancing myself from some people lately...and taking my own interests into consideration for once, just because i'm tired of bending at everyone else's will. i'm tired of feeling old, or feeling like i have to be drunk to be accepted, and just not being respected by people.
it's weird to see people that i call friends disappear or turn their backs on me because of some sort of happenstance: getting into a relationship, getting into positions of power, or me not being the person they want me to be all of a sudden. the fact is, i don't have to be anything but me, and there are people that accept that, and people that don't...and there are people that see me, but me several years ago, and are unable to notice that i've grown up, and want to grow more.
i've spent a good portion of the past several years just taking people at face value...and that works sometimes...but, in the long run, there's a time when you've gotta start taking people for who they really are, and maybe some friendships start breaking down because of that, and maybe those friendships aren't worth maintaining or persuing...
in the haze of a handful of really awesome nights, i've gotta say, there is some clarity to be gained as a result...this is my clarity.
hello new friends.
goodbye fickle ones.
hello again good friends.
i'll be seeing you soon lost ones.
partied hard at the gnar...no mr. emo.
turned up my pimp-game the next night.
made $300+ in tips at a wedding, and another $100 is on the way for just showing up.
however...i've had something of an awakening in the process.
while hanging out with awesome people in the process, something really chimed in my mind as far as my "fickle-friend" situation goes...my fickle friends aren't worth my time or thoughts. i've grown tired of the selfish ones, the ones who just see me as a novelty friend, and the ones who don't come through or have ceased to come through for me.
it has probably been through my talks with stephanie about my brittle friendships that i've come to this conclusion, and the nights out with people that are actually taking an active stance to look after me, the ones who listen, the ones who i listen to, that i've realized that there's something more out there for me...that i don't have to feel like i'm taken advantage of all the time.
the weird thing is that, on most occasions, in terms of hanging out with fickle friends and hanging out in public by myself, i've had a lot of really good times just being alone, rather than the ones who continue to disappoint and/or embarrass me. i hate to say it, but, it's like some of my old friends have been holding me back from growing up. it's an odd revelation.
it's strange, because i've been distancing myself from some people lately...and taking my own interests into consideration for once, just because i'm tired of bending at everyone else's will. i'm tired of feeling old, or feeling like i have to be drunk to be accepted, and just not being respected by people.
it's weird to see people that i call friends disappear or turn their backs on me because of some sort of happenstance: getting into a relationship, getting into positions of power, or me not being the person they want me to be all of a sudden. the fact is, i don't have to be anything but me, and there are people that accept that, and people that don't...and there are people that see me, but me several years ago, and are unable to notice that i've grown up, and want to grow more.
i've spent a good portion of the past several years just taking people at face value...and that works sometimes...but, in the long run, there's a time when you've gotta start taking people for who they really are, and maybe some friendships start breaking down because of that, and maybe those friendships aren't worth maintaining or persuing...
in the haze of a handful of really awesome nights, i've gotta say, there is some clarity to be gained as a result...this is my clarity.
hello new friends.
goodbye fickle ones.
hello again good friends.
i'll be seeing you soon lost ones.