So this just happened
I have become COMPLETELY OBSESSED with Once Upon A Time from literally every angle. Every character, every relationship, love it. But my Masters thesis draft is due in one week, so this new obsession couldn't have come at a worse time. Now, I'm no stranger to procrastinatory love affairs with random telly shows the night before an essay is due. Like that time I bought season two of CSI:NY on a whim and SUDDENLY HAD NO OTHER LOVE IN THE WORLD. But this is different. The mark I get for this thesis basically decides my academic (or otherwise) future. Le stress, right?
So I did something big. Something huge, for a fangirl. I handed over my beloved hard drive (nicknamed The Blackbird, a la stealth ship named in honour of Laura Roslin) to my girlfriend, with all of its delicious televisual contents. And asked her to hide it from me. Which she did. It happened so quickly. One second I was contemplating how my attempt to use the show as a carrot on a stick was failing due to my inability to stop watching once I started. The next thing I knew, I'd ripped the portable hard drive out of the PS3 and shoved it into her hands.
That was last night, so I've now gone 24 hours without watching an episode. I'm surviving, but it hasn't been easy. The next episode I was due to watch (1x18) is the one where we get Regina's backstory. Basically the episode I've been most excited about. Which only makes it harder. The anticipation is keeeeeling me.
The side effects of quitting Once Upon A Time cold turkey have been unusual, but not unexpected. My brain, which was marinating in sweet, sweet narrative, is suddenly bereft. I find it seeking out narrative everywhere. Take tonight for example. I was explaining to my girlfriend how badly I missed watching the show, and enjoying the narrative ride, as it enables me to escape from my own thesis drudgery. She offered that there were in fact still many avenues down which I could pursue my narrative hit - such as watching ordinary television. (Let me just preface that Australian programming puts the "ordinary" into ordinary television). At my debbie downer expression, she then proclaimed that she would tell me a story, immediately followed by an expression that screamed "Wait, did I just say that?". My girlfriend, ladies and gentleladies, is a fangirl of the "non" fiction variety. Narrative is not her style, so her offer was all the more charming for its rarity.
And here is her story:
"There was once a, um, a dinosaur... nun." (I'd like to point out that there were nuns on our telly at the time and dinosaurs are pretty much my favourite thing ever)
And, as evidence of my narrative-starved brain, this basically set my mind on fire.
"Wait what, a Nun Dinosaur?! Tell me more? Does she have an adventurous spirit? I bet she daydreams about what lies beyond her convent walls, and the other nun dinosaurs all laugh at her. What if the nun dinosaurs pray to a god that does not want them, because he only wants creatures that reflect his image? But then one day this goddess comes along and hears the prayers of the nun dinosaurs, and backhands the god that has ignored them. Then she fashions a harness out of the sun and clouds and rides the spirited nun dinosaur over the walls and into a life of adventure! Is that pretty much what happens?"
My poor, poor girlfriend. That was the end of the story, and I was marched back to the study to keep, well, studying.
So, well, I guess the moral of the story is, that even from beyond the grave (I assume she took my hard drive and BURIED IT), Once Upon A Time is still ruining my academic life, because here I am still procrastinating over it. Do you think if I explain to her that I'm doomed either way, she'll hand it back?
Probably not. She won't stop until I've kicked the habit (and not the nun dinosaur variety, ahaaaaaaaa).
Send help.
Xx