Bender and sick as hell.

[saint811]

Well where should I start??? I have had a relapse of sorts for about a month now. I have spent about 3500 on nothing but dope alone.. Now that I look back on my stupidy.. I was close to the brink of loosing my santiy .. Honestly, I need to relocate, yes I know it wont totally solve the problem but I think a new life in a new place with a new person by myside will be a step in the right direction. I have been going though withdrawl for the last fews days and I am sick so fucking sick. Yet its my own doing. but putting down the dope was the biggest step in the right direction. I just need someone to prod me in the ass and keep me on the right path... So lauren you have a right to cuss me.. and taunt me... I needed it but didnt listen.. I guess the words from a three year old struck home.. rather quickly.. * Scottie YOu look really sick* Can I help you* I broke down and started crying.. I mean I dont guess i look that bad.. but I am not healthy .. I eat like every four days.. . I am now down. to 177 instead of the 198 i was eariler this month.. So i guess the key to loosing weight is not too Eat. LOL .. I have considered going to a Methadone clinic but thats really just trading one drug for another.. U have done that my whole Life.. Its time to pull my head out of my ass and make a better start.. Its just so fucking Hard.. Maybe I need to be locked back up away from anyone that Cares..about me.. cause i know I am hurting them. More and More.. well i have said enough...

I am gonna lay down for a bit. I havent slept in five days.. toodles.