just back off.

[saint811]

Well, honestly I have been on a two week bender. I regret it then again i dont. Everyone thinks I am this big bad ole recovering addict. well that might be part of me but goddamnit thats not all i am about. I think i am a decent guy, fuck i do the small shit respect women and even fucking help little old ladys. Like it fucking matters anymore. I've tried to be an asshole its just not really in me to be one. Unless I get pissed then i just really dont give a fuck about anything. It seems that i have pretty much let a bunch of people down when i had my little bender. Not like they really understand what addiction really is any damn way. Its not fucking easy any true addict will tell you then same. No not someone thats been on a drug for a couple of months. maybe a year.. That person would just be a rectional user in my eyes. Try 8 going on 9 years of this same ole bullshit. Yeah the drug might change but the outcome is always the same.. Broke with no ambition in life. Am i suppose to have goals? and why if I know that i will just loose them again ? why should i get my own house again why shold i try to fall in love? why should i even care about another when its just destin to be taken away or I be taken from it/them? Some of you can pretend you care and understand. Its a nice thought and thank you for trying what you knew how to do. Just face it I am a fuck up. thats trying to remove my head from my ass. All i ask from anyone is too except me for who i am and not who you think i am or you want me to be. I need someone man/woman doesn't matter to be around me every couple of days to reassure me that i can do this. Tell me everything is gonna be alright, I dont need a fix today. Yet, theres no one in that position to do so. I mean I have a friend or two but there users thereselves. and another goes to the Methadone clinic. I am not saying Methadone is bad and she understands, I just dunno . time for work i am gonna be late again FUCK .

toodles.

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