Everything Is Gonna Be Alright....really? is it? i hope so...
So..i need to vent again...life is pretty good so far except for my love/nonexistent social life.actually both of those are pretty non existent..but whatever...i just wish i hadnt moved too fast with guys in the past..because it created this void that i cant fill...i finally found someone who id definately want as a boyfriend because god..hes just amazing and i truly do love him...ive never said that about a guy or to a guy before..or even my parents..so yeah when i say it..it is a BIG deal..so yeah i told him and im almost positive it scared him away..kinda knew it would...but im stupid and i do stupid things so i told him...BIG MISTAKE...and then i realized..okay so nothings gonna happen between us so just move on..easy right? NOT AT FREAKIN ALL...do you even know how hard ive tried??? ive had sooo many hookups since him..and its never felt the same..ive had a couple bfs too..and that didnt do anything..i just basically led the guys on to think i really liked them when really i was drifting into this awful feeling..again...it even makes me wish that id never met him..or that i never talked to him after we hooked up to find out what an awesome guy he was...i just dont get it..whats the matter with me that guys only wanna fuck and chuck...seriously.. i was alright with it before...but now its just like..wow what the hell..why cant i get a bf...seems like evry1 else can get them and i just get meaningless hookup after hookup...its really getting quite old...i cant wait for college..i get to start over and people dont know how..well to be perfectly blunt..easy i am...im really sick of crying myself to sleep knowing that the person i love the most doesnt and will never feel the same...or even remotely close to it...maybe i need to set my standards lower? i dont know...i dont really have standards now that i think about it...up until this point ill..yeah have done..anyone pretty much..but he was different...there isnt anything about him i would change..well maybe one thing..but the packers are a good team regardless so i guess it doesnt matter too much...because theyve earned the respect and adoration of the fans...but anyways...yeah so that was my venting..and im glad i did this...and i think i might put this link in my pro jsut so maybe hell read it and KNOW for the last time how i really do love him but yes im going to try my hardest to move on..even though seemingly impossible up until this point....well im gonna go finish up the sox game...and were winning so thats a plus...and im listening to the doors..always good haha...well yeah im out folks...have a good one..and keep smiling :D