Mulling
When I moved to New Mexico I had a plan: Live modestly, work just enough to live modestly, finish book, start on next book, go fishing a lot. That was pretty much it and that's what was happening for about the first six months. Living off the grid in a tiny solar-powered cabin with jd was perfect. But then we moved to town and life got really friggin busy gotten. I hate that. It's probably more than just moving to town, a whole confluence of events have worked together so that the words, "I don't have time to..." pop out of my mouth almost daily.
A lot of it is work. My freelance load has probably tripled in the last year and even though I continue to turn jobs down, I still find myself working full days every day and usually giving up weekend hours. That's the work life I swore I'd leave behind when I moved from San Francisco. And the book. The book was going strong in November. I was half way through the first draft but then December came, NaNo ended, and I haven't touched the book in months because I just can't get to it. This bums me out more and more. I miss it. I've got four people in line asking me to teach them how to copywrite, saying they'll work for me, but I spend so much time doing admin crap already that the last thing I want to do is be responsible for employees. Ugh. After thinking it through, I did finally decide to teach jd some copywriting skills since she's naturally creative and a strong writer. I have no doubt she's got what it takes, afterall (as they say in the business) it's not brain surgery. Plus, it's easy because she lives with me. And it's a great tax write-off to have her working for me. But still, getting her up to speed is going to take awhile not to mention a major time investment. I'm hoping it will give me more time (and her more money) eventually.
Jd and I are actively looking for a little place out of town where we can have goats and let the dog run free. I want to build a little fenced area for the cats (they'll be eaten by coyote or owls if I don't). I want a rocking chair on the porch and I want to sit in it mornings with a mug of coffee and evenings with a bottle of beer. Moving out of Santa Fe will help me feel more grounded and happy. Not that I'm not happy. I feel deliriously grateful for my life as it is right now. Sometimes it feels like a dream, like it's impossible that I could actually be this blessed in love and health and friends and comforts. My challenge to find more time is both big and small. Big because getting the book done is so important to me, a serious life goal that I can't fail. On the other hand, it's small because it's not like being challenged to put food on the table or survive a life-threatening illness or kick or heroin.
I guess I'll figure out this struggle to prioritize work with everything else eventually. Balance is hard but it feels so good when you're able to do it, even if only for little while.
A lot of it is work. My freelance load has probably tripled in the last year and even though I continue to turn jobs down, I still find myself working full days every day and usually giving up weekend hours. That's the work life I swore I'd leave behind when I moved from San Francisco. And the book. The book was going strong in November. I was half way through the first draft but then December came, NaNo ended, and I haven't touched the book in months because I just can't get to it. This bums me out more and more. I miss it. I've got four people in line asking me to teach them how to copywrite, saying they'll work for me, but I spend so much time doing admin crap already that the last thing I want to do is be responsible for employees. Ugh. After thinking it through, I did finally decide to teach jd some copywriting skills since she's naturally creative and a strong writer. I have no doubt she's got what it takes, afterall (as they say in the business) it's not brain surgery. Plus, it's easy because she lives with me. And it's a great tax write-off to have her working for me. But still, getting her up to speed is going to take awhile not to mention a major time investment. I'm hoping it will give me more time (and her more money) eventually.
Jd and I are actively looking for a little place out of town where we can have goats and let the dog run free. I want to build a little fenced area for the cats (they'll be eaten by coyote or owls if I don't). I want a rocking chair on the porch and I want to sit in it mornings with a mug of coffee and evenings with a bottle of beer. Moving out of Santa Fe will help me feel more grounded and happy. Not that I'm not happy. I feel deliriously grateful for my life as it is right now. Sometimes it feels like a dream, like it's impossible that I could actually be this blessed in love and health and friends and comforts. My challenge to find more time is both big and small. Big because getting the book done is so important to me, a serious life goal that I can't fail. On the other hand, it's small because it's not like being challenged to put food on the table or survive a life-threatening illness or kick or heroin.
I guess I'll figure out this struggle to prioritize work with everything else eventually. Balance is hard but it feels so good when you're able to do it, even if only for little while.