its raining so hard outside and in.

[sailonquick]

That tree at the end of the block looks like it is about to be uprooted. I have felt the car I am in shake a good two times and its kinda scary....but still the rain is the best part of my day bye far. Its so easy to seeeee the beauty in the rain and ignore anything that its damaging....at least it is easier then listening to myu parents loud mouths.
Today my day said I hurt him unbelievably.Today my dad said I can't even begin to imagine what he feels and how bad I treat him. He obviously hasn't been really present the past 18 years... he obviosly hasn't seen me in my pain. He obviously didn't listen to me cry myself to sleep.
My mother will defend him to the ends of the earth. He offends her and she offends me. Its my fault.
How can a man soo social, amazing,and successful be so ignorant of his family.
I am gonna give up.
I am moving out august 1st and my relationship with my parents probably won't be better.
Sad.
Depressing.
Heartbreaking.
Totally reality.

Now I am outside of my doctors office. Fake smiles. Phrases something like" oh no dr. I am totally fineee".
Bogus=fake.

Sylvia plath.
"We shall by morning inherit the earth our foot is in the door"

Hopefully.