(no subject)
Man, its homecoming week. I honestly could care less, I really don’t know what I care for now. It feels like I’m losing track and it feels like I’m losing myself.
My confidence is at an all time low, I really don’t know why. I’m usually happy being an asshole jerk and feeding off of peoples weakness, but now I can’t…
Am I growing up? Maturing, something of that nature? I really don’t know what’s going on.
All I know is I feel extremely lonely, this loss in confidence is affecting everything in my life, I don’t really want to do anything, I just want to do… I don’t know what is going on.
I’m fairly sick with living in a fraternity, it’s just like things are getting old, and I’m tired of it. I need to meet knew people, I need a new crowd, a new set of friends something different, life is so mundane right now.
Oh well, at least I have my friends from high school. At least I don’t feel like I have to prove anything to them, because I mean I feel like they understand, there my best friends.
But college feels and is so different from high school; things are at a whole new level. Relationships, interactions, all of it.
I’m hiding all my feelings of loneliness and meeker confidence by constantly working out. I’m getting burnt out working out, but it’s my own safe zone. At least when I work out I zone out, I am no longer Visess the idiot, I’m Vicious the machine.
I haven’t been eating much, I’m losing a lot of weight, I don’t think it’s not healthy. Everything is making me stressed out; I’m at the point where if I’m told to do something, I will beat the crap out of the person whole told me to do stuff. I need to take out my frustration and prove to people I still got it. I don’t know, I need something to be my equilibrium, it just sucks.