love, actually
i confess i was smitten, maybe not knee-deep, but my ankles were damn well soaked. and i'm a sap, what can i say, very sentimental.
now i've regained most of my composure, and i feel like it's a bit of a tragedy, like something's lost. then again, this is how the world works, people have shit to do -priorities, and i shouldn't forget that.
i guess it's in part because of karma, how i am where i am. i usually am the one who plays damsel, afraid to get hurt (which, granted is still not a pleasant place to be), but i at least got to relish in the validation of being wanted. and now i'm forcing myself to be more vulnerable, much due to the encouragement of friends and that faint voice of consciousness the heart loves to ignore. i put my feelings out on the table and it probably is too soon to have a defeatest mentality, but i'm in the beginning stages of a relationship, that place where you don't know where you stand, how to label it, and what actions to take to set a perfect foundation to one's pairing. you're driven by craving.
karma is being on the other side of the fence. karma is wondering how my life would have been different if my mom chose to stay with my dad. these feelings are really striking me down, my left side of the brain is truly getting it's ass beat. and i suppose rightly so.
still. i want someone who says "i miss you too." i want someone who overshadows my first love in every way. this is so the wrong way of thinking (or so i am learning).
my mom was a little empathetic tonight when i saw her. she lovingly said "it doesn't work like that. you have to risk. you have to gamble. you have to just run with it, learn from it." i feel like it's a whole new language though this one is intrinsic to the human experience. all you have to do is let yourself mature. that sounds so much simpler than it ever could be.
and it just so happens that Until Today states that fear can manifest in it's natural state against love. i think for lent this year i'm going to give up fear. ha that probably isn't traditional, but whatevs, it's still for a greater purpose
tbc
now i've regained most of my composure, and i feel like it's a bit of a tragedy, like something's lost. then again, this is how the world works, people have shit to do -priorities, and i shouldn't forget that.
i guess it's in part because of karma, how i am where i am. i usually am the one who plays damsel, afraid to get hurt (which, granted is still not a pleasant place to be), but i at least got to relish in the validation of being wanted. and now i'm forcing myself to be more vulnerable, much due to the encouragement of friends and that faint voice of consciousness the heart loves to ignore. i put my feelings out on the table and it probably is too soon to have a defeatest mentality, but i'm in the beginning stages of a relationship, that place where you don't know where you stand, how to label it, and what actions to take to set a perfect foundation to one's pairing. you're driven by craving.
karma is being on the other side of the fence. karma is wondering how my life would have been different if my mom chose to stay with my dad. these feelings are really striking me down, my left side of the brain is truly getting it's ass beat. and i suppose rightly so.
still. i want someone who says "i miss you too." i want someone who overshadows my first love in every way. this is so the wrong way of thinking (or so i am learning).
my mom was a little empathetic tonight when i saw her. she lovingly said "it doesn't work like that. you have to risk. you have to gamble. you have to just run with it, learn from it." i feel like it's a whole new language though this one is intrinsic to the human experience. all you have to do is let yourself mature. that sounds so much simpler than it ever could be.
and it just so happens that Until Today states that fear can manifest in it's natural state against love. i think for lent this year i'm going to give up fear. ha that probably isn't traditional, but whatevs, it's still for a greater purpose
tbc