I need a hero in my life...
because, obviously, I'm incapable of taking care of myself. Why do you say that, you ask?
As usual, it's work related. It seems I just can't get my act together. The week brought another perfect storm of everything that could go wrong at work and my boss wrote me a long e-mail, not chewing me out or anything, but just an outline of "why don't we do this, and why don't we do this, and why...?" All perfectly good questions, but I keep running into situations where I find out my predecessor did these things that were never brought to my attention. You know, you can only learn your ABCs if someone teaches you A-B-C. If they say, here's A, run with it, well, all you can do is fail. Also, I've been there almost 2-1/2 years and now suddenly these things are an issue when they never were before?
At least I was able to say, yes, I spoke with my workgroup about that exact issue at our last meeting and I was planning to bring it up at the next all staff meeting, but you cancelled that. Neener. For once, she can't complain I'm not being proactive. I just wish to fuck's sake that if something was being done previously, I need to know so I can continue that practice!
So, I developed a few new documents to handle some of the problems we ran into and then added them to our office procedures manual. It turned out that a couple of the things she was concerned about weren't in there, even though she thought they were. She wrote the original document that I inherited when I got there, so she should know! However, I'm relatively sure I will hear about this at the end of the reporting period. Fuck it, I'm still looking for another job.
Speaking of another job, I took the state office exam so I can apply for jobs that aren't posted as permissive transfers on campus. This will open up jobs in other state agencies, even though I'd like to stay on campus. It used to be more advantageous to work for the university, because they matched your monthly pension contribution (5% to your 5%) where the rest of the state agencies didn't get a match. Of course, that ended when Walker became governor, plus our contribution increased to 6.89% (WTF, why that number?) Presumably to compensate for anticipated losses to the state pension fund due to the crash of 2008. Which, there weren't any long lasting effects (yes, it lost some money, but still had enough in it to pay everyone's pensions, including upcoming retirees without difficulty.) Wisconsin has one of the healthiest pension plans in the country and everyone tries to be like us. Fucking Walker.
Anyway, there's no reason at this point not to look for something somewhere else. We'll see what comes up. I've got to wait a couple more weeks for my exam scores, but with my veteran's preference, I'll max it out. I'll be checking the state job website periodically, but the nice thing about the state system is that your name goes on a list and every agency that asks for that list will get your name. The higher on the list your are by score, the more jobs you'll get offered interviews for. That's how I got my first job at the university. I'd got two interview offers the first week after I got my scores (100% baby.) I interviewed with one, but didn't get the offer on it until the day after I was offered, and accepted, the second one. I kind of wondered what would have happened if I'd taken that first one instead, taken a day to think it over. It was a position at the state capitol being a tour guide and educator. Same pay as the one I ended up with, but I'm not sure what the promotion opportunities would have been like. Eh, who knows. In some other universe...
Still working on my list of things to do from the anxiety work book. Let's review:
• Take the state office exam - complete 3/16
• Exercise 10 minutes daily - eeeeh, does doing it in my head count?
• Write 30 minutes daily (fiction or non-fiction) - not yet, but I think this is a little unrealistic, but I was full of enthusiasm when I made it
• Apply for 5 jobs (which is why I signed up for the state office exam--more options) - as soon as I get my score!
So, not as much accomplished as I'd like. I had an appointment with my shrink on Wednesday and I told her how depressed I'd been since my annual review in December. She was surprised, because the last time I'd seen her I said I was fine. Ahahaha. Guess she doesn't know that fine stands for Fucked Up Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. I told her I had no desire to do anything, I couldn't focus/concentrate on anything, nothing was fun and all my usual sinecures were totally unsatisfying. We're increasing my meds to see if that helps. I gotta admit, I already don't feel like crying as much, but that's about all. Hopefully, the motivation and concentration will reappear soon.
While it wasn't one of my written goals for the first four weeks (it's on my four month list - make new friends), one of the things I did was join a bunch of meet-up groups online. I signed up for one today, but when I got up I was coughing up gunk, so I decided not to go. It was for a spring walk of about five miles. Yeah, not with my lungs not cooperating. Also, social anxiety reared its ugly head, too. Can't say how much that affected my decision not to go; I really want to make new friends. But, I've joined six meet-up groups, so I hope to meet new people soon, one way or the other.
Lest you think my life is complete crap, let me reassure you! I had a great time last weekend when a friend from Chicago came up to Madison to celebrate his 50th birthday. His sister and sister-in-law live in Madison, so he was up to see them, and asked if I wanted to hang out and do stuff around town. The roommate is still off in California, so I offered her room for him to crash in. We had a good time. Friday, we watched TV with pizza. We both had quit watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. midway through the first season, so we spent the evening catching up with it. Saturday we did State St. so Tom could get some shopping done. I forced him to stop at the FroYo store with me and made him eat half my cup, not that I had to twist his arm or anything. Then we went to dinner with his sister's family, which was fun. Then, of course, back home to finish catching up with Agents. Between Friday and Saturday, we pretty much cleaned me out of booze. :D Sunday, Tom said he wanted to leave early, but then he stayed to watch the first couple episodes of season two. Hee. It was a great weekend, but I was really out of spoons by the time he left and I think it left me with a bit of a deficit for last week. It was worth it, though, to have really great company and conversation.
That's what's been going on. My life has its highs and its lows; keeping my fingers crossed I can get it more on the high side in the near future.
As usual, it's work related. It seems I just can't get my act together. The week brought another perfect storm of everything that could go wrong at work and my boss wrote me a long e-mail, not chewing me out or anything, but just an outline of "why don't we do this, and why don't we do this, and why...?" All perfectly good questions, but I keep running into situations where I find out my predecessor did these things that were never brought to my attention. You know, you can only learn your ABCs if someone teaches you A-B-C. If they say, here's A, run with it, well, all you can do is fail. Also, I've been there almost 2-1/2 years and now suddenly these things are an issue when they never were before?
At least I was able to say, yes, I spoke with my workgroup about that exact issue at our last meeting and I was planning to bring it up at the next all staff meeting, but you cancelled that. Neener. For once, she can't complain I'm not being proactive. I just wish to fuck's sake that if something was being done previously, I need to know so I can continue that practice!
So, I developed a few new documents to handle some of the problems we ran into and then added them to our office procedures manual. It turned out that a couple of the things she was concerned about weren't in there, even though she thought they were. She wrote the original document that I inherited when I got there, so she should know! However, I'm relatively sure I will hear about this at the end of the reporting period. Fuck it, I'm still looking for another job.
Speaking of another job, I took the state office exam so I can apply for jobs that aren't posted as permissive transfers on campus. This will open up jobs in other state agencies, even though I'd like to stay on campus. It used to be more advantageous to work for the university, because they matched your monthly pension contribution (5% to your 5%) where the rest of the state agencies didn't get a match. Of course, that ended when Walker became governor, plus our contribution increased to 6.89% (WTF, why that number?) Presumably to compensate for anticipated losses to the state pension fund due to the crash of 2008. Which, there weren't any long lasting effects (yes, it lost some money, but still had enough in it to pay everyone's pensions, including upcoming retirees without difficulty.) Wisconsin has one of the healthiest pension plans in the country and everyone tries to be like us. Fucking Walker.
Anyway, there's no reason at this point not to look for something somewhere else. We'll see what comes up. I've got to wait a couple more weeks for my exam scores, but with my veteran's preference, I'll max it out. I'll be checking the state job website periodically, but the nice thing about the state system is that your name goes on a list and every agency that asks for that list will get your name. The higher on the list your are by score, the more jobs you'll get offered interviews for. That's how I got my first job at the university. I'd got two interview offers the first week after I got my scores (100% baby.) I interviewed with one, but didn't get the offer on it until the day after I was offered, and accepted, the second one. I kind of wondered what would have happened if I'd taken that first one instead, taken a day to think it over. It was a position at the state capitol being a tour guide and educator. Same pay as the one I ended up with, but I'm not sure what the promotion opportunities would have been like. Eh, who knows. In some other universe...
Still working on my list of things to do from the anxiety work book. Let's review:
• Take the state office exam - complete 3/16
• Exercise 10 minutes daily - eeeeh, does doing it in my head count?
• Write 30 minutes daily (fiction or non-fiction) - not yet, but I think this is a little unrealistic, but I was full of enthusiasm when I made it
• Apply for 5 jobs (which is why I signed up for the state office exam--more options) - as soon as I get my score!
So, not as much accomplished as I'd like. I had an appointment with my shrink on Wednesday and I told her how depressed I'd been since my annual review in December. She was surprised, because the last time I'd seen her I said I was fine. Ahahaha. Guess she doesn't know that fine stands for Fucked Up Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. I told her I had no desire to do anything, I couldn't focus/concentrate on anything, nothing was fun and all my usual sinecures were totally unsatisfying. We're increasing my meds to see if that helps. I gotta admit, I already don't feel like crying as much, but that's about all. Hopefully, the motivation and concentration will reappear soon.
While it wasn't one of my written goals for the first four weeks (it's on my four month list - make new friends), one of the things I did was join a bunch of meet-up groups online. I signed up for one today, but when I got up I was coughing up gunk, so I decided not to go. It was for a spring walk of about five miles. Yeah, not with my lungs not cooperating. Also, social anxiety reared its ugly head, too. Can't say how much that affected my decision not to go; I really want to make new friends. But, I've joined six meet-up groups, so I hope to meet new people soon, one way or the other.
Lest you think my life is complete crap, let me reassure you! I had a great time last weekend when a friend from Chicago came up to Madison to celebrate his 50th birthday. His sister and sister-in-law live in Madison, so he was up to see them, and asked if I wanted to hang out and do stuff around town. The roommate is still off in California, so I offered her room for him to crash in. We had a good time. Friday, we watched TV with pizza. We both had quit watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. midway through the first season, so we spent the evening catching up with it. Saturday we did State St. so Tom could get some shopping done. I forced him to stop at the FroYo store with me and made him eat half my cup, not that I had to twist his arm or anything. Then we went to dinner with his sister's family, which was fun. Then, of course, back home to finish catching up with Agents. Between Friday and Saturday, we pretty much cleaned me out of booze. :D Sunday, Tom said he wanted to leave early, but then he stayed to watch the first couple episodes of season two. Hee. It was a great weekend, but I was really out of spoons by the time he left and I think it left me with a bit of a deficit for last week. It was worth it, though, to have really great company and conversation.
That's what's been going on. My life has its highs and its lows; keeping my fingers crossed I can get it more on the high side in the near future.