When Life is an Empty Room
Title: When Life is an Empty Room
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sho/Aiba
Disclaimer: I guess Johnny’s technically owns Arashi, huh? Not me.
Summary: "You don't know what you have until it's gone." Sho learns this lesson the hard way when Aiba is hospitalized.
Notes: For yukitsubute as a winner of my contest from last year. Sorry it took so long! Thanks to r_tenou for betaing.
Everyone is always telling Sho that he’s too busy, that he needs to take time for himself, get some rest. But Sho is one of those people that, even when he has time off, he needs to do something with it. For a while he tried to keep an easy schedule, but in the end, he finds it simpler to just throw himself into his job. It’s too much effort to schedule out his free days himself, since other people schedule his work much more efficiently.
Sho comes home at midnight to his empty apartment, half drunk from a dinner with staff for his next drama. It was fun and just the kind of thing Sho fully enjoys, and he’s brimming with happiness.
When his phone rings, he picks it up with a stupid smile on his face, and laughs as soon as he hears the Sho-chan? on the other end.
“Aibaaa,” he slurs back, and is rewarded with an airy chuckle. Sho collapses against the couch and flips on the TV, sitting in the dark as he talks on the phone.
“Are you home, Sho-chan?”
“Yep. Just got here,” he answers, eyes skimming the content on the screen of the useless shows airing this time of night (morning). None of it is news, so he gives up processing it.
“That’s good. How was your night?”
All Aiba is calling for is light talk, Sho realizes. Aiba is the kind to jump right into what he wants, and since he hasn’t mentioned anything, Sho knows to interpret that as simply wanting to chat. Aiba’s always been a social guy, Sho certainly knows that too, and he takes pride in the fact that Aiba relies on him in these moments.
As they talk about Aiba’s day and Sho’s upcoming work, Sho manages to get up off the couch and brush his teeth. He wants to take a shower, but he doesn’t want to hang up the phone, so he goes and lies on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as Aiba’s voice get subtly calmer, subtly slower. He talks Aiba into a gentle sleep, wishing him a good night and promising to see him in the morning.
+++
When Aiba comes in, he is all smiles and happy good morning!s. His hand brushes across Sho’s shoulders as he passes the table at which Sho is sitting, and promptly joins Leader on the couch, where he’s absorbed in his phone.
Sho smiles at them, but quickly goes back to his newspaper. He still has three to get through.
He’s done with his coffee and finished with half of his stack when Aiba calls out to him.
“Hey, how about it Sho-chan?”
He’s missed most of the conversation, so he turns to the two of them with questioning eyes.
“Going to the bar tonight?” Aiba clarifies with an amused look, and Sho shoots back an apologetic smile.
“I have a meeting for Zero tonight, sorry.”
“Of course,” Leader replies, and Sho doesn’t ignore the fact that the two of them are pressed flushly together despite the empty length of the couch on Aiba’s other side. “Sho-kun’s always busy.”
“Always too busy for us,” Aiba repeats playfully, and Sho simply brushes off the comments and shakes his head at them. He goes back to his newspaper just as Nino and Jun arrive from the earlier photo shoot.
+++
“Do you see marriage plans in your future?”
Sho can’t remember how many times he’s been asked this question or one similar, but it seems like in the last few months they’ve increased substantially. He smiles at the interviewer and repeats the same answer he always does.
“Of course. I’d like to get married someday, have a kid or two.”
Tension makes his stomach knot and this time he can’t add anything more interesting. He’s forgiven and they move on to the next question.
It’s funny. At these moments, Sho almost always thinks of Aiba.
+++
By the time he’s done with his News Zero meeting and back at home at some ridiculous hour of the morning, Aiba and Ohno have sent him a string of drunken messages, most of them emoticons of hearts or blurry pictures of them at the bar.
Sho looks through every one of them, heart jumping at the one message in the middle that might have been sober if not for the obvious evidence otherwise. I love Sho-chan so much, it reads, from Aiba.
Taking time to think of a reply and wondering if the two are even still awake at this point, Sho heats up the food he’s brought home with him, and then types back, I love you too.
Maybe someday he’ll say these words seriously. Or maybe someday the two of them will look back together and Sho will tell him, I loved you then, Aiba. Although, he doubts it will be strictly past tense.
Until that day, Sho will just keep busy and focused on work, which is much more important that unrequited love.
+++
A location shoot has Sho in Kyoto for five days, and Aiba calls him on the second to say how much he misses him.
“Even if I was in Tokyo, you had variety shooting today. We wouldn’t have seen each other anyway,” Sho laughs as he loosens his tie in his hotel room.
“Just the fact that you’re out of town makes a difference,” Aiba whines in a pouty voice, and Sho tries to hold back his amusement. “I want to come see you in Kyoto!”
“You are not coming all the way out here,” Sho tells him firmly, because if Aiba’s nutty plans are not shot down right away, they gain momentum until Sho can’t stop him at all.
“Why?” Aiba’s voice grows even more nasally. “Fine, but you have to promise to go to dinner with me right when you get back! No backing out! I don’t care if it’s three in the morning,” he finally chuckles at the end.
“Okay,” Sho concedes with a fake sigh.
“Promise?”
“Promise,” Sho says in a surer voice, catching his reflection in the mirror. For some reason, that blissful expression will always stick in his memory.
+++
Sho actually doesn’t fulfill his promise. When Aiba bugs him about it, they set a date, but at the last minute Sho’s work takes over and he can’t make it. They re-schedule, but it doesn’t work out either, and somehow the plans just fade away, left to be small talk fodder for the camera later on.
+++
Sho doesn’t realize Aiba is missing until Nino says something.
“Where is that idiot? He’s going to be late for costume changing.”
At the same time as Jun, Sho looks around their waiting room with a curious glance. The four of them are there, as well as some other staff and managers at another table a few feet away. Unconsciously Sho checks his phone, but there is no missed call or message from Aiba.
“I’ll call him,” Jun volunteers, and steps into the corner with his smartphone raised up to his ear.
There’s no answer, and when he turned to look at the rest of them, Jun’s eyes are big with worry.
“I’ll try his manager. They should be together,” Sho offers, and for reasons he can’t rationally explain, he is becoming very nervous. He pulls out his phone, same as Jun, and makes the call.
It rings several times before going to voice mail, and Sho panics.
Nino already sees the signs and holds his hands up to try and calm Sho down. “They’re probably stuck in traffic. In a tunnel,” he explains with a forced smile, standing at the same time that Sho does.
Another staff member breaks in, gently offering, “I’ll notify the director and filming crew,” and promptly leaves. This does nothing to calm Sho down, even if he appreciates the thought.
Satoshi knows what to do, though, and he stands up to come closer, gently touching Sho on the back and pushing him back into his seat. Satoshi sits down next to him without asking and takes Sho’s hand in his, sending waves of comfort through where their skin is touching.
Managing to take a breath, Sho doesn’t join the discussion of whether to go ahead and start getting changed without Aiba or not.
A minute later, the staff comes running back in out of breath.
“There’s been an accident. Aiba-san is being transported to the hospital now.”
Sho shoots out of his seat, dropping Ohno’s hand and sending his chair backwards.
“What accident?” Jun manages to get out, all of the people in the room in shock and listening with apt attention.
“I’m not sure-“ the staff starts, but behind her comes Sho’s manager with a grim face.
“Car accident, not our fault. The car they were riding in was hit by an out of control truck.”
“Condition?” Jun demands with a scary face, but Sho can’t process it, can’t process anything.
“Aiba-san is stable, but unconscious. His manager’s conscious, but his leg is broken.”
There is a thick silence, and suddenly Sho gets it.
“We’re going there,” he says in a quiet but dangerous voice.
“What?” Nino turns to him incredulously.
“Aiba’s not here. The filming is canceled. We’re free. We’re going to the hospital.”
“I agree,” Satoshi breaks in next to him, and Sho feels a bit relieved. They need to go now.
“I-“ Sho’s manager is stunned, and Sho is staring at him so hard the man looks even more nervous than he did when he walked in. That’s saying something. “I’ll take care of it,” he replies simply, shrugging as if he knows there’s no other option.
“I’ll drive them.” Jun’s manager is there too, his phone to his ear as if holding for the other end. “Let’s go.”
Sho is thankful, but worry soon takes over that emotion, and they all push out of the room together.
+++
Once they actually find where Aiba has been taken, they aren’t allowed to see him.
The doctor assures them that both patients are in stable condition and under the best care available. By the time the consultation is over, they’ve all run out of time, especially Sho who already has a tight schedule today.
They take ten minutes to hash things out between the members, leaving the harder work to the managers and staff. The first one to take off is Jun, who is already late for a magazine shoot. Sho should be next. He should have caught a ride with Jun, but he waits and ignores the fifth call from his manager.
Ohno is next, with filming for a special drama, and he takes Sho with him. Nino is left behind because his meeting is easily canceled, and he promises immediate updates as the situation changes.
Within himself Sho is disappointed. Aiba needs him, even if no one else may see that.
But work needs him too, and Sho lets Satoshi pull him out the glass doors of the hospital, wondering how long he’ll go before he breaks.
+++
Sho fumbles his way through the interview he’s supposed to be conducting, checking his phone every time the cameras stop rolling, even for a second. His manager makes an apology for him when the time is appropriate.
After the interview, they do an on-location shoot for the same corner. Sho reads the word prompt board emotionlessly, and causes them to retake the video three times. The director gives him a pep talk, telling him he knows how Sho is feeling.
How does he know, Sho thinks. He doesn’t know.
He tries to put Aiba out of his mind, but it doesn’t work. It’s better to think that, if he finishes this quickly he can go back to the hospital. Nino’s latest update says they’ve let him into the hospital room, but that he has to leave soon. Jun assures them he’s headed over there now to take over the watch.
Sho wishes it was himself, but he goes back to work.
+++
It’s three in the morning when Sho is finally able to return to the hospital. It’s after hours, but Sho’s not afraid to put his idol reputation to use, and the nurse there is a fan. She lets him in and even offers him a cup of tasteless coffee.
Satoshi is dozing off in the chair set up at the bedside, his head lolling to the side before jerking back into place.
Before waking him up, Sho looks Aiba over. His head is covered in bandages, and his skin is pale. There are bruises up and down his arms, and tubes connect him to two drips hanging on carts. There’s a breathing mask over his nose and mouth, and Sho touches his cheek lightly with shaking fingers.
“Masaki…” he chokes out, overwhelmed with the feeling of almost losing this man, and Satoshi startles awake, looking around with a dazed expression.
Somehow Sho composes himself, swallowing the lump in his throat, and gives Leader a grim smile.
“Sorry for waking you.”
“Sho-kun?” He rubs his eyes like a little boy and takes a big yawn.
According to his message, Satoshi’s been here since ten and more than fulfilled his duty.
“You should go home,” Sho tells him gently, walking around the foot of the bed. “You need some rest. I’ll stay here.”
“Tell us if he wakes up,” Leader makes him promise, and Sho nods, holding out his hand to balance a wobbly Satoshi when he stands.
“I will.”
“If you need anything, ask for Mie,” Leader adds, then lowers his voice to explain, “She’s a big fan. She brought me donuts.”
Sho manages an amused smile and pats Leader on the back as he turns to go.
“Thank you,” he says, for so many reasons.
+++
Sho spends the entire night there, and the next morning, as filming for their weekly variety show is canceled. He’s on his fifteenth cup of coffee, and he hasn’t fallen asleep, eyes never leaving Aiba’s gaunt face. Luckily enough Mie brings him dinner sometime in the early morning: a piece of bread from the store downstairs.
Nino shows up with something better, already anticipating the situation. If Sho was in a different frame of mind, he’d be entertained by the reversal of roles. But he’s not, so he takes the fast food hamburger with gratitude and gobbles it down as he continues to watch Aiba.
Nino sits next to him, but they don’t talk. When Mie comes in, Nino chats with her-it’s apparently his doing that the nurse is being so bold with them-but Sho doesn’t join in. Nino doesn’t try to tell him to go home and get some sleep like Sho had so quickly done to Satoshi last night. Nino knows he would refuse.
That’s one thing that does distract Sho’s mind from the situation. Nino knows.
It doesn’t distract him for long, though, because suddenly the monitor starts beeping, and they both jump up together, pressing the nurse call button over and over again until someone comes mere seconds later.
The nurse-not Mie-looks over the monitors, adjusts some things, and the beeping stops. She checks Aiba’s temperature and pulse, and assures them nothing is wrong.
In his chest, Sho’s heart hammers for the next twenty minutes.
+++
Going without sleep is part of Sho’s daily routine. What is getting him now is tension and worry, things that caffeine doesn’t help with.
Jun is the one to convince him to go to his News Zero pre-meeting. Ultimately he could miss it, but Jun’s right when he says that keeping to his schedule will help deal with the shock, and that he needs the time to correct his frame of mind before going on air.
They’re running a story on Aiba, and ask Sho to prepare a comment.
He does it out of sheer habit and a lifetime of making comments, but when they’re live, the news program halfway over, Sho chokes as soon as the title comes up.
Aiba Masaki hospitalized.
“It appears his condition is stable, although information is limited. Sakurai-kun, how is Arashi dealing with this tragedy?”
Sho swallows once, looking at the camera and feeling sweat break out on his forehead. “We’ve put all group activities on hold for the time being,” Sho manages to reply. Without the familiar air of the studio, the suit hanging on his shoulders, the other anchors next to him, Sho is sure talking would be impossible right now. “Aiba-kun’s well-being is our first priority.”
That’s all the say-can say on the topic, and when they move onto the next story, Sho wishes he could leave.
When filming is over, they always have another meeting to discuss how “on-air” went, but they all usher Sho out the door tonight with sympathetic looks, and it’s all Sho can do to make it to the car before he breaks down.
Aiba is okay, he tells himself the entire drive to the hospital. He’ll wake up.
+++
Sparse hairs have grown out on Aiba’s face, and Sho touches them carefully, feeling like a lunatic. No one is there, not at this hour of the morning. Usually Sho would be sleeping in until noon after a night on Zero, but he’s gone days without sleep before.
He sits down on his chair and watches Aiba in a daze, not even realizing when Mie has come and gone, leaving him a steaming plate of curry rice, until his stomach reminds him he’s hungry.
Jun comes in at seven with a pair of sunglasses on. He takes them off and looks Sho over, not afraid to say things how they are.
“You should be at home, sleeping.”
“I’m fine,” Sho mumbles, his voice hoarse somehow. He doesn’t know when that happened.
“You should be at home,” Jun repeats in a sharper tone. “I’m here now, I’ll contact you if something happens.”
“I’m fine.” Sho’s jaw clenches, and Jun lets out a small irritated noise before marching over and pulling Sho up by the arm.
Sho pushes him away and feels exhausted, like he’s going to collapse onto the floor. How many years has it been since the two of them have fought like this?
And then Jun’s eyes change and he knows too, just like Nino.
“You should be at home,” he tries on last time, but his voice has lost all of the aggression behind it and Sho sits down again.
“No.”
+++
The two of them sit together, not talking, until Jun leaves for work several hours later. Sho is free until the afternoon, so he stays, staring at Aiba’s unchanging face.
Eventually Satoshi shows up. The commercial he was scheduled to film with Aiba is canceled.
Satoshi has probably always known about Sho’s thing. Sho thinks this in his delirium as his eyes finally become unable to focus, and he starts slumping forward in cycles. Awake, not awake, awake again, but not.
Sho doesn’t know how long it takes, but in time there is a hand on the side of his head, and when he’s leaning against Satoshi’s shoulder, Sho is out like a light.
+++
Aiba is still unconscious when Sho wakes up. The phone in his pocket is buzzing in an alarm his manager set for him. He has a newspaper interview for his new drama, but they will no doubt ask about Aiba too.
Sho turns it off and mechanically stands up. The stylist will have a hell of a time dealing with the grief etched into his face, but that’s not Sho’s problem right now. He gathers his things, and Satoshi sees him out the door with a consoling smile.
+++
The interviewer takes the hint and doesn’t push Aiba’s condition past the statement Sho’s manager has already prepared. They don’t even take a picture of Sho, using the pre-shoot he’d done for the drama instead.
Next on the schedule is a briefing by the drama’s writer and director. Sho is already at the studio with his manager, the two of them walking down the hallway, when Sho’s private phone starts buzzing. He pauses and takes it out, having checked it a few seconds earlier on the elevator, and answers immediately. It’s Nino.
“He’s awake.”
Sho’s body is already in action, heading back to the elevator, before his brain can process. His manager is following behind him, then in front of him, holding up his hands to stop Sho and ask what’s happening.
“I’m coming right now,” Sho tell Nino, hanging up. By the look in his eyes, his manager knows the situation.
“Listen, Sakurai-san,” he says calmly, as if he’s trying to tame a rabid animal. “I’ll take you there the minute this meeting is done. We’ll end it early. Just give me half an hour-“
“No,” Sho says evenly. He’s pretty sure this is the first time he’s ever demanded so much of his manager. “Take care of it,” he asks with no compassion, and pushes past him to get to the elevator.
He is completely composed as he calls a taxi cab and rides to the hospital, up until the moment he enters Aiba’s room.
+++
The door opens and Sho sees him and his heart stops for just a moment. Sho’s standing there like a mental case even as the nurse escorting him there has to abruptly stop to avoid running into him.
“Sho… chan…” he hears in a weak voice, and Sho loses it, darting across the room and managing to catch himself at the last minute before he throws himself on top of the bed. Instead his arms catch him before he does any damage, and he just leans over Aiba for a moment, checking that his eyes are indeed open, and he’s breathing, and he’s still there with them.
“Masaki,” he chokes out like he did several nights earlier, and gently places both hands on the side of his head. The nurse comes forward to supervise them, but Nino manages to keep her back enough that she’s out of their way.
Sho doesn’t even think before he kisses Aiba’s face. His cheek is sticky and salty with sweat, but Sho revels in the tastes, spreading butterfly kisses across Aiba’s eyes, making them scrunch up as he giggles. He would kiss his mouth too, but that stupid mask is in the way and Sho needs to be gentle.
“I love you,” he whispers into Aiba’s ear and he can see tears filling Aiba’s eyes, and Sho’s about ready to cry too. “I love you, I love you,” he chants in a small voice, his breath coming in shallow pants.
“Sho-chan,” Aiba gasps out again, his breathing just as haphazard as Sho’s, but it’s raspy, and Sho pulls back in worry. Aiba’s eyes are trying to focus on his face, but they’re glazed over, and he starts wheezing as if breath isn’t actually making it into his lungs correctly. After a few short breaths, his eyes roll into the back of his head and Aiba’s unconscious again.
The machines start beeping, and the nurse pushes him away, calling for backup and the doctor. Although Sho wants to get right there in the thick of things to make sure Aiba will be taken care of, he allows Nino to pull him by the arm back into the corner.
After a hushed conversation between the nurse and doctor, they ask Sho to step out into the hallway.
+++
Sho is forbidden from seeing Aiba.
He sits like a statue in the hallway staring at the door, but they’ve drawn the curtain inside, so that even when someone goes in or out, Sho can’t see him.
In all respects, Sho should be furious right now, but he’s not. He’s a bit relieved, although still mostly worried.
In an hour, his manager sends him a message relaying that they were understanding enough to reschedule the meeting. Sho doesn’t reply.
Jun and Satoshi show up at the same time, and the three of them rotate between Aiba’s bedside and the seat next to Sho. Only Sho has been exiled to the hallway. No one tells him why, but he can imagine it has something to do with the way he broke down as soon as he saw Aiba.
“He’s awake again,” Nino tells him, sipping at the paper cup of coffee in his hands. “They said his vitals are normal.”
Sho lets out a grunt of understanding, and watches Jun come out of the door he’s been staring at for hours.
Jun exchanges a few words with Nino and Nino goes back inside, Jun taking up the vacated seat. “He wants to see you,” Jun tells him. “He’s asking for you, but the doctor says he needs to wait.”
“Wait for what?” Sho’s voice is raspy and tired, infused with all the fatigue seeping through his body.
“Don’t know,” Jun replies. “The doctor said she’ll consult with you as soon as she’s free.”
That doesn’t make Sho feel better.
+++
“The problem is,” the doctor tells him in her office, the usual light screen in the background and a computer at her white desk, “that your presence overwhelmed Aiba-san.”
Sho scrunches the pant fabric covering his thighs in one hand, feeling frustrated.
“Aiba-san is mentally unstable right now. We believe he will make a full recovery, but he experienced brain trauma and will be easily susceptible to things around him for at least twenty four hours, if not longer.”
“But…” Sho looks over at Leader who is sitting next to him for moral support. Leader looks back with sad eyes and pats his shoulder gently. “The other members are okay?”
“So far he has shown no signs of instability with anyone else except you. I’d rather continue to isolate him until tomorrow morning. I’m sure you understand.”
Sho doesn’t really understand (he’s used to it) but nods. Whatever is better for Aiba.
Suddenly a nurse pokes her head into the room, nodding in apology for interrupting. “Doctor, your attention is required.”
The doctor turns to Sho with a steely look, although not uncompassionate. “You’ll have to excuse me, gentlemen. I’ll keep you updated as often as I’m able, Sakurai-san,” she says curtly before following the nurse out the door. With nothing else to do, Sho and Ohno follow her more slowly, but once they’re out in the hall, Sho doesn’t fail to notice which room she heads to.
They rush after the doctor, and Sho pauses just outside Aiba’s door, wondering if something has gone wrong. Satoshi squeezes his bicep and darts into the room, leaving Sho alone.
Sho paces back and forth as he waits for someone to come update him-he doesn’t have to wait long before Jun comes out of the door and Sho can hear lowered voices arguing about something for just a millisecond.
“What’s the matter?” Sho frantically asks, although he takes care to keep quiet. Jun sits down on the waiting chairs and Sho joins him, leaning in close.
“Aiba’s been asking to see you for the last hour. It was easy to put him off at first, but suddenly he just started shouting like a spoiled kid. We can’t calm him down,” Jun explains, staring into space. “Nino tried to tell the nurse to just let you come in, but she wouldn’t do it without the doctor’s permission.”
“The doctor said he has brain trauma,” Sho replies, if only for the fact that it gives him something to say, but Jun nods as if that explains it.
“His emotions are out of whack, that’s why she didn’t want you coming back in in the first place.”
The door opens again and the two of them glance up together to see an angry looking doctor, and Nino with a mirroring expression of irritation.
“Sakurai-san, I believe you’ve been informed of the situation,” the doctor says curtly with a pointed glance at Jun. “There are two options here. Put Aiba-san to sleep with medicine to calm him down, or do everything we can to fulfill his requests until he’s calm enough to sleep naturally. If possible, I’d like to take the second route, but if he becomes overwhelmed again, we’ll be injecting him immediately.”
It doesn’t take more than a millisecond for Sho’s sharp brain to interpret those words.
“I understand. If you let me, I’ll go calm him down.”
Nino’s face softens in relief, even as the doctor’s expression darkens. “You have once chance,” she warns him before opening the door.
Sho takes a moment to compose himself, as if he’s getting into character for a drama or play. He takes a big breath before walking in and slowly pushing back the curtain that’s been hiding Aiba from him all this time.
“Sho-chan!” Aiba breaks out crying immediately, tears trailing down his face in streams. Sho smiles at him gently and steps closer-not too quickly to work him up, but not wasting any time.
“Masaki, you’re okay,” he says, using his soothing soft voice, the one that has sent Aiba to sleep so many nights before.
“Sho-chan,” Aiba hiccups, his hot breath creating quick spurts of white on the air mask. “Sho-chan, I love you too, I love you, I love you-“
“Shh, I know,” Sho tells him, even though he doesn’t know and his heart is pounding, but Aiba is unstable right now and that is more important. “I know you do, Masaki.”
As he says those words he reaches out to softly touch Aiba’s hand, the fingers weakly wrapping around his own. Aiba seems to be calming down, his breaths getting steadier although he’s still crying, so Sho keeps talking.
“Look, we’re all here. Everything will be okay,” he assures him, leaning down so that Aiba can relax his neck a little more as they look at each other.
“I don’t want to die,” Aiba tells him, no longer fighting for breath, but crying just as hard.
“You’re alive,” Sho replies, smiling genuinely for the first time in days. “You’re alive,” he repeats, touching the side of Aiba’s head softly with the hand not holding Aiba’s.
Jun, Nino, Satoshi, the doctor, and all of the nurses are staring at them, but the tension breaks suddenly, and two of the nurses leave the room.
“I’m sorry,” Aiba offers in a weakening voice, “Arashi-you must have-“ he starts getting worked up again, but Sho chuckles quietly and puts a finger over his own mouth.
“None of that, now. Nothing to apologize for,” he assures him with a smile, and Aiba’s mouth twitches in reply.
“Sho-chan…” Aiba’s voice is all but gone now, and his eyes are drooping in fatigue. The best way to finish things off is with light talk, nothing that needs responding to, a plan that Sho uses whenever the situation arises.
“So, you know, Masaki? This hospital has amazing curry. You know that curry they serve in the television studio that you like so much? This place tops it, and I ate it while it was cold,” he commentates, filling his voice full of affection. Aiba blinks slowly once and makes a humming sound in an indecipherable response. “I’m going to treat you to a bowl of it. We’ll have it together so that I can see the reaction on your face when you eat it. You’ll know that I was right, that it was the most amazing curry you’ve ever had. And you’ll say, ‘You were right, Sho-chan…’”
It’s then that Sho realizes that he’s getting choked up, his facade finally breaking, but it’s lasted long enough. Aiba’s eyes have closed and his breathing is even.
The doctor gives a curt order to the nurse on duty, telling her to constantly watch his condition for changes, before stalking out of the room. Jun lets out a breath he’s been holding, and Nino slumps into one of the chairs, eyes on Aiba’s immobile body. Satoshi tugs on Sho’s shirt, pointing to a chair he’s brought over so that Sho doesn’t have to leave Aiba’s side, and Sho nods in gratitude.
+++
In the morning, Sho calls his manager and apologizes for his behavior the day before. He requests the day off, which isn’t so hard, since it’s the day they usually film their game show. The meeting for his drama has been moved to tomorrow afternoon, so as long as he attends that, his manager promises him the rest of tomorrow off as well. While Sho was at the hospital, his manager was busy, and Sho feels very lucky to be supported by him.
He stays while Aiba sleeps. In time the other members come and go.
In the early hours of the morning, Jun brings him a cup of decent coffee and his favorite bento, and sits on the other side of the bed looking exhausted.
Sho manages a smile and a thank you before digging right in.
+++
When Aiba wakes up again, he’s much calmer. He sighs, his eyes barely open, and Sho leans forward to watch him.
Jun leans forward too, pushing the thick glasses he’s wearing up on his nose. Aiba looks at Sho first, and then shifts his eyes to Jun and the rest of the room.
“Masaki,” Jun is the first to speak, and he manages to smile at both Aiba and Sho.
“’Morning,” Aiba rasps out, then sighs again. A moment later a nurse comes in, checks Aiba’s temperature, heartbeat, and all the monitors. She pointedly looks at Sho before backing off, filing in a form much slower than the other times, glancing over at them and probably judging Aiba’s attitude.
Now that both of them are normal-considering the circumstances-Sho feels strange about being so close, about the way he’s been watching Aiba nonstop for the past few days. But he stays put and takes a deep breath, wondering how much Aiba remembers.
“Masaki, do you need anything?” he asks gently, drawing Aiba’s wandering eyes.
“Sho-chan,” Aiba says, making Sho’s heart speed up, then he laughs-it’s not as robust as usual, but it’s still a laugh. “I have to use the bathroom.”
“I’ll help you with that,” the nurse pipes in, “Best if you other boys leave the room for a few minutes.” She shoos them away, and Sho complies, sharing an amused look with Jun.
Aiba is going to be okay after all.
+++
In a week, Aiba is released from the hospital. The bruises have healed, his emotions are stable, the doctor has deemed it a full recovery, although forbids him from working for another week, and nothing strenuous for a month.
Aiba’s manager, who still has a cast but it otherwise fine, sees Aiba back to his apartment along with Nino, the only one of them who’s free. With only a short message as warning, Sho comes the second work is over that night, with a key passed to him from Nino.
“Aiba-kun,” he calls out as he takes off his shoes and shuffles across the apartment, “I brought you dinner and supplements from Jun.”
“Sho-chan?” Aiba calls back by the time Sho is halfway to the bedroom, where his voice is coming from. Sho sets the plastic bags on the table and continues on his way, relieved to find Aiba actually in bed and not trying to do something.
Sho pauses and leans against the doorframe, smiling at his friend, who is looking quite at home back in his apartment. His skin holds a bit of color now, and some meat has made it back on his bones. “Are you hungry?”
“Not really,” Aiba replies with an apologetic smile. “My brother just brought Chinese food.”
“Better not tell Jun that or he’ll have a fit that you’re not eating healthy.” Sho pushes himself off the wall and walks the few steps it takes to reach the bed, unconsciously smoothing down the blanket covering Aiba’s body.
When his hand skims past Aiba’s shoulder, Aiba reaches out to grab his wrist, stopping him.
“Hey, Sho-chan?”
“What is it, Masaki?” he replies, pushing back Aiba’s bangs to feel his forehead. He’s a bit warm, but nothing that laying under the covers wouldn’t explain.
“At the hospital… did you say…” Aiba averts his eyes shyly for just a second before pushing on, “That you loved me?” The look in his eye is unsure, as if wondering if he’d been dreaming.
Sho thinks it would be better to lie, ultimately. But he doesn’t.
“Yes, I did. I love you, Masaki,” he says sincerely, leaving Aiba to interpret the meaning as he wishes.
Aiba smiles happily.
“Me, too. I love you too,” he laughs, grabbing Sho’s other hand to intertwine their fingers.
“Great,” Sho can’t help but laugh back, Aiba’s expression infectious. “Now that we’ve affirmed our love for each other…” he teases, wondering where in the world this is going.
“Hey, Sho-chan,” Aiba says, “Kiss me.”
“K-Kiss--?” Sho’s face becomes blank, and he sees the immediate effect on Aiba’s own, his smile disappearing.
“Is that…No way, that’s not what you meant?” Aiba asks in panic, his eyes growing wide, and Sho immediately places both hands on the side of his head and leans in close.
“Shh, Masaki, shh, no, I mean yes, that’s what I didn’t mean-“ he fumbles, and then lets out a wry chuckle at his constant failure. “What I mean is, kissing is fine.” Aiba’s watching him with apprehension, and Sho really hopes he didn’t just screw things up between them. “Kissing is great even.”
“Then kiss me, Sho-chan,” Aiba says in a quiet voice.
It takes a moment of hesitation, but he does.
He presses his lips to Aiba’s and Aiba presses back, their noses knocking against each other. Sho adjusts his head, and shivers when Aiba opens his mouth. He’s felt Aiba like this once or twice before-while they were drunk or during a concert or two-but this moment is different. This is the moment in which Sho realizes that Aiba loves him and that they are kissing.
In the end he pulls away, a little overwhelmed.
But Aiba looks satisfied and very proud of himself.
Sho is sure this moment deserves a better emotional build up, like saying he’d never thought in a million years Aiba would feel the same, or that he was content to keep things as steady as they were before. If not for Aiba’s hospitalization none of this would have happened.
The words never make it out of his mouth and Aiba just smiles at him. The situation is easy, Sho thinks. Why make it complicated?
“Sho-chan, are you going to stay here tonight? It’s already late,” Aiba tells him.
“Yes.” In fact Sho had been meaning to stay the night because he wants to be with Aiba every second that he can.
“Then hurry and turn off the lights. Get in here,” Aiba laughs, and Sho smiles.
+++
Aiba tries to make an apology for missing so much work, but Nino and Jun shut him down before Sho can. Satoshi touches Aiba’s arm and smiles at him, then Sho in succession. For some reason this makes Sho blush.
Newspaper reporters come to get a statement from Aiba, asking how it feels to be back in the studio. Aiba tells them he missed Arashi the most and he will do his best to stay in good health in the upcoming months.
When he says this, Nino jumps in with a comment that, there’s no need to worry with Arashi’s mother hen hovering over him.
Aiba laughs and looks at Sho with sparkling eyes, and Sho can’t think of a comeback.
+++
A/N: It's been a long time Sakuraiba! I felt like this story was really plain while I was writing, but when I read it again after it was written, it seemed okay to me. So I hope it's not boring. ^__^;;;; yukitsubute, I know you're not really around LJ much anymore, so I apologize for taking so long to finish your request...
Also, Arafes!! It was amazing. I'm exhausted and have a lot of work to catch up on.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sho/Aiba
Disclaimer: I guess Johnny’s technically owns Arashi, huh? Not me.
Summary: "You don't know what you have until it's gone." Sho learns this lesson the hard way when Aiba is hospitalized.
Notes: For yukitsubute as a winner of my contest from last year. Sorry it took so long! Thanks to r_tenou for betaing.
Everyone is always telling Sho that he’s too busy, that he needs to take time for himself, get some rest. But Sho is one of those people that, even when he has time off, he needs to do something with it. For a while he tried to keep an easy schedule, but in the end, he finds it simpler to just throw himself into his job. It’s too much effort to schedule out his free days himself, since other people schedule his work much more efficiently.
Sho comes home at midnight to his empty apartment, half drunk from a dinner with staff for his next drama. It was fun and just the kind of thing Sho fully enjoys, and he’s brimming with happiness.
When his phone rings, he picks it up with a stupid smile on his face, and laughs as soon as he hears the Sho-chan? on the other end.
“Aibaaa,” he slurs back, and is rewarded with an airy chuckle. Sho collapses against the couch and flips on the TV, sitting in the dark as he talks on the phone.
“Are you home, Sho-chan?”
“Yep. Just got here,” he answers, eyes skimming the content on the screen of the useless shows airing this time of night (morning). None of it is news, so he gives up processing it.
“That’s good. How was your night?”
All Aiba is calling for is light talk, Sho realizes. Aiba is the kind to jump right into what he wants, and since he hasn’t mentioned anything, Sho knows to interpret that as simply wanting to chat. Aiba’s always been a social guy, Sho certainly knows that too, and he takes pride in the fact that Aiba relies on him in these moments.
As they talk about Aiba’s day and Sho’s upcoming work, Sho manages to get up off the couch and brush his teeth. He wants to take a shower, but he doesn’t want to hang up the phone, so he goes and lies on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as Aiba’s voice get subtly calmer, subtly slower. He talks Aiba into a gentle sleep, wishing him a good night and promising to see him in the morning.
+++
When Aiba comes in, he is all smiles and happy good morning!s. His hand brushes across Sho’s shoulders as he passes the table at which Sho is sitting, and promptly joins Leader on the couch, where he’s absorbed in his phone.
Sho smiles at them, but quickly goes back to his newspaper. He still has three to get through.
He’s done with his coffee and finished with half of his stack when Aiba calls out to him.
“Hey, how about it Sho-chan?”
He’s missed most of the conversation, so he turns to the two of them with questioning eyes.
“Going to the bar tonight?” Aiba clarifies with an amused look, and Sho shoots back an apologetic smile.
“I have a meeting for Zero tonight, sorry.”
“Of course,” Leader replies, and Sho doesn’t ignore the fact that the two of them are pressed flushly together despite the empty length of the couch on Aiba’s other side. “Sho-kun’s always busy.”
“Always too busy for us,” Aiba repeats playfully, and Sho simply brushes off the comments and shakes his head at them. He goes back to his newspaper just as Nino and Jun arrive from the earlier photo shoot.
+++
“Do you see marriage plans in your future?”
Sho can’t remember how many times he’s been asked this question or one similar, but it seems like in the last few months they’ve increased substantially. He smiles at the interviewer and repeats the same answer he always does.
“Of course. I’d like to get married someday, have a kid or two.”
Tension makes his stomach knot and this time he can’t add anything more interesting. He’s forgiven and they move on to the next question.
It’s funny. At these moments, Sho almost always thinks of Aiba.
+++
By the time he’s done with his News Zero meeting and back at home at some ridiculous hour of the morning, Aiba and Ohno have sent him a string of drunken messages, most of them emoticons of hearts or blurry pictures of them at the bar.
Sho looks through every one of them, heart jumping at the one message in the middle that might have been sober if not for the obvious evidence otherwise. I love Sho-chan so much, it reads, from Aiba.
Taking time to think of a reply and wondering if the two are even still awake at this point, Sho heats up the food he’s brought home with him, and then types back, I love you too.
Maybe someday he’ll say these words seriously. Or maybe someday the two of them will look back together and Sho will tell him, I loved you then, Aiba. Although, he doubts it will be strictly past tense.
Until that day, Sho will just keep busy and focused on work, which is much more important that unrequited love.
+++
A location shoot has Sho in Kyoto for five days, and Aiba calls him on the second to say how much he misses him.
“Even if I was in Tokyo, you had variety shooting today. We wouldn’t have seen each other anyway,” Sho laughs as he loosens his tie in his hotel room.
“Just the fact that you’re out of town makes a difference,” Aiba whines in a pouty voice, and Sho tries to hold back his amusement. “I want to come see you in Kyoto!”
“You are not coming all the way out here,” Sho tells him firmly, because if Aiba’s nutty plans are not shot down right away, they gain momentum until Sho can’t stop him at all.
“Why?” Aiba’s voice grows even more nasally. “Fine, but you have to promise to go to dinner with me right when you get back! No backing out! I don’t care if it’s three in the morning,” he finally chuckles at the end.
“Okay,” Sho concedes with a fake sigh.
“Promise?”
“Promise,” Sho says in a surer voice, catching his reflection in the mirror. For some reason, that blissful expression will always stick in his memory.
+++
Sho actually doesn’t fulfill his promise. When Aiba bugs him about it, they set a date, but at the last minute Sho’s work takes over and he can’t make it. They re-schedule, but it doesn’t work out either, and somehow the plans just fade away, left to be small talk fodder for the camera later on.
+++
Sho doesn’t realize Aiba is missing until Nino says something.
“Where is that idiot? He’s going to be late for costume changing.”
At the same time as Jun, Sho looks around their waiting room with a curious glance. The four of them are there, as well as some other staff and managers at another table a few feet away. Unconsciously Sho checks his phone, but there is no missed call or message from Aiba.
“I’ll call him,” Jun volunteers, and steps into the corner with his smartphone raised up to his ear.
There’s no answer, and when he turned to look at the rest of them, Jun’s eyes are big with worry.
“I’ll try his manager. They should be together,” Sho offers, and for reasons he can’t rationally explain, he is becoming very nervous. He pulls out his phone, same as Jun, and makes the call.
It rings several times before going to voice mail, and Sho panics.
Nino already sees the signs and holds his hands up to try and calm Sho down. “They’re probably stuck in traffic. In a tunnel,” he explains with a forced smile, standing at the same time that Sho does.
Another staff member breaks in, gently offering, “I’ll notify the director and filming crew,” and promptly leaves. This does nothing to calm Sho down, even if he appreciates the thought.
Satoshi knows what to do, though, and he stands up to come closer, gently touching Sho on the back and pushing him back into his seat. Satoshi sits down next to him without asking and takes Sho’s hand in his, sending waves of comfort through where their skin is touching.
Managing to take a breath, Sho doesn’t join the discussion of whether to go ahead and start getting changed without Aiba or not.
A minute later, the staff comes running back in out of breath.
“There’s been an accident. Aiba-san is being transported to the hospital now.”
Sho shoots out of his seat, dropping Ohno’s hand and sending his chair backwards.
“What accident?” Jun manages to get out, all of the people in the room in shock and listening with apt attention.
“I’m not sure-“ the staff starts, but behind her comes Sho’s manager with a grim face.
“Car accident, not our fault. The car they were riding in was hit by an out of control truck.”
“Condition?” Jun demands with a scary face, but Sho can’t process it, can’t process anything.
“Aiba-san is stable, but unconscious. His manager’s conscious, but his leg is broken.”
There is a thick silence, and suddenly Sho gets it.
“We’re going there,” he says in a quiet but dangerous voice.
“What?” Nino turns to him incredulously.
“Aiba’s not here. The filming is canceled. We’re free. We’re going to the hospital.”
“I agree,” Satoshi breaks in next to him, and Sho feels a bit relieved. They need to go now.
“I-“ Sho’s manager is stunned, and Sho is staring at him so hard the man looks even more nervous than he did when he walked in. That’s saying something. “I’ll take care of it,” he replies simply, shrugging as if he knows there’s no other option.
“I’ll drive them.” Jun’s manager is there too, his phone to his ear as if holding for the other end. “Let’s go.”
Sho is thankful, but worry soon takes over that emotion, and they all push out of the room together.
+++
Once they actually find where Aiba has been taken, they aren’t allowed to see him.
The doctor assures them that both patients are in stable condition and under the best care available. By the time the consultation is over, they’ve all run out of time, especially Sho who already has a tight schedule today.
They take ten minutes to hash things out between the members, leaving the harder work to the managers and staff. The first one to take off is Jun, who is already late for a magazine shoot. Sho should be next. He should have caught a ride with Jun, but he waits and ignores the fifth call from his manager.
Ohno is next, with filming for a special drama, and he takes Sho with him. Nino is left behind because his meeting is easily canceled, and he promises immediate updates as the situation changes.
Within himself Sho is disappointed. Aiba needs him, even if no one else may see that.
But work needs him too, and Sho lets Satoshi pull him out the glass doors of the hospital, wondering how long he’ll go before he breaks.
+++
Sho fumbles his way through the interview he’s supposed to be conducting, checking his phone every time the cameras stop rolling, even for a second. His manager makes an apology for him when the time is appropriate.
After the interview, they do an on-location shoot for the same corner. Sho reads the word prompt board emotionlessly, and causes them to retake the video three times. The director gives him a pep talk, telling him he knows how Sho is feeling.
How does he know, Sho thinks. He doesn’t know.
He tries to put Aiba out of his mind, but it doesn’t work. It’s better to think that, if he finishes this quickly he can go back to the hospital. Nino’s latest update says they’ve let him into the hospital room, but that he has to leave soon. Jun assures them he’s headed over there now to take over the watch.
Sho wishes it was himself, but he goes back to work.
+++
It’s three in the morning when Sho is finally able to return to the hospital. It’s after hours, but Sho’s not afraid to put his idol reputation to use, and the nurse there is a fan. She lets him in and even offers him a cup of tasteless coffee.
Satoshi is dozing off in the chair set up at the bedside, his head lolling to the side before jerking back into place.
Before waking him up, Sho looks Aiba over. His head is covered in bandages, and his skin is pale. There are bruises up and down his arms, and tubes connect him to two drips hanging on carts. There’s a breathing mask over his nose and mouth, and Sho touches his cheek lightly with shaking fingers.
“Masaki…” he chokes out, overwhelmed with the feeling of almost losing this man, and Satoshi startles awake, looking around with a dazed expression.
Somehow Sho composes himself, swallowing the lump in his throat, and gives Leader a grim smile.
“Sorry for waking you.”
“Sho-kun?” He rubs his eyes like a little boy and takes a big yawn.
According to his message, Satoshi’s been here since ten and more than fulfilled his duty.
“You should go home,” Sho tells him gently, walking around the foot of the bed. “You need some rest. I’ll stay here.”
“Tell us if he wakes up,” Leader makes him promise, and Sho nods, holding out his hand to balance a wobbly Satoshi when he stands.
“I will.”
“If you need anything, ask for Mie,” Leader adds, then lowers his voice to explain, “She’s a big fan. She brought me donuts.”
Sho manages an amused smile and pats Leader on the back as he turns to go.
“Thank you,” he says, for so many reasons.
+++
Sho spends the entire night there, and the next morning, as filming for their weekly variety show is canceled. He’s on his fifteenth cup of coffee, and he hasn’t fallen asleep, eyes never leaving Aiba’s gaunt face. Luckily enough Mie brings him dinner sometime in the early morning: a piece of bread from the store downstairs.
Nino shows up with something better, already anticipating the situation. If Sho was in a different frame of mind, he’d be entertained by the reversal of roles. But he’s not, so he takes the fast food hamburger with gratitude and gobbles it down as he continues to watch Aiba.
Nino sits next to him, but they don’t talk. When Mie comes in, Nino chats with her-it’s apparently his doing that the nurse is being so bold with them-but Sho doesn’t join in. Nino doesn’t try to tell him to go home and get some sleep like Sho had so quickly done to Satoshi last night. Nino knows he would refuse.
That’s one thing that does distract Sho’s mind from the situation. Nino knows.
It doesn’t distract him for long, though, because suddenly the monitor starts beeping, and they both jump up together, pressing the nurse call button over and over again until someone comes mere seconds later.
The nurse-not Mie-looks over the monitors, adjusts some things, and the beeping stops. She checks Aiba’s temperature and pulse, and assures them nothing is wrong.
In his chest, Sho’s heart hammers for the next twenty minutes.
+++
Going without sleep is part of Sho’s daily routine. What is getting him now is tension and worry, things that caffeine doesn’t help with.
Jun is the one to convince him to go to his News Zero pre-meeting. Ultimately he could miss it, but Jun’s right when he says that keeping to his schedule will help deal with the shock, and that he needs the time to correct his frame of mind before going on air.
They’re running a story on Aiba, and ask Sho to prepare a comment.
He does it out of sheer habit and a lifetime of making comments, but when they’re live, the news program halfway over, Sho chokes as soon as the title comes up.
Aiba Masaki hospitalized.
“It appears his condition is stable, although information is limited. Sakurai-kun, how is Arashi dealing with this tragedy?”
Sho swallows once, looking at the camera and feeling sweat break out on his forehead. “We’ve put all group activities on hold for the time being,” Sho manages to reply. Without the familiar air of the studio, the suit hanging on his shoulders, the other anchors next to him, Sho is sure talking would be impossible right now. “Aiba-kun’s well-being is our first priority.”
That’s all the say-can say on the topic, and when they move onto the next story, Sho wishes he could leave.
When filming is over, they always have another meeting to discuss how “on-air” went, but they all usher Sho out the door tonight with sympathetic looks, and it’s all Sho can do to make it to the car before he breaks down.
Aiba is okay, he tells himself the entire drive to the hospital. He’ll wake up.
+++
Sparse hairs have grown out on Aiba’s face, and Sho touches them carefully, feeling like a lunatic. No one is there, not at this hour of the morning. Usually Sho would be sleeping in until noon after a night on Zero, but he’s gone days without sleep before.
He sits down on his chair and watches Aiba in a daze, not even realizing when Mie has come and gone, leaving him a steaming plate of curry rice, until his stomach reminds him he’s hungry.
Jun comes in at seven with a pair of sunglasses on. He takes them off and looks Sho over, not afraid to say things how they are.
“You should be at home, sleeping.”
“I’m fine,” Sho mumbles, his voice hoarse somehow. He doesn’t know when that happened.
“You should be at home,” Jun repeats in a sharper tone. “I’m here now, I’ll contact you if something happens.”
“I’m fine.” Sho’s jaw clenches, and Jun lets out a small irritated noise before marching over and pulling Sho up by the arm.
Sho pushes him away and feels exhausted, like he’s going to collapse onto the floor. How many years has it been since the two of them have fought like this?
And then Jun’s eyes change and he knows too, just like Nino.
“You should be at home,” he tries on last time, but his voice has lost all of the aggression behind it and Sho sits down again.
“No.”
+++
The two of them sit together, not talking, until Jun leaves for work several hours later. Sho is free until the afternoon, so he stays, staring at Aiba’s unchanging face.
Eventually Satoshi shows up. The commercial he was scheduled to film with Aiba is canceled.
Satoshi has probably always known about Sho’s thing. Sho thinks this in his delirium as his eyes finally become unable to focus, and he starts slumping forward in cycles. Awake, not awake, awake again, but not.
Sho doesn’t know how long it takes, but in time there is a hand on the side of his head, and when he’s leaning against Satoshi’s shoulder, Sho is out like a light.
+++
Aiba is still unconscious when Sho wakes up. The phone in his pocket is buzzing in an alarm his manager set for him. He has a newspaper interview for his new drama, but they will no doubt ask about Aiba too.
Sho turns it off and mechanically stands up. The stylist will have a hell of a time dealing with the grief etched into his face, but that’s not Sho’s problem right now. He gathers his things, and Satoshi sees him out the door with a consoling smile.
+++
The interviewer takes the hint and doesn’t push Aiba’s condition past the statement Sho’s manager has already prepared. They don’t even take a picture of Sho, using the pre-shoot he’d done for the drama instead.
Next on the schedule is a briefing by the drama’s writer and director. Sho is already at the studio with his manager, the two of them walking down the hallway, when Sho’s private phone starts buzzing. He pauses and takes it out, having checked it a few seconds earlier on the elevator, and answers immediately. It’s Nino.
“He’s awake.”
Sho’s body is already in action, heading back to the elevator, before his brain can process. His manager is following behind him, then in front of him, holding up his hands to stop Sho and ask what’s happening.
“I’m coming right now,” Sho tell Nino, hanging up. By the look in his eyes, his manager knows the situation.
“Listen, Sakurai-san,” he says calmly, as if he’s trying to tame a rabid animal. “I’ll take you there the minute this meeting is done. We’ll end it early. Just give me half an hour-“
“No,” Sho says evenly. He’s pretty sure this is the first time he’s ever demanded so much of his manager. “Take care of it,” he asks with no compassion, and pushes past him to get to the elevator.
He is completely composed as he calls a taxi cab and rides to the hospital, up until the moment he enters Aiba’s room.
+++
The door opens and Sho sees him and his heart stops for just a moment. Sho’s standing there like a mental case even as the nurse escorting him there has to abruptly stop to avoid running into him.
“Sho… chan…” he hears in a weak voice, and Sho loses it, darting across the room and managing to catch himself at the last minute before he throws himself on top of the bed. Instead his arms catch him before he does any damage, and he just leans over Aiba for a moment, checking that his eyes are indeed open, and he’s breathing, and he’s still there with them.
“Masaki,” he chokes out like he did several nights earlier, and gently places both hands on the side of his head. The nurse comes forward to supervise them, but Nino manages to keep her back enough that she’s out of their way.
Sho doesn’t even think before he kisses Aiba’s face. His cheek is sticky and salty with sweat, but Sho revels in the tastes, spreading butterfly kisses across Aiba’s eyes, making them scrunch up as he giggles. He would kiss his mouth too, but that stupid mask is in the way and Sho needs to be gentle.
“I love you,” he whispers into Aiba’s ear and he can see tears filling Aiba’s eyes, and Sho’s about ready to cry too. “I love you, I love you,” he chants in a small voice, his breath coming in shallow pants.
“Sho-chan,” Aiba gasps out again, his breathing just as haphazard as Sho’s, but it’s raspy, and Sho pulls back in worry. Aiba’s eyes are trying to focus on his face, but they’re glazed over, and he starts wheezing as if breath isn’t actually making it into his lungs correctly. After a few short breaths, his eyes roll into the back of his head and Aiba’s unconscious again.
The machines start beeping, and the nurse pushes him away, calling for backup and the doctor. Although Sho wants to get right there in the thick of things to make sure Aiba will be taken care of, he allows Nino to pull him by the arm back into the corner.
After a hushed conversation between the nurse and doctor, they ask Sho to step out into the hallway.
+++
Sho is forbidden from seeing Aiba.
He sits like a statue in the hallway staring at the door, but they’ve drawn the curtain inside, so that even when someone goes in or out, Sho can’t see him.
In all respects, Sho should be furious right now, but he’s not. He’s a bit relieved, although still mostly worried.
In an hour, his manager sends him a message relaying that they were understanding enough to reschedule the meeting. Sho doesn’t reply.
Jun and Satoshi show up at the same time, and the three of them rotate between Aiba’s bedside and the seat next to Sho. Only Sho has been exiled to the hallway. No one tells him why, but he can imagine it has something to do with the way he broke down as soon as he saw Aiba.
“He’s awake again,” Nino tells him, sipping at the paper cup of coffee in his hands. “They said his vitals are normal.”
Sho lets out a grunt of understanding, and watches Jun come out of the door he’s been staring at for hours.
Jun exchanges a few words with Nino and Nino goes back inside, Jun taking up the vacated seat. “He wants to see you,” Jun tells him. “He’s asking for you, but the doctor says he needs to wait.”
“Wait for what?” Sho’s voice is raspy and tired, infused with all the fatigue seeping through his body.
“Don’t know,” Jun replies. “The doctor said she’ll consult with you as soon as she’s free.”
That doesn’t make Sho feel better.
+++
“The problem is,” the doctor tells him in her office, the usual light screen in the background and a computer at her white desk, “that your presence overwhelmed Aiba-san.”
Sho scrunches the pant fabric covering his thighs in one hand, feeling frustrated.
“Aiba-san is mentally unstable right now. We believe he will make a full recovery, but he experienced brain trauma and will be easily susceptible to things around him for at least twenty four hours, if not longer.”
“But…” Sho looks over at Leader who is sitting next to him for moral support. Leader looks back with sad eyes and pats his shoulder gently. “The other members are okay?”
“So far he has shown no signs of instability with anyone else except you. I’d rather continue to isolate him until tomorrow morning. I’m sure you understand.”
Sho doesn’t really understand (he’s used to it) but nods. Whatever is better for Aiba.
Suddenly a nurse pokes her head into the room, nodding in apology for interrupting. “Doctor, your attention is required.”
The doctor turns to Sho with a steely look, although not uncompassionate. “You’ll have to excuse me, gentlemen. I’ll keep you updated as often as I’m able, Sakurai-san,” she says curtly before following the nurse out the door. With nothing else to do, Sho and Ohno follow her more slowly, but once they’re out in the hall, Sho doesn’t fail to notice which room she heads to.
They rush after the doctor, and Sho pauses just outside Aiba’s door, wondering if something has gone wrong. Satoshi squeezes his bicep and darts into the room, leaving Sho alone.
Sho paces back and forth as he waits for someone to come update him-he doesn’t have to wait long before Jun comes out of the door and Sho can hear lowered voices arguing about something for just a millisecond.
“What’s the matter?” Sho frantically asks, although he takes care to keep quiet. Jun sits down on the waiting chairs and Sho joins him, leaning in close.
“Aiba’s been asking to see you for the last hour. It was easy to put him off at first, but suddenly he just started shouting like a spoiled kid. We can’t calm him down,” Jun explains, staring into space. “Nino tried to tell the nurse to just let you come in, but she wouldn’t do it without the doctor’s permission.”
“The doctor said he has brain trauma,” Sho replies, if only for the fact that it gives him something to say, but Jun nods as if that explains it.
“His emotions are out of whack, that’s why she didn’t want you coming back in in the first place.”
The door opens again and the two of them glance up together to see an angry looking doctor, and Nino with a mirroring expression of irritation.
“Sakurai-san, I believe you’ve been informed of the situation,” the doctor says curtly with a pointed glance at Jun. “There are two options here. Put Aiba-san to sleep with medicine to calm him down, or do everything we can to fulfill his requests until he’s calm enough to sleep naturally. If possible, I’d like to take the second route, but if he becomes overwhelmed again, we’ll be injecting him immediately.”
It doesn’t take more than a millisecond for Sho’s sharp brain to interpret those words.
“I understand. If you let me, I’ll go calm him down.”
Nino’s face softens in relief, even as the doctor’s expression darkens. “You have once chance,” she warns him before opening the door.
Sho takes a moment to compose himself, as if he’s getting into character for a drama or play. He takes a big breath before walking in and slowly pushing back the curtain that’s been hiding Aiba from him all this time.
“Sho-chan!” Aiba breaks out crying immediately, tears trailing down his face in streams. Sho smiles at him gently and steps closer-not too quickly to work him up, but not wasting any time.
“Masaki, you’re okay,” he says, using his soothing soft voice, the one that has sent Aiba to sleep so many nights before.
“Sho-chan,” Aiba hiccups, his hot breath creating quick spurts of white on the air mask. “Sho-chan, I love you too, I love you, I love you-“
“Shh, I know,” Sho tells him, even though he doesn’t know and his heart is pounding, but Aiba is unstable right now and that is more important. “I know you do, Masaki.”
As he says those words he reaches out to softly touch Aiba’s hand, the fingers weakly wrapping around his own. Aiba seems to be calming down, his breaths getting steadier although he’s still crying, so Sho keeps talking.
“Look, we’re all here. Everything will be okay,” he assures him, leaning down so that Aiba can relax his neck a little more as they look at each other.
“I don’t want to die,” Aiba tells him, no longer fighting for breath, but crying just as hard.
“You’re alive,” Sho replies, smiling genuinely for the first time in days. “You’re alive,” he repeats, touching the side of Aiba’s head softly with the hand not holding Aiba’s.
Jun, Nino, Satoshi, the doctor, and all of the nurses are staring at them, but the tension breaks suddenly, and two of the nurses leave the room.
“I’m sorry,” Aiba offers in a weakening voice, “Arashi-you must have-“ he starts getting worked up again, but Sho chuckles quietly and puts a finger over his own mouth.
“None of that, now. Nothing to apologize for,” he assures him with a smile, and Aiba’s mouth twitches in reply.
“Sho-chan…” Aiba’s voice is all but gone now, and his eyes are drooping in fatigue. The best way to finish things off is with light talk, nothing that needs responding to, a plan that Sho uses whenever the situation arises.
“So, you know, Masaki? This hospital has amazing curry. You know that curry they serve in the television studio that you like so much? This place tops it, and I ate it while it was cold,” he commentates, filling his voice full of affection. Aiba blinks slowly once and makes a humming sound in an indecipherable response. “I’m going to treat you to a bowl of it. We’ll have it together so that I can see the reaction on your face when you eat it. You’ll know that I was right, that it was the most amazing curry you’ve ever had. And you’ll say, ‘You were right, Sho-chan…’”
It’s then that Sho realizes that he’s getting choked up, his facade finally breaking, but it’s lasted long enough. Aiba’s eyes have closed and his breathing is even.
The doctor gives a curt order to the nurse on duty, telling her to constantly watch his condition for changes, before stalking out of the room. Jun lets out a breath he’s been holding, and Nino slumps into one of the chairs, eyes on Aiba’s immobile body. Satoshi tugs on Sho’s shirt, pointing to a chair he’s brought over so that Sho doesn’t have to leave Aiba’s side, and Sho nods in gratitude.
+++
In the morning, Sho calls his manager and apologizes for his behavior the day before. He requests the day off, which isn’t so hard, since it’s the day they usually film their game show. The meeting for his drama has been moved to tomorrow afternoon, so as long as he attends that, his manager promises him the rest of tomorrow off as well. While Sho was at the hospital, his manager was busy, and Sho feels very lucky to be supported by him.
He stays while Aiba sleeps. In time the other members come and go.
In the early hours of the morning, Jun brings him a cup of decent coffee and his favorite bento, and sits on the other side of the bed looking exhausted.
Sho manages a smile and a thank you before digging right in.
+++
When Aiba wakes up again, he’s much calmer. He sighs, his eyes barely open, and Sho leans forward to watch him.
Jun leans forward too, pushing the thick glasses he’s wearing up on his nose. Aiba looks at Sho first, and then shifts his eyes to Jun and the rest of the room.
“Masaki,” Jun is the first to speak, and he manages to smile at both Aiba and Sho.
“’Morning,” Aiba rasps out, then sighs again. A moment later a nurse comes in, checks Aiba’s temperature, heartbeat, and all the monitors. She pointedly looks at Sho before backing off, filing in a form much slower than the other times, glancing over at them and probably judging Aiba’s attitude.
Now that both of them are normal-considering the circumstances-Sho feels strange about being so close, about the way he’s been watching Aiba nonstop for the past few days. But he stays put and takes a deep breath, wondering how much Aiba remembers.
“Masaki, do you need anything?” he asks gently, drawing Aiba’s wandering eyes.
“Sho-chan,” Aiba says, making Sho’s heart speed up, then he laughs-it’s not as robust as usual, but it’s still a laugh. “I have to use the bathroom.”
“I’ll help you with that,” the nurse pipes in, “Best if you other boys leave the room for a few minutes.” She shoos them away, and Sho complies, sharing an amused look with Jun.
Aiba is going to be okay after all.
+++
In a week, Aiba is released from the hospital. The bruises have healed, his emotions are stable, the doctor has deemed it a full recovery, although forbids him from working for another week, and nothing strenuous for a month.
Aiba’s manager, who still has a cast but it otherwise fine, sees Aiba back to his apartment along with Nino, the only one of them who’s free. With only a short message as warning, Sho comes the second work is over that night, with a key passed to him from Nino.
“Aiba-kun,” he calls out as he takes off his shoes and shuffles across the apartment, “I brought you dinner and supplements from Jun.”
“Sho-chan?” Aiba calls back by the time Sho is halfway to the bedroom, where his voice is coming from. Sho sets the plastic bags on the table and continues on his way, relieved to find Aiba actually in bed and not trying to do something.
Sho pauses and leans against the doorframe, smiling at his friend, who is looking quite at home back in his apartment. His skin holds a bit of color now, and some meat has made it back on his bones. “Are you hungry?”
“Not really,” Aiba replies with an apologetic smile. “My brother just brought Chinese food.”
“Better not tell Jun that or he’ll have a fit that you’re not eating healthy.” Sho pushes himself off the wall and walks the few steps it takes to reach the bed, unconsciously smoothing down the blanket covering Aiba’s body.
When his hand skims past Aiba’s shoulder, Aiba reaches out to grab his wrist, stopping him.
“Hey, Sho-chan?”
“What is it, Masaki?” he replies, pushing back Aiba’s bangs to feel his forehead. He’s a bit warm, but nothing that laying under the covers wouldn’t explain.
“At the hospital… did you say…” Aiba averts his eyes shyly for just a second before pushing on, “That you loved me?” The look in his eye is unsure, as if wondering if he’d been dreaming.
Sho thinks it would be better to lie, ultimately. But he doesn’t.
“Yes, I did. I love you, Masaki,” he says sincerely, leaving Aiba to interpret the meaning as he wishes.
Aiba smiles happily.
“Me, too. I love you too,” he laughs, grabbing Sho’s other hand to intertwine their fingers.
“Great,” Sho can’t help but laugh back, Aiba’s expression infectious. “Now that we’ve affirmed our love for each other…” he teases, wondering where in the world this is going.
“Hey, Sho-chan,” Aiba says, “Kiss me.”
“K-Kiss--?” Sho’s face becomes blank, and he sees the immediate effect on Aiba’s own, his smile disappearing.
“Is that…No way, that’s not what you meant?” Aiba asks in panic, his eyes growing wide, and Sho immediately places both hands on the side of his head and leans in close.
“Shh, Masaki, shh, no, I mean yes, that’s what I didn’t mean-“ he fumbles, and then lets out a wry chuckle at his constant failure. “What I mean is, kissing is fine.” Aiba’s watching him with apprehension, and Sho really hopes he didn’t just screw things up between them. “Kissing is great even.”
“Then kiss me, Sho-chan,” Aiba says in a quiet voice.
It takes a moment of hesitation, but he does.
He presses his lips to Aiba’s and Aiba presses back, their noses knocking against each other. Sho adjusts his head, and shivers when Aiba opens his mouth. He’s felt Aiba like this once or twice before-while they were drunk or during a concert or two-but this moment is different. This is the moment in which Sho realizes that Aiba loves him and that they are kissing.
In the end he pulls away, a little overwhelmed.
But Aiba looks satisfied and very proud of himself.
Sho is sure this moment deserves a better emotional build up, like saying he’d never thought in a million years Aiba would feel the same, or that he was content to keep things as steady as they were before. If not for Aiba’s hospitalization none of this would have happened.
The words never make it out of his mouth and Aiba just smiles at him. The situation is easy, Sho thinks. Why make it complicated?
“Sho-chan, are you going to stay here tonight? It’s already late,” Aiba tells him.
“Yes.” In fact Sho had been meaning to stay the night because he wants to be with Aiba every second that he can.
“Then hurry and turn off the lights. Get in here,” Aiba laughs, and Sho smiles.
+++
Aiba tries to make an apology for missing so much work, but Nino and Jun shut him down before Sho can. Satoshi touches Aiba’s arm and smiles at him, then Sho in succession. For some reason this makes Sho blush.
Newspaper reporters come to get a statement from Aiba, asking how it feels to be back in the studio. Aiba tells them he missed Arashi the most and he will do his best to stay in good health in the upcoming months.
When he says this, Nino jumps in with a comment that, there’s no need to worry with Arashi’s mother hen hovering over him.
Aiba laughs and looks at Sho with sparkling eyes, and Sho can’t think of a comeback.
+++
A/N: It's been a long time Sakuraiba! I felt like this story was really plain while I was writing, but when I read it again after it was written, it seemed okay to me. So I hope it's not boring. ^__^;;;; yukitsubute, I know you're not really around LJ much anymore, so I apologize for taking so long to finish your request...
Also, Arafes!! It was amazing. I'm exhausted and have a lot of work to catch up on.