Just Me and You (Part Two 1/2)
Title: Just Me and You
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Jun/Sho, Aiba/Ohno, Touma/Nino
Genre: Romance, angst(?), AU
Disclaimer: I guess Johnny’s technically owns Arashi, huh? Not me.
Summary: At Ohno and Aiba's wedding, Jun and Sho face confrontation. Although they had only ever had one serious argument over their some-odd three years of dating, it had been the one that they couldn't get over either.
Notes: Sequel/epilogue to my long Aiba/Ohno series Paint, Film, and Stuffed Animals, but can be read as a standalone. Koharu is Aiba's adopted daughter (somewhat borrowed from My Girl).
Part one
Jun had spent so much time over the last few weeks worrying about the wedding, planning, checking, double-checking, asking questions, reprimanding Aiba, giving advice to Ohno, babysitting Koharu… that when it had actually started, when every single thing was in place and the two of them were standing in front of the chapel exchanging vows in their white suits, he felt emptied.
Because he had been so involved in the planning, he declined to be part of the wedding train and instead opted to watch everything by the wall, making sure there were no snags to the day that would mark the two of them as married, at least as much as they could be with the current legal system. He was happy, almost like a father giving away his son (although he was close to Aiba-chan too, now, and he was far from Ohno’s father).
Everything was perfect, and as long as his plans continued to be followed, it would continue to be that way. They had had a fantastic dinner last night with almost everyone that was here in the rows of seats facing the wedding display up front, essentially immediate family and a few close friends. And when the ceremony was complete Ohno and Aiba would leave right away to head to the ocean, where Jun had booked them the largest suite he could find as well as a five star dinner on a yacht. Although he had been worried that Satoshi would lose himself in fishing rather than enjoying the free time with Aiba. But it was their honey moon and Jun wouldn’t tell them how to spend it.
Despite not being in the wedding train, he was still wearing the same blue corsages as the rest of the “best men” that were attending: Nino and Touma in basic black suits, Aiba’s little brother (whom Jun hadn’t met until last week at the rehearsal), Hiroshi (whom had been invited for Koharu’s sake), and of course, Sho.
Once Jun’s eyes fell on him--standing awkwardly next to Nino and watching Ohno and Aiba while they waited for the priest’s speech to finish-- they didn’t leave him.
As expected, he was different from when he had left Japan. Not only his appearance-his slightly shaggy hair, thinned body, darkened skin-that part was obvious, but it had taken a few meetings until Jun had realized that he had become more serious too, and independent.
And that he wasn’t going to ask for Jun back.
That part probably hurt the most. Of course he understood that they had broken up, that they were no longer obligated to each other as lovers were, and even after time had passed and they had both cooled off, Sho hadn’t returned. But even if his brain got that part, the rest of him didn’t. Instead it simply felt like Sho had been on a business trip-a very long one-and had just gotten back. Like Jun was waiting for him to settle into his old habits before pouncing on him.
Even though they weren’t talking.
At all.
They could barely look at each other through all the tension between them.
While he was gone, Jun hadn’t started seeing anyone else. He hadn’t even thought about it. It was like nothing had changed except that Sho never came over to his apartment anymore, even though Jun was always waiting for him to, and that they didn’t talk about him anymore, because whenever anyone mentioned America it seemed like a lie.
He had thought about calling him, or emailing him, trying to make things right about their argument, but he could never bring himself to. It wasn’t like he could just say, listen, let’s talk about this, why don’t you come for dinner? It was much more complicated than that, and trying to force that step was like admitting that Sho had actually left him and was never coming back.
But he had come back, although Nino had already told him he was going to France next, that this wasn’t permanent and that his time to repair things was limited.
During that conversation, Nino had said a lot of things. It was rather insightful for Jun (although he would never admit that to Nino), and a fresh perspective on the fight that had torn the two of them apart that year ago.
When Sho had brought up the topic so nonchalantly, like he was asking what they would be having for dinner, Jun was shocked at first, then furious.
Moving? To America? This was something the two of them needed to discuss from the beginning, when he had first heard of it. He should have said, Listen, Jun, there is a slight possibility that I need to go to America. I know it’s sudden and I wanted you to be the first to know so we could talk about it and make a plan together. Because you are the most important person to me and I need to know what you think.
Instead it had been a flippant half-assed question and that’s why Jun had replied the way he had. He knew it was rude and had shocked Sho, but Sho had shocked him first so it was only fair.
(Nino had explained this away later by saying that Sho didn’t know how to breach the subject and had made a mistake, and that indeed he was thinking about Jun, even if it hadn’t appeared that way.)
Sho had tried again. Jun knew he had tried again, to bring up the topic more seriously, to give him all the details he wanted, to be kind about it and ask for his opinion. But by then the thought of Sho leaving had settled so deeply into his stomach, making everything he ate taste rancid and causing even Ohno to start avoiding him, and he had spat out those words that he had regretted every day since.
“Maybe this isn’t going to work between us, then.”
And now Sho was back, just outside of his grasp, and despite the fact that he was acting cool towards Jun, there was a chance and Jun needed to take it before Sho left again. He knew what he needed to say and now, after a year of waiting, he was willing to put his pride aside, willing to make the sacrifices he didn’t have time to think about back then.
(Nino had told him that Sho didn’t know what Jun was feeling-why should he? They hadn’t talked in a year. Jun must have moved on already. They were simply getting together for a friend’s wedding. Sho didn’t know Jun’s feelings, but Jun did. And so the only way that Sho would know was if Jun told him.)
The hole that Sho had left was more apparent now than when he was actually gone, because at least when he was gone Jun had hoped that he would come back-but now he was back and not his. And Jun was terrified of that.
He had spent his time pretending that everything was okay, occupying himself with the wedding and what needed to be finished, and trying to tell himself that something would happen, things would fall back into place and they would talk about this and make up and work something out.
It was just that the opportunity hadn’t shown up yet. Ohno or Aiba or Koharu or Nino were always with them, or there were other things more pressing (even though he knew he was running out of time), or the words didn’t come, or Jun was overtaken with an abnormal sense of unease. But Jun realized this was an excuse. He could have made an opportunity… if he wasn’t so scared about the whole thing he would have by now, if he was in his usual state. He could have offered to drive Sho back to Nino’s, or asked him out for dinner, or even requested Nino to do something to get them alone, because he no doubt would have.
But he didn’t do any of these things and it was only a matter of time until Sho left again.
(Nino had said, The problem is neither of you are compromising. You want it your way and Sho wants it his way. If you want things to work, that’s where you need to begin. If you want to be with him, maybe you need to start learning French.)
He wasn’t only terrified of Sho leaving him again, but also of what would happen if Jun decided to take that step, to completely give up for the person he wanted, to leave his life as he knew it just so he wouldn’t have to experience the pain of a world without Sho in it anymore. France was just as distant as America as far as he was concerned, away from Ohno, Aiba, and Koharu and everything else he loved.
Except Sho. He could be with Sho.
But at this point he wasn’t even sure what Sho’s reaction would be, if he would accept him with open arms and things would go back to the way they used to be… or if he would never be forgiven for what he had said, for not trying harder to keep Sho in his arms while he still had him.
The wedding hall exploded in cheering as Aiba leaned down to give Ohno a firm kiss on the lips, and Jun realized that he had missed most of the ceremony that he had put so much effort into while staring at Sho and mulling over the mess that had made of his life.
Peppy music started playing in the background as the pair turned towards the audience, Aiba waving one arm widely and thanking people for coming while the other held onto Ohno’s hand. The artist was getting caught up in his boyfriend’s-husband’s enthusiasm, and the two of them started back down the aisle with Koharu breaking the line to promptly follow them. Jun came back to himself and dashed to the rear of the room to sneak out the side door and grab the flower petals that he and Koharu were supposed to throw at them while they got into the limo waiting to sweep them away to the beach.
Clad in a lacy white dress with a small tiara (that Jun had purchased for her while they were getting her fitted), Koharu ran over to him the second she followed the newlywed couple out of the main doors into the foyer. Ohno and Aiba paused for just a moment, as the rest of the wedding party made their way out behind them, and took just enough time for a few quick congratulations, allowing Jun and Koharu (and, actually, the rest of them as well, include Nino, Touma, and Aiba’s brother) to slip outside to prepare.
They barely had time before Aiba was pulling Ohno down the steps out front, making a spectacle for anyone who happened to walk by. Then it was a contest to see who could throw the most flower petals, and how high. Giggles resounded in the air, mostly from Koharu, but Aiba was also distinguishable in there, and Jun couldn’t help but smile as he watched his two friends wind down the short pathway to the waiting car, and then as they waved one more time before disappearing inside of it.
Koharu started calling out to them as the limo took off, following a few feet at a run to make sure they didn’t forget to bring her something back and promising to be good. Aiba rolled down the window to respond, but his voice couldn’t be heard over the crowd, so he just smiled and laughed again, looking back into the car at Ohno before blowing her a kiss and ducking back inside.
As soon as the car was gone, Jun felt satisfaction at everything going so well, but that feeling was quickly draining out of him like water down a shower drain. He turned back to the building with a sigh, thinking about what he needed to do before he could take Koharu home and hopefully spend a quiet night recovering.
People began trickling out from there, going to their cars from the lawn, and since there weren’t many in the first place, Jun thought he could spare the energy to stand there and thank them for coming. He chatted with the first person to approach him for five full minutes until Touma interrupted them with a knowing smile.
After pulling him aside he chuckled, “Take Koharu and go, would you? You look exhausted and you must be now that it’s all over.”
Jun tried to argue, to follow the event through until the last moment, but first of all he didn’t have the energy to do so, and second of all, Koharu was probably just as tired as he was, only she wouldn’t be able to push herself like the years of experience had allowed Jun to.
So he sighed and gave up, wandering over to where the girl was getting caught in the moving crowd (although she didn’t look distraught about it at all and was in fact complaining to herself once again that they had left without her), and managed get her attention.
“Haru-chan, it’s over now. Let’s go home, okay?”
For just a second she looked confused, then obviously remember that she was having a sleep over with Jun tonight because neither of her parents would be there, and smiled at him.
“Okay! I’ll get Sho-chan!”
She darted off before Jun could make sense of her words, and then he furrowed his brows before realizing that, in fact, Koharu probably didn’t understand the concept of the two of them not being together, and assumed that if Jun was coming that Sho was too. Even though their relationship had been tense since Sho had returned, it’s not like they had argued or anything, and had even been together at Masaki’s house together a few times. For such a young girl, she must have not realized it was any different than how it had been before Sho left.
She was gone already and there was nothing he could do about it, so instead he double checked what he was able to from where he was at. It seemed like Touma was taking care of things as he promised, and even Nino was helping out (although that really only consisted of him pushily telling people to go home already because the show was over).
And then Jun saw him, looking confusing and bobbing through the crowd, being pulled by Koharu who was still too short to be seen until they were right next to him, and he knew now that it would be impossible to tell her how things really were, how the world worked when you were a grown up.
Their eyes met as Sho came to a stop, realization dawning on his face, and he looked uncomfortable to some degree, hurt, and Jun couldn’t stop his heart from aching just like it had the day that Sho had left him for America.
He stared down at Koharu, knowing that the sadness was showing on his face, and Koharu finally seemed to realize that she had made a mistake, the bright smile dropping instantly.
“Isn’t Sho-chan coming with us?”
Forcing a better expression and glancing at Sho as quickly as he could, trying not to get drawn into the familiar eyes, he chose the best answer available, wondering if this was the chance he’d been waiting for.
“If he wants to, he’s welcome.”
Koharu was instantly relieved, smiling again and swinging her hand that was still attached to Sho’s, and he gave her a tense smile too, rubbing the back of his head comically. Jun still knew him well enough to realize he was trying to come up with an excuse to say no without making Koharu upset again.
And then he looked back at Jun, and they connected like magnets, unable to look away from each other.
Sho’s features melted into a neutral expression, no longer tense but not exactly pleased either, a look Jun used to be able to accurately interpret depending on the situation (although now he had absolutely no idea or even a place to start). But his eyes were thoughtful and probing, trying to figure Jun out.
So Jun let him, silently begging him to say okay, to give into Koharu’s request and come with them and give him a chance, although his own face was neutral, mirroring Sho.
Finally Sho managed to break away as Koharu demanded his attention with a tug on his shirt and he smiled down at her once more, this time much more genuine.
“Just let me get my stuff, okay? I’ll be right back.”
Jun let out a shaky breath as Sho turned away from them to dart inside the building, and he managed to catch Nino’s eye, the trademark smirk on his lips and his hand raised in a salute.
+++
It seemed like things might be okay.
They had a quiet dinner of leftover fried rice made by Ohno the day before, the two men allowing Koharu to lead the conversation. She talked about the wedding mostly, about the presents she’d gotten from Grandma Aiba, and a distant cousin she had met for the first time.
The more she talked, the more Sho visibly relaxed, and Jun did too. Koharu was easy. Koharu was something that he still understood without effort; just like Sho used to be.
After cleaning up, Koharu had a spurt of energy, despite being tired from the excitement she had been dealing with all day-actually, Jun was surprised she hadn’t passed out on the way home, but if she wanted to keep going, he would let her. With Sho’s help, they rearranged the living area so that it resembled the wedding hall, and Koharu pulled out her stuffed animals. She had an assortment of wedding dresses and tuxedos that she had collected ever since Aiba had announced the wedding, and had played with so much that they were on their way to wearing out. Jun already had each of them memorized, which outfit would fit which toy and the ones Koharu had chosen as Aiba’s and Ohno’s.
She wanted to reenact the ceremony, and they both humored her, helping her dress bears in tuxedos, and a small cat in a white dress that probably had belonged to a doll at some point. The cat turned out to be herself, and she gave it to Sho to hold along with three other stuffed animals, which were designated as Sho, Nino, and Touma (there was only one left after that, and she said it was only polite that it was Jun instead of Hiroshi).
That left Jun with his own animal, seated across from Sho, where he had been watching things at the ceremony. Koharu sat between them, holding Aiba and Ohno, humming the wedding march as she walked them down the makeshift aisle together. From there she shifted her position so that she was sitting in front of the two bears, acting as the priest.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…” she started, but trailed off. She probably couldn’t remember the rest, and Jun suspicions were confirmed a moment later when she turned to him for help. He didn’t remember either, since he had been so distracted, but he made something up, whispering to her while she repeated it.
When he caught Sho’s eye, the other man looked on the verge of laughter, the same expression that had been on his face the other day. It had completely caught Jun off guard, and at that moment he had fallen in love all over again, even if he tried to resist the feeling. But maybe it had been for the best, since it had pushed him into taking some sort of action, knowing that Sho might still want him.
“Next is the speeches,” Jun prompted, even though he probably didn’t need to, and was surprised that Koharu remembered most of the one Aiba had given to Ohno.
The two bears faced each other as she began to speak again, in a slightly lower imitation of her father.
“Dearest Satoshi. I knew from the moment I met you that you were made for me, but I didn’t think that we would ever be able to be together like this. It took a lot of work but here we are. Let’s stay this way for as long as you can put up with me. Satoshi, I’ll love you forever, until we’re both old and gray and watching Koharu getting married just like us. Thank you for everything!” she finished, then added her own original ending. “Tonight we will be naked together because Haru-chan is having a sleepover with Jun-chan and Sho-chan, but don’t worry! We will bring her back lots of presents and good things to eat.”
Sho shook a little with silent laughter, and Jun couldn’t help but smile too. Koharu also remembered Ohno’s speech, which came right after Aiba’s, but it was considerably shorter.
“Masaki,” Koharu said in a calm voice, moving the bear that was supposed to be Ohno back and forth a little. “I love you, too. I always will.”
There was a short pause, then she added, “I will catch a lot of fish for Haru-chan because I love her too.”
Finally, she straightened her back and cleared her throat. Jun was sure she wouldn’t remember the priest’s speech after that, and as expected she just skipped right to the good part.
“You may now kiss the husband.” He found her wording amusing, but didn’t say anything as she pressed the noses of the bears together, and then turned them around to walk back down the aisle, moving Aiba’s hand in a wave to the invisible audience.
“Wow, Koharu! You sure remembered a lot,” Sho praised, placing his stuffed animals against the bottom of the couch next to him. Koharu gave him a pleased smile, then crawled over to lean against his side happily, still holding her two bears. She motioned Jun to join them with an expectant look, knowing just what kind of power she held over him, no matter the situation.
After settling on her other side and allowing her to take his hand, Jun tried to distract her. Although she was valiantly trying to hide it, she was missing her usual house mates, and Jun knew just how left out she felt without them here, despite the fact that they had tried so hard to involve her in the wedding.
“They recorded everything. I could probably get a raw copy of the whole thing tomorrow if you want to watch it, Haru.”
“Yeah! Except for that speech part. It was pretty boring.”
“We can fast-forward it,” Jun assured her, and felt relieved to see her eyes finally drooping. “And tomorrow we’re going to play games with Nino, remember?” There was already a schedule of things for them to do until Ohno and Aiba returned, and Jun wasn’t prepared to give Koharu a lot of free time to miss them.
Sho hadn’t exactly been part of the plan, but Jun had purposefully kept things flexible, just in case. He was certainly glad he had done so now, and snuck a glance at Sho to read the situation. Koharu was resting her head on his arm, eyes fluttering open and closed, and Sho met his eyes with a question of whether they should let her go, or prompt her to get ready for bed.
“Koharu?” Jun asked softly, pushing some hair out of her face, and the little girl jerked a little, sluggishly looking over at him. “Let’s get your pajamas on.”
“Papa says you can sleep in his bed. Or there’s a… futon,” she said automatically, yawning halfway through.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that later. Let’s take care of you first.”
He helped her up, and Sho followed a few feet behind as they made their way into her room, where Jun helped her change out of the small wedding dress and into her pajamas. He hung up the dress in her closet properly, and kissed her on the forehead just like Aiba did every night.
“We’ll be nearby if you need anything,” he assured her as she made herself comfortable under the blankets.
“Okay,” she said sleepily, her eyes already half closed.
“Goodnight Koharu,” Sho said, standing near the door.
“’Night Sho-chan. Goodnight Jun-chan,” she yawned again, then allowed herself to immediately succumb to sleep.
With her pink nightlight on in the corner, the two of them closed her door and automatically checked the rest of the house. Jun purposefully avoided setting up their own sleeping arrangements, because he wasn’t ready to breach the subject yet, and loitered in the kitchen until Sho took a seat on the couch.
Hoping he wasn’t being too obvious, Jun joined him, giving a good foot of distance between them.
He began examining his nails, a nervous habit that dated all the way back to his elementary days, and was able to bring himself to casually say, “So Nino says you’re going to France next.”
If Sho was caught off guard by the direct topic, he didn’t show it. Just looked at the blank TV screen and forced a conversational tone. “That’s right. I made the final plans with my boss last week. I need to take care of moving my stuff but…”
The statement tapered off, and Jun allowed a moment’s relief before continuing, “Did you buy your ticket yet?”
“Not yet. I thought I’d… see how things played out,” Sho said careful, and Jun heard the underlying meaning loud and clear. He just hoped it was, see if there was a chance for us, and not, see if I could stand being around you or not.
“And how are they?” Jun managed to ask with some degree of coolness, not giving his emotions away, although maybe it was a good time for that.
Sho shot him a quick glance, probably wondering what he was trying to get at. He replied with a question instead of an answer.
“What is it you want, Jun?”
There it was. His opening. Now the real test was whether he had the courage to say what he had to, and make the only choice that seemed right anymore.
Squeezing his eyes shut for just a second, he took a deep breath before turning to Sho, whose eyes widened a bit at Jun’s serious demeanor.
“Don’t go to France.”
Sho didn’t respond immediately, and Jun saw shock flicker across his face along with relief and something else he couldn’t name. Then they all melded together into a cold look, and Jun knew exactly what was coming next: Jun had no right to demand something like that of him anymore.
“Or at least-“ he quickly added before Sho could tell him off, “Take me with you this time.”
Jun’s pride completely crumbled with those words and he felt more pathetic than he ever had before. Even more than the nights he had spent at home in his own bed, staring at the wall and thinking of nothing but Sho.
He averted his gaze from Sho’s piercing eyes and stared down at his hands again.
As the second ticked by, Sho still didn’t say anything, just continued stare at him as if that would tell him what he wanted to know. But Jun knew it was only up to him to do that. Just like Nino had said.
“Don’t leave me alone again,” he pleaded in a small voice. That must have been the explanation that Sho was searching for, because he finally looked away, back to the blank TV, and sighed.
Jun glanced at him, finding that the filter Sho had been using was gone and his emotions were finally ones that Jun understood, primarily because he had felt the same loneliness that Sho had over the course of the last year.
“It’s too late, Jun,” he finally said, with some hesitation. “I already took the job. I can’t stay here. I’m leaving in a few weeks.”
Those words made his heart pound. They weren’t a rejection, just simple facts that let Jun know that Sho was thinking about it, and trying to work with him.
“Then, take me with you,” Jun repeated.
“I…” Sho let out in a shaky tone, then dropped his head into his hand in exasperation. “What about Ohno? And Aiba and Koharu? I know you won’t leave them. Not to come with me.”
Sho knew how to hit home. Jun swallowed and forced the words out.
“If it was you, I would.”
A bitter laugh was the reply he got, and Sho threw himself back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “That didn’t seem to make a difference the first time.”
“I was stupid,” Jun admitted, trying to keep his voice humble to avoid an argument. “I thought you would come back, but you didn’t.” There was a pause before he added, “I’m not going to let that happen again. Even if it means giving up other things.”
As Jun’s eyes dropped back down to his hands, Sho leaned forward again, facing him.
“You’re not the only stupid one. I shouldn’t have forced a decision like that on you in the first place.”
He was tentatively reaching out, and Jun met him halfway, taking Sho’s hand in his far too tightly but unable to loosen his grip. Closing the distance between them, Jun buried his face in Sho’s shoulder, not wanting to take too much liberty, but craving Sho’s touch and smell.
Sho responded, leaning his head down to rest his chin in Jun’s hair. They savored the peaceful moment briefly, before Sho asked the next obvious question. “What about your job, Jun?”
At least that was something he’d already planned out before he’d made his rash decision to get Sho back no matter what he had to do. “I’ll manage Ohno from France until I can find someone else.”
The words sat in his stomach like a block of ice, but it was nothing compared to just thinking of Sho leaving him a second time. Besides, it wasn’t like he would never see the small family again; Sho had made it work until now, and Jun had plenty of money saved up to visit them as often as he wished.
Sho no doubt understood how hard it was to give up his job, though, the prestige he had built from scratch for Ohno and himself. And because of that he didn’t press Jun any further, didn’t ask for confirmation or to rethink his offer.
“I’m honestly not sure, Jun.” Sho’s other hand came to hesitantly rest on his arm. “I already submitted all the paperwork to move. I didn’t tell them anyone was coming with me.”
That was understandable. It was Jun’s fault for waiting too long and being too much of a coward to bring it up before now. He could really kick himself in the ass right now, for being so afraid and taking so long to bring them back together.
“Then can we at least pretend everything is alright? Just for tonight?” There would be time to work things out later, even if it was Jun following him weeks after Sho had already settled in France. If they had the same goal in mind, things would work out.
But right now Jun was exhausted. Not only from the wedding, but finally letting go of the tension he had been carrying around, wondering if Sho really hated him for what had happened before he had left. It seemed like they were going to have to start all over again, but Jun thought he could do it if Sho was here with him, like this.
“Yes,” Sho let out, his own fatigue evident, and he finally embraced Jun completely.
+++
They had eventually laid out Aiba’s futon on the living room floor, and after a few minutes of uncertainty, settled against each other until they were comfortable, and promptly fell asleep.
For a brief moment sometime in the early morning, Jun felt Koharu crawl on top of him, but she didn’t wake him up with a problem, so he let her do as he pleased. With only a slightly lull in his sleeping patterns, he fell back asleep immediately.
All three of them slept late into the morning, and that was exactly as Nino found them when he waltzed in the front door with an arm full of videogames.
Koharu was the first one up, excitedly bouncing around him in her pajamas, asking if he’d brought ‘the princess one.’ Sho and Jun sat up together, scooting away from each other slightly and unable to meet gazes. Even though they had formed some truce the night before, Nino had not needed to see the way that Jun had been firmly holding Sho in his arms. They would never hear the end of it, and by the blush on Sho’s face he thought the same.
Since he hadn’t prepared his own, Sho had borrowed a pair of Ohno’s pajamas, and he rushed into the newlywed’s bedroom in order to change. Jun went the opposite way towards the bathroom, having brought everything he thought he might need for watching Koharu. Splitting up had forced Nino to make a choice, though, and once he handed Koharu all the games, he made a bee-line for Jun, pushing himself in the way when Jun tried to close the bathroom door behind him.
“Have a good night?” Nino asked with a satisfied smirk, and Jun just frowned at him, reaching for his toothbrush and trying to ignore the words. Jun wouldn’t deny that it was thanks to Nino that he had managed to get on the right track to fixing things with Sho, but he also hated the way that Nino gloated.
“It’s not what you think,” Jun told him right before shoving his toothbrush into his mouth.
“Because I was really thinking that you would be rash enough for hot make-up sex in Aiba’s living room, assuming you actually put Koharu to bed properly last night.”
Jun tried to say, I did! But his mouth was a gob of toothpaste, so he just glared at Nino through the mirror instead.
From the beginning, Nino had been convinced that all of this was going to play out perfectly, and through his minute of reprieve Jun tried to think of a tactful way to break the news. At least it would wipe that self-satisfied grin off of his face, even if Jun wouldn’t mind putting up with it if it meant that Sho was honestly and truly his again.
Once he rinsed his mouth, he gave Nino another level look in the mirror, then turned to him seriously. “He said he wasn’t sure.”
“What?” Nino’s expression crumbled, as predicted, and his eyebrows knitted together in concern. “What do you mean?”
“I asked him to stay here, and he said he couldn’t,” Jun stated quickly. “So I asked him to take me to France with him.” He didn’t feel it was necessary to add, just like you told me to.
“And?” Nino prompted with an incredulous look.
“He said he wasn’t sure,” Jun repeated quietly, leaning against the wall of the bathroom. “That he’d already made arrangements and didn’t think it would be so easy for me to just pick up and move with him.”
Nino averted his eyes, and Jun could see the gears started to twist in his head. Nino had been there for both of them through their problem, but even he wasn’t a miracle worker.
“And he asked about Ohno. If I could leave him. And Aiba and Koharu,” he put in, just in case.
“Sho’s always had a complex about that. Can’t believe you didn’t see it before-“
Jun opened his mouth to haughtily argue back-that Sho should have said something if it bothered him so much, and what was wrong with doting on Ohno when he needed it, and that it wasn’t Nino’s business anyway-but before he even realized that all of those excuses weren’t really valid anymore, Koharu finally found them and their conversation stopped cold.
“Pancakes! You promised pancakes for breakfast, Jun-chan!”
He forced a smile at the little girl as she began tugging on Nino’s arm to pull him into the kitchen.
“I did, didn’t I? Well, let’s get started then!”
Sho had changed into his clothes from the day before and was waiting awkwardly at the table. It appeared he had reverted back to his previous aloof self, like before Jun had confessed his feelings all over again. But he stood to join them in the kitchen, watching Jun and Koharu collect ingredients. And when he walked past, he brushed his hand against Jun’s.
Distracting himself with cooking was easy enough, especially with Koharu there to help him.
“Jun-chan, do you think that papa and Oh-chan are still being naked together?”
A smile spread across his face. “They might be, Koharu. But I’m sure they’re just trying to get it out of the way so that they can spend more time with you,” he replied easily, then diverted her attention with mixing ingredients together. If she thought about them too much she would become melancholy, and that was the last thing Jun needed with the mood he was in this morning.
Meanwhile Nino had pushed Sho over to the kitchen table, and the two talked in hushed tones while Jun and Koharu made enough food for a small army. Even when they were finished, Jun bought Nino more time by showing Koharu how to make faces with chocolate syrup, and kept her by his side until the last possible moment.
“Look what I made!”she squealed, running over to the table and drawing the attention of the two other men. “It’s Nino!” The chocolate hadn’t come out very consistently, but Jun had to applaud her effort (even if his mole was closer to a beard).
After placing the pancake in front of Nino at the table, she ran back into the kitchen and got the next one. “And this one is Sho-chan!” That drew a laugh from the recipient, since the top half of the pancake was just scribbles of chocolate hair.
Once again, she gave Sho the plate, then ran back into the kitchen, handing Jun his own, and getting another before pulling him back with her. “And see? This one is me and Jun-chan!” There were actually another three in the kitchen-Aiba, Ohno, and Touma-which Jun promised they would wrap up for them later on.
Jun thought he knew what they had been talking about, but Sho’s calm expression hadn’t changed, and Nino looked slightly put off, which meant that Sho had probably told him exactly what he’d told Jun the night before. Jun appreciated Nino’s help, though, and was determined to make things work out, even if it took some time. Thinking like that, he tried to cheer himself up, and managed to forget about it for a little while. Having Sho next to him again, laughing along with Koharu and glancing over at him every few minutes, really helped with that.
Once they were finished-more than breakfast it had turned into lunch-they began cleaning up, Jun and Sho taking the dishes into the kitchen while Nino and Koharu began setting up the video game system that Nino had brought along with him.
Trying to buy another minute next to Sho, since he could already see where the day was going, Jun began rinsing the dishes piled in the sink. He was glad for his decision when Sho came closer to help him and bumped their arms together.
“I missed you,” Sho said softly, looking down. “I missed this.”
Jun glanced over at him as a jolt ran up his spine, grateful that Sho was making an effort to reciprocate. As if Jun’s speech the night before wasn’t enough to embarrass him, he honestly wasn’t sure how much he could take from Sho until he pushed it too far.
“I missed you too,” he replied just as quietly, and looked past Sho’s shoulder to make sure the other two were busy with the TV. His gaze shifted to Sho, who was finally looking at him with a familiar expression, their bodies automatically aligning as the intimate air around them pushed them together. “I missed you so much,” he repeated with a little more emotion before leaning forward to kiss him.
It was a light kiss. It was hesitant and asking, and Jun was sure that he had never kissed Sho in such a way before. He could feel every subtle noise that Sho made: his interrupted breath, the shift of his shirt, the almost silent press of their lips. Jun’s arms began shaking slightly, and he pulled back. The message of the kiss wasn’t supposed to be sexual, after all, and he had probably pushed the line that was between them. A fading line, but one nonetheless.
“You’ll stay with us today, right?” Jun asked. He didn’t want Sho to think that he was expecting something more because of that kiss, whether it was words or actions.
“Of course.” Sho’s whole demeanor had softened and he was distractedly looking at Jun’s lips. He collected himself, though, and turned back to the sink to finish cleaning off the dishes.
Jun was about to do the same, a comfortable nostalgic feeling taking over the doubt in his chest, then he saw Nino and Koharu watching them intently, half hidden behind the counter separating the kitchen from the living room.
+++
Final 2/2
Curse you livejournal and your word count
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Jun/Sho, Aiba/Ohno, Touma/Nino
Genre: Romance, angst(?), AU
Disclaimer: I guess Johnny’s technically owns Arashi, huh? Not me.
Summary: At Ohno and Aiba's wedding, Jun and Sho face confrontation. Although they had only ever had one serious argument over their some-odd three years of dating, it had been the one that they couldn't get over either.
Notes: Sequel/epilogue to my long Aiba/Ohno series Paint, Film, and Stuffed Animals, but can be read as a standalone. Koharu is Aiba's adopted daughter (somewhat borrowed from My Girl).
Part one
Jun had spent so much time over the last few weeks worrying about the wedding, planning, checking, double-checking, asking questions, reprimanding Aiba, giving advice to Ohno, babysitting Koharu… that when it had actually started, when every single thing was in place and the two of them were standing in front of the chapel exchanging vows in their white suits, he felt emptied.
Because he had been so involved in the planning, he declined to be part of the wedding train and instead opted to watch everything by the wall, making sure there were no snags to the day that would mark the two of them as married, at least as much as they could be with the current legal system. He was happy, almost like a father giving away his son (although he was close to Aiba-chan too, now, and he was far from Ohno’s father).
Everything was perfect, and as long as his plans continued to be followed, it would continue to be that way. They had had a fantastic dinner last night with almost everyone that was here in the rows of seats facing the wedding display up front, essentially immediate family and a few close friends. And when the ceremony was complete Ohno and Aiba would leave right away to head to the ocean, where Jun had booked them the largest suite he could find as well as a five star dinner on a yacht. Although he had been worried that Satoshi would lose himself in fishing rather than enjoying the free time with Aiba. But it was their honey moon and Jun wouldn’t tell them how to spend it.
Despite not being in the wedding train, he was still wearing the same blue corsages as the rest of the “best men” that were attending: Nino and Touma in basic black suits, Aiba’s little brother (whom Jun hadn’t met until last week at the rehearsal), Hiroshi (whom had been invited for Koharu’s sake), and of course, Sho.
Once Jun’s eyes fell on him--standing awkwardly next to Nino and watching Ohno and Aiba while they waited for the priest’s speech to finish-- they didn’t leave him.
As expected, he was different from when he had left Japan. Not only his appearance-his slightly shaggy hair, thinned body, darkened skin-that part was obvious, but it had taken a few meetings until Jun had realized that he had become more serious too, and independent.
And that he wasn’t going to ask for Jun back.
That part probably hurt the most. Of course he understood that they had broken up, that they were no longer obligated to each other as lovers were, and even after time had passed and they had both cooled off, Sho hadn’t returned. But even if his brain got that part, the rest of him didn’t. Instead it simply felt like Sho had been on a business trip-a very long one-and had just gotten back. Like Jun was waiting for him to settle into his old habits before pouncing on him.
Even though they weren’t talking.
At all.
They could barely look at each other through all the tension between them.
While he was gone, Jun hadn’t started seeing anyone else. He hadn’t even thought about it. It was like nothing had changed except that Sho never came over to his apartment anymore, even though Jun was always waiting for him to, and that they didn’t talk about him anymore, because whenever anyone mentioned America it seemed like a lie.
He had thought about calling him, or emailing him, trying to make things right about their argument, but he could never bring himself to. It wasn’t like he could just say, listen, let’s talk about this, why don’t you come for dinner? It was much more complicated than that, and trying to force that step was like admitting that Sho had actually left him and was never coming back.
But he had come back, although Nino had already told him he was going to France next, that this wasn’t permanent and that his time to repair things was limited.
During that conversation, Nino had said a lot of things. It was rather insightful for Jun (although he would never admit that to Nino), and a fresh perspective on the fight that had torn the two of them apart that year ago.
When Sho had brought up the topic so nonchalantly, like he was asking what they would be having for dinner, Jun was shocked at first, then furious.
Moving? To America? This was something the two of them needed to discuss from the beginning, when he had first heard of it. He should have said, Listen, Jun, there is a slight possibility that I need to go to America. I know it’s sudden and I wanted you to be the first to know so we could talk about it and make a plan together. Because you are the most important person to me and I need to know what you think.
Instead it had been a flippant half-assed question and that’s why Jun had replied the way he had. He knew it was rude and had shocked Sho, but Sho had shocked him first so it was only fair.
(Nino had explained this away later by saying that Sho didn’t know how to breach the subject and had made a mistake, and that indeed he was thinking about Jun, even if it hadn’t appeared that way.)
Sho had tried again. Jun knew he had tried again, to bring up the topic more seriously, to give him all the details he wanted, to be kind about it and ask for his opinion. But by then the thought of Sho leaving had settled so deeply into his stomach, making everything he ate taste rancid and causing even Ohno to start avoiding him, and he had spat out those words that he had regretted every day since.
“Maybe this isn’t going to work between us, then.”
And now Sho was back, just outside of his grasp, and despite the fact that he was acting cool towards Jun, there was a chance and Jun needed to take it before Sho left again. He knew what he needed to say and now, after a year of waiting, he was willing to put his pride aside, willing to make the sacrifices he didn’t have time to think about back then.
(Nino had told him that Sho didn’t know what Jun was feeling-why should he? They hadn’t talked in a year. Jun must have moved on already. They were simply getting together for a friend’s wedding. Sho didn’t know Jun’s feelings, but Jun did. And so the only way that Sho would know was if Jun told him.)
The hole that Sho had left was more apparent now than when he was actually gone, because at least when he was gone Jun had hoped that he would come back-but now he was back and not his. And Jun was terrified of that.
He had spent his time pretending that everything was okay, occupying himself with the wedding and what needed to be finished, and trying to tell himself that something would happen, things would fall back into place and they would talk about this and make up and work something out.
It was just that the opportunity hadn’t shown up yet. Ohno or Aiba or Koharu or Nino were always with them, or there were other things more pressing (even though he knew he was running out of time), or the words didn’t come, or Jun was overtaken with an abnormal sense of unease. But Jun realized this was an excuse. He could have made an opportunity… if he wasn’t so scared about the whole thing he would have by now, if he was in his usual state. He could have offered to drive Sho back to Nino’s, or asked him out for dinner, or even requested Nino to do something to get them alone, because he no doubt would have.
But he didn’t do any of these things and it was only a matter of time until Sho left again.
(Nino had said, The problem is neither of you are compromising. You want it your way and Sho wants it his way. If you want things to work, that’s where you need to begin. If you want to be with him, maybe you need to start learning French.)
He wasn’t only terrified of Sho leaving him again, but also of what would happen if Jun decided to take that step, to completely give up for the person he wanted, to leave his life as he knew it just so he wouldn’t have to experience the pain of a world without Sho in it anymore. France was just as distant as America as far as he was concerned, away from Ohno, Aiba, and Koharu and everything else he loved.
Except Sho. He could be with Sho.
But at this point he wasn’t even sure what Sho’s reaction would be, if he would accept him with open arms and things would go back to the way they used to be… or if he would never be forgiven for what he had said, for not trying harder to keep Sho in his arms while he still had him.
The wedding hall exploded in cheering as Aiba leaned down to give Ohno a firm kiss on the lips, and Jun realized that he had missed most of the ceremony that he had put so much effort into while staring at Sho and mulling over the mess that had made of his life.
Peppy music started playing in the background as the pair turned towards the audience, Aiba waving one arm widely and thanking people for coming while the other held onto Ohno’s hand. The artist was getting caught up in his boyfriend’s-husband’s enthusiasm, and the two of them started back down the aisle with Koharu breaking the line to promptly follow them. Jun came back to himself and dashed to the rear of the room to sneak out the side door and grab the flower petals that he and Koharu were supposed to throw at them while they got into the limo waiting to sweep them away to the beach.
Clad in a lacy white dress with a small tiara (that Jun had purchased for her while they were getting her fitted), Koharu ran over to him the second she followed the newlywed couple out of the main doors into the foyer. Ohno and Aiba paused for just a moment, as the rest of the wedding party made their way out behind them, and took just enough time for a few quick congratulations, allowing Jun and Koharu (and, actually, the rest of them as well, include Nino, Touma, and Aiba’s brother) to slip outside to prepare.
They barely had time before Aiba was pulling Ohno down the steps out front, making a spectacle for anyone who happened to walk by. Then it was a contest to see who could throw the most flower petals, and how high. Giggles resounded in the air, mostly from Koharu, but Aiba was also distinguishable in there, and Jun couldn’t help but smile as he watched his two friends wind down the short pathway to the waiting car, and then as they waved one more time before disappearing inside of it.
Koharu started calling out to them as the limo took off, following a few feet at a run to make sure they didn’t forget to bring her something back and promising to be good. Aiba rolled down the window to respond, but his voice couldn’t be heard over the crowd, so he just smiled and laughed again, looking back into the car at Ohno before blowing her a kiss and ducking back inside.
As soon as the car was gone, Jun felt satisfaction at everything going so well, but that feeling was quickly draining out of him like water down a shower drain. He turned back to the building with a sigh, thinking about what he needed to do before he could take Koharu home and hopefully spend a quiet night recovering.
People began trickling out from there, going to their cars from the lawn, and since there weren’t many in the first place, Jun thought he could spare the energy to stand there and thank them for coming. He chatted with the first person to approach him for five full minutes until Touma interrupted them with a knowing smile.
After pulling him aside he chuckled, “Take Koharu and go, would you? You look exhausted and you must be now that it’s all over.”
Jun tried to argue, to follow the event through until the last moment, but first of all he didn’t have the energy to do so, and second of all, Koharu was probably just as tired as he was, only she wouldn’t be able to push herself like the years of experience had allowed Jun to.
So he sighed and gave up, wandering over to where the girl was getting caught in the moving crowd (although she didn’t look distraught about it at all and was in fact complaining to herself once again that they had left without her), and managed get her attention.
“Haru-chan, it’s over now. Let’s go home, okay?”
For just a second she looked confused, then obviously remember that she was having a sleep over with Jun tonight because neither of her parents would be there, and smiled at him.
“Okay! I’ll get Sho-chan!”
She darted off before Jun could make sense of her words, and then he furrowed his brows before realizing that, in fact, Koharu probably didn’t understand the concept of the two of them not being together, and assumed that if Jun was coming that Sho was too. Even though their relationship had been tense since Sho had returned, it’s not like they had argued or anything, and had even been together at Masaki’s house together a few times. For such a young girl, she must have not realized it was any different than how it had been before Sho left.
She was gone already and there was nothing he could do about it, so instead he double checked what he was able to from where he was at. It seemed like Touma was taking care of things as he promised, and even Nino was helping out (although that really only consisted of him pushily telling people to go home already because the show was over).
And then Jun saw him, looking confusing and bobbing through the crowd, being pulled by Koharu who was still too short to be seen until they were right next to him, and he knew now that it would be impossible to tell her how things really were, how the world worked when you were a grown up.
Their eyes met as Sho came to a stop, realization dawning on his face, and he looked uncomfortable to some degree, hurt, and Jun couldn’t stop his heart from aching just like it had the day that Sho had left him for America.
He stared down at Koharu, knowing that the sadness was showing on his face, and Koharu finally seemed to realize that she had made a mistake, the bright smile dropping instantly.
“Isn’t Sho-chan coming with us?”
Forcing a better expression and glancing at Sho as quickly as he could, trying not to get drawn into the familiar eyes, he chose the best answer available, wondering if this was the chance he’d been waiting for.
“If he wants to, he’s welcome.”
Koharu was instantly relieved, smiling again and swinging her hand that was still attached to Sho’s, and he gave her a tense smile too, rubbing the back of his head comically. Jun still knew him well enough to realize he was trying to come up with an excuse to say no without making Koharu upset again.
And then he looked back at Jun, and they connected like magnets, unable to look away from each other.
Sho’s features melted into a neutral expression, no longer tense but not exactly pleased either, a look Jun used to be able to accurately interpret depending on the situation (although now he had absolutely no idea or even a place to start). But his eyes were thoughtful and probing, trying to figure Jun out.
So Jun let him, silently begging him to say okay, to give into Koharu’s request and come with them and give him a chance, although his own face was neutral, mirroring Sho.
Finally Sho managed to break away as Koharu demanded his attention with a tug on his shirt and he smiled down at her once more, this time much more genuine.
“Just let me get my stuff, okay? I’ll be right back.”
Jun let out a shaky breath as Sho turned away from them to dart inside the building, and he managed to catch Nino’s eye, the trademark smirk on his lips and his hand raised in a salute.
+++
It seemed like things might be okay.
They had a quiet dinner of leftover fried rice made by Ohno the day before, the two men allowing Koharu to lead the conversation. She talked about the wedding mostly, about the presents she’d gotten from Grandma Aiba, and a distant cousin she had met for the first time.
The more she talked, the more Sho visibly relaxed, and Jun did too. Koharu was easy. Koharu was something that he still understood without effort; just like Sho used to be.
After cleaning up, Koharu had a spurt of energy, despite being tired from the excitement she had been dealing with all day-actually, Jun was surprised she hadn’t passed out on the way home, but if she wanted to keep going, he would let her. With Sho’s help, they rearranged the living area so that it resembled the wedding hall, and Koharu pulled out her stuffed animals. She had an assortment of wedding dresses and tuxedos that she had collected ever since Aiba had announced the wedding, and had played with so much that they were on their way to wearing out. Jun already had each of them memorized, which outfit would fit which toy and the ones Koharu had chosen as Aiba’s and Ohno’s.
She wanted to reenact the ceremony, and they both humored her, helping her dress bears in tuxedos, and a small cat in a white dress that probably had belonged to a doll at some point. The cat turned out to be herself, and she gave it to Sho to hold along with three other stuffed animals, which were designated as Sho, Nino, and Touma (there was only one left after that, and she said it was only polite that it was Jun instead of Hiroshi).
That left Jun with his own animal, seated across from Sho, where he had been watching things at the ceremony. Koharu sat between them, holding Aiba and Ohno, humming the wedding march as she walked them down the makeshift aisle together. From there she shifted her position so that she was sitting in front of the two bears, acting as the priest.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…” she started, but trailed off. She probably couldn’t remember the rest, and Jun suspicions were confirmed a moment later when she turned to him for help. He didn’t remember either, since he had been so distracted, but he made something up, whispering to her while she repeated it.
When he caught Sho’s eye, the other man looked on the verge of laughter, the same expression that had been on his face the other day. It had completely caught Jun off guard, and at that moment he had fallen in love all over again, even if he tried to resist the feeling. But maybe it had been for the best, since it had pushed him into taking some sort of action, knowing that Sho might still want him.
“Next is the speeches,” Jun prompted, even though he probably didn’t need to, and was surprised that Koharu remembered most of the one Aiba had given to Ohno.
The two bears faced each other as she began to speak again, in a slightly lower imitation of her father.
“Dearest Satoshi. I knew from the moment I met you that you were made for me, but I didn’t think that we would ever be able to be together like this. It took a lot of work but here we are. Let’s stay this way for as long as you can put up with me. Satoshi, I’ll love you forever, until we’re both old and gray and watching Koharu getting married just like us. Thank you for everything!” she finished, then added her own original ending. “Tonight we will be naked together because Haru-chan is having a sleepover with Jun-chan and Sho-chan, but don’t worry! We will bring her back lots of presents and good things to eat.”
Sho shook a little with silent laughter, and Jun couldn’t help but smile too. Koharu also remembered Ohno’s speech, which came right after Aiba’s, but it was considerably shorter.
“Masaki,” Koharu said in a calm voice, moving the bear that was supposed to be Ohno back and forth a little. “I love you, too. I always will.”
There was a short pause, then she added, “I will catch a lot of fish for Haru-chan because I love her too.”
Finally, she straightened her back and cleared her throat. Jun was sure she wouldn’t remember the priest’s speech after that, and as expected she just skipped right to the good part.
“You may now kiss the husband.” He found her wording amusing, but didn’t say anything as she pressed the noses of the bears together, and then turned them around to walk back down the aisle, moving Aiba’s hand in a wave to the invisible audience.
“Wow, Koharu! You sure remembered a lot,” Sho praised, placing his stuffed animals against the bottom of the couch next to him. Koharu gave him a pleased smile, then crawled over to lean against his side happily, still holding her two bears. She motioned Jun to join them with an expectant look, knowing just what kind of power she held over him, no matter the situation.
After settling on her other side and allowing her to take his hand, Jun tried to distract her. Although she was valiantly trying to hide it, she was missing her usual house mates, and Jun knew just how left out she felt without them here, despite the fact that they had tried so hard to involve her in the wedding.
“They recorded everything. I could probably get a raw copy of the whole thing tomorrow if you want to watch it, Haru.”
“Yeah! Except for that speech part. It was pretty boring.”
“We can fast-forward it,” Jun assured her, and felt relieved to see her eyes finally drooping. “And tomorrow we’re going to play games with Nino, remember?” There was already a schedule of things for them to do until Ohno and Aiba returned, and Jun wasn’t prepared to give Koharu a lot of free time to miss them.
Sho hadn’t exactly been part of the plan, but Jun had purposefully kept things flexible, just in case. He was certainly glad he had done so now, and snuck a glance at Sho to read the situation. Koharu was resting her head on his arm, eyes fluttering open and closed, and Sho met his eyes with a question of whether they should let her go, or prompt her to get ready for bed.
“Koharu?” Jun asked softly, pushing some hair out of her face, and the little girl jerked a little, sluggishly looking over at him. “Let’s get your pajamas on.”
“Papa says you can sleep in his bed. Or there’s a… futon,” she said automatically, yawning halfway through.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that later. Let’s take care of you first.”
He helped her up, and Sho followed a few feet behind as they made their way into her room, where Jun helped her change out of the small wedding dress and into her pajamas. He hung up the dress in her closet properly, and kissed her on the forehead just like Aiba did every night.
“We’ll be nearby if you need anything,” he assured her as she made herself comfortable under the blankets.
“Okay,” she said sleepily, her eyes already half closed.
“Goodnight Koharu,” Sho said, standing near the door.
“’Night Sho-chan. Goodnight Jun-chan,” she yawned again, then allowed herself to immediately succumb to sleep.
With her pink nightlight on in the corner, the two of them closed her door and automatically checked the rest of the house. Jun purposefully avoided setting up their own sleeping arrangements, because he wasn’t ready to breach the subject yet, and loitered in the kitchen until Sho took a seat on the couch.
Hoping he wasn’t being too obvious, Jun joined him, giving a good foot of distance between them.
He began examining his nails, a nervous habit that dated all the way back to his elementary days, and was able to bring himself to casually say, “So Nino says you’re going to France next.”
If Sho was caught off guard by the direct topic, he didn’t show it. Just looked at the blank TV screen and forced a conversational tone. “That’s right. I made the final plans with my boss last week. I need to take care of moving my stuff but…”
The statement tapered off, and Jun allowed a moment’s relief before continuing, “Did you buy your ticket yet?”
“Not yet. I thought I’d… see how things played out,” Sho said careful, and Jun heard the underlying meaning loud and clear. He just hoped it was, see if there was a chance for us, and not, see if I could stand being around you or not.
“And how are they?” Jun managed to ask with some degree of coolness, not giving his emotions away, although maybe it was a good time for that.
Sho shot him a quick glance, probably wondering what he was trying to get at. He replied with a question instead of an answer.
“What is it you want, Jun?”
There it was. His opening. Now the real test was whether he had the courage to say what he had to, and make the only choice that seemed right anymore.
Squeezing his eyes shut for just a second, he took a deep breath before turning to Sho, whose eyes widened a bit at Jun’s serious demeanor.
“Don’t go to France.”
Sho didn’t respond immediately, and Jun saw shock flicker across his face along with relief and something else he couldn’t name. Then they all melded together into a cold look, and Jun knew exactly what was coming next: Jun had no right to demand something like that of him anymore.
“Or at least-“ he quickly added before Sho could tell him off, “Take me with you this time.”
Jun’s pride completely crumbled with those words and he felt more pathetic than he ever had before. Even more than the nights he had spent at home in his own bed, staring at the wall and thinking of nothing but Sho.
He averted his gaze from Sho’s piercing eyes and stared down at his hands again.
As the second ticked by, Sho still didn’t say anything, just continued stare at him as if that would tell him what he wanted to know. But Jun knew it was only up to him to do that. Just like Nino had said.
“Don’t leave me alone again,” he pleaded in a small voice. That must have been the explanation that Sho was searching for, because he finally looked away, back to the blank TV, and sighed.
Jun glanced at him, finding that the filter Sho had been using was gone and his emotions were finally ones that Jun understood, primarily because he had felt the same loneliness that Sho had over the course of the last year.
“It’s too late, Jun,” he finally said, with some hesitation. “I already took the job. I can’t stay here. I’m leaving in a few weeks.”
Those words made his heart pound. They weren’t a rejection, just simple facts that let Jun know that Sho was thinking about it, and trying to work with him.
“Then, take me with you,” Jun repeated.
“I…” Sho let out in a shaky tone, then dropped his head into his hand in exasperation. “What about Ohno? And Aiba and Koharu? I know you won’t leave them. Not to come with me.”
Sho knew how to hit home. Jun swallowed and forced the words out.
“If it was you, I would.”
A bitter laugh was the reply he got, and Sho threw himself back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “That didn’t seem to make a difference the first time.”
“I was stupid,” Jun admitted, trying to keep his voice humble to avoid an argument. “I thought you would come back, but you didn’t.” There was a pause before he added, “I’m not going to let that happen again. Even if it means giving up other things.”
As Jun’s eyes dropped back down to his hands, Sho leaned forward again, facing him.
“You’re not the only stupid one. I shouldn’t have forced a decision like that on you in the first place.”
He was tentatively reaching out, and Jun met him halfway, taking Sho’s hand in his far too tightly but unable to loosen his grip. Closing the distance between them, Jun buried his face in Sho’s shoulder, not wanting to take too much liberty, but craving Sho’s touch and smell.
Sho responded, leaning his head down to rest his chin in Jun’s hair. They savored the peaceful moment briefly, before Sho asked the next obvious question. “What about your job, Jun?”
At least that was something he’d already planned out before he’d made his rash decision to get Sho back no matter what he had to do. “I’ll manage Ohno from France until I can find someone else.”
The words sat in his stomach like a block of ice, but it was nothing compared to just thinking of Sho leaving him a second time. Besides, it wasn’t like he would never see the small family again; Sho had made it work until now, and Jun had plenty of money saved up to visit them as often as he wished.
Sho no doubt understood how hard it was to give up his job, though, the prestige he had built from scratch for Ohno and himself. And because of that he didn’t press Jun any further, didn’t ask for confirmation or to rethink his offer.
“I’m honestly not sure, Jun.” Sho’s other hand came to hesitantly rest on his arm. “I already submitted all the paperwork to move. I didn’t tell them anyone was coming with me.”
That was understandable. It was Jun’s fault for waiting too long and being too much of a coward to bring it up before now. He could really kick himself in the ass right now, for being so afraid and taking so long to bring them back together.
“Then can we at least pretend everything is alright? Just for tonight?” There would be time to work things out later, even if it was Jun following him weeks after Sho had already settled in France. If they had the same goal in mind, things would work out.
But right now Jun was exhausted. Not only from the wedding, but finally letting go of the tension he had been carrying around, wondering if Sho really hated him for what had happened before he had left. It seemed like they were going to have to start all over again, but Jun thought he could do it if Sho was here with him, like this.
“Yes,” Sho let out, his own fatigue evident, and he finally embraced Jun completely.
+++
They had eventually laid out Aiba’s futon on the living room floor, and after a few minutes of uncertainty, settled against each other until they were comfortable, and promptly fell asleep.
For a brief moment sometime in the early morning, Jun felt Koharu crawl on top of him, but she didn’t wake him up with a problem, so he let her do as he pleased. With only a slightly lull in his sleeping patterns, he fell back asleep immediately.
All three of them slept late into the morning, and that was exactly as Nino found them when he waltzed in the front door with an arm full of videogames.
Koharu was the first one up, excitedly bouncing around him in her pajamas, asking if he’d brought ‘the princess one.’ Sho and Jun sat up together, scooting away from each other slightly and unable to meet gazes. Even though they had formed some truce the night before, Nino had not needed to see the way that Jun had been firmly holding Sho in his arms. They would never hear the end of it, and by the blush on Sho’s face he thought the same.
Since he hadn’t prepared his own, Sho had borrowed a pair of Ohno’s pajamas, and he rushed into the newlywed’s bedroom in order to change. Jun went the opposite way towards the bathroom, having brought everything he thought he might need for watching Koharu. Splitting up had forced Nino to make a choice, though, and once he handed Koharu all the games, he made a bee-line for Jun, pushing himself in the way when Jun tried to close the bathroom door behind him.
“Have a good night?” Nino asked with a satisfied smirk, and Jun just frowned at him, reaching for his toothbrush and trying to ignore the words. Jun wouldn’t deny that it was thanks to Nino that he had managed to get on the right track to fixing things with Sho, but he also hated the way that Nino gloated.
“It’s not what you think,” Jun told him right before shoving his toothbrush into his mouth.
“Because I was really thinking that you would be rash enough for hot make-up sex in Aiba’s living room, assuming you actually put Koharu to bed properly last night.”
Jun tried to say, I did! But his mouth was a gob of toothpaste, so he just glared at Nino through the mirror instead.
From the beginning, Nino had been convinced that all of this was going to play out perfectly, and through his minute of reprieve Jun tried to think of a tactful way to break the news. At least it would wipe that self-satisfied grin off of his face, even if Jun wouldn’t mind putting up with it if it meant that Sho was honestly and truly his again.
Once he rinsed his mouth, he gave Nino another level look in the mirror, then turned to him seriously. “He said he wasn’t sure.”
“What?” Nino’s expression crumbled, as predicted, and his eyebrows knitted together in concern. “What do you mean?”
“I asked him to stay here, and he said he couldn’t,” Jun stated quickly. “So I asked him to take me to France with him.” He didn’t feel it was necessary to add, just like you told me to.
“And?” Nino prompted with an incredulous look.
“He said he wasn’t sure,” Jun repeated quietly, leaning against the wall of the bathroom. “That he’d already made arrangements and didn’t think it would be so easy for me to just pick up and move with him.”
Nino averted his eyes, and Jun could see the gears started to twist in his head. Nino had been there for both of them through their problem, but even he wasn’t a miracle worker.
“And he asked about Ohno. If I could leave him. And Aiba and Koharu,” he put in, just in case.
“Sho’s always had a complex about that. Can’t believe you didn’t see it before-“
Jun opened his mouth to haughtily argue back-that Sho should have said something if it bothered him so much, and what was wrong with doting on Ohno when he needed it, and that it wasn’t Nino’s business anyway-but before he even realized that all of those excuses weren’t really valid anymore, Koharu finally found them and their conversation stopped cold.
“Pancakes! You promised pancakes for breakfast, Jun-chan!”
He forced a smile at the little girl as she began tugging on Nino’s arm to pull him into the kitchen.
“I did, didn’t I? Well, let’s get started then!”
Sho had changed into his clothes from the day before and was waiting awkwardly at the table. It appeared he had reverted back to his previous aloof self, like before Jun had confessed his feelings all over again. But he stood to join them in the kitchen, watching Jun and Koharu collect ingredients. And when he walked past, he brushed his hand against Jun’s.
Distracting himself with cooking was easy enough, especially with Koharu there to help him.
“Jun-chan, do you think that papa and Oh-chan are still being naked together?”
A smile spread across his face. “They might be, Koharu. But I’m sure they’re just trying to get it out of the way so that they can spend more time with you,” he replied easily, then diverted her attention with mixing ingredients together. If she thought about them too much she would become melancholy, and that was the last thing Jun needed with the mood he was in this morning.
Meanwhile Nino had pushed Sho over to the kitchen table, and the two talked in hushed tones while Jun and Koharu made enough food for a small army. Even when they were finished, Jun bought Nino more time by showing Koharu how to make faces with chocolate syrup, and kept her by his side until the last possible moment.
“Look what I made!”she squealed, running over to the table and drawing the attention of the two other men. “It’s Nino!” The chocolate hadn’t come out very consistently, but Jun had to applaud her effort (even if his mole was closer to a beard).
After placing the pancake in front of Nino at the table, she ran back into the kitchen and got the next one. “And this one is Sho-chan!” That drew a laugh from the recipient, since the top half of the pancake was just scribbles of chocolate hair.
Once again, she gave Sho the plate, then ran back into the kitchen, handing Jun his own, and getting another before pulling him back with her. “And see? This one is me and Jun-chan!” There were actually another three in the kitchen-Aiba, Ohno, and Touma-which Jun promised they would wrap up for them later on.
Jun thought he knew what they had been talking about, but Sho’s calm expression hadn’t changed, and Nino looked slightly put off, which meant that Sho had probably told him exactly what he’d told Jun the night before. Jun appreciated Nino’s help, though, and was determined to make things work out, even if it took some time. Thinking like that, he tried to cheer himself up, and managed to forget about it for a little while. Having Sho next to him again, laughing along with Koharu and glancing over at him every few minutes, really helped with that.
Once they were finished-more than breakfast it had turned into lunch-they began cleaning up, Jun and Sho taking the dishes into the kitchen while Nino and Koharu began setting up the video game system that Nino had brought along with him.
Trying to buy another minute next to Sho, since he could already see where the day was going, Jun began rinsing the dishes piled in the sink. He was glad for his decision when Sho came closer to help him and bumped their arms together.
“I missed you,” Sho said softly, looking down. “I missed this.”
Jun glanced over at him as a jolt ran up his spine, grateful that Sho was making an effort to reciprocate. As if Jun’s speech the night before wasn’t enough to embarrass him, he honestly wasn’t sure how much he could take from Sho until he pushed it too far.
“I missed you too,” he replied just as quietly, and looked past Sho’s shoulder to make sure the other two were busy with the TV. His gaze shifted to Sho, who was finally looking at him with a familiar expression, their bodies automatically aligning as the intimate air around them pushed them together. “I missed you so much,” he repeated with a little more emotion before leaning forward to kiss him.
It was a light kiss. It was hesitant and asking, and Jun was sure that he had never kissed Sho in such a way before. He could feel every subtle noise that Sho made: his interrupted breath, the shift of his shirt, the almost silent press of their lips. Jun’s arms began shaking slightly, and he pulled back. The message of the kiss wasn’t supposed to be sexual, after all, and he had probably pushed the line that was between them. A fading line, but one nonetheless.
“You’ll stay with us today, right?” Jun asked. He didn’t want Sho to think that he was expecting something more because of that kiss, whether it was words or actions.
“Of course.” Sho’s whole demeanor had softened and he was distractedly looking at Jun’s lips. He collected himself, though, and turned back to the sink to finish cleaning off the dishes.
Jun was about to do the same, a comfortable nostalgic feeling taking over the doubt in his chest, then he saw Nino and Koharu watching them intently, half hidden behind the counter separating the kitchen from the living room.
+++
Final 2/2
Curse you livejournal and your word count